"

Goodnight still haven,t gone to bed. I am looking forward to your input tomorrow you have so much to give some of us need to hear what you have to say.

Nite have a good rest

One of the things we do at our meetings is to give a good hand clap even for the one day or surrender chips. It is helpful to remember that even that first successful day without alcohol or mind altering chemicals was a major milestone in recovery. Thinking back even a successful hour was really something. I remember when I first really accepted that my problem was the disease was after that first relapse. When in my mind that it wasn't anything but the disease and I could actually identify the problem. It was like I had a name for it and I wasn't just insane. It was then that I had my first spiritual experience which was different than my first religious experience which was not to make light of either one of them. But at that point it was like I had a conscious contact rather than just a contact. I hope I will always remember that moment of clarity because I was so deep in the fog but for a moment the fog had lifted. It was like so much of my life was a blackout that to try to remember just separate blackouts took much later to realize. Of course, I tried to share it with others but realized that I needed saving worse than anyone else and it helped me to realize the difference of salvation and recovery. As long as I could make the meetings I didn't have to lose contact with my higher power.

"



Hey nice to see you this morning rainbow yes I sure know what you mean about when a person realizes that addiction is a disease,it was like my God I am human after all.

When I first went to N.A. boy I was sure shy of the hugs I would stiffen up tighter than a drum lol.

Anyway thank-you so much for dropping by and hope to see you again soon.

Good Morning:

Sure is a nice morning to be clean and sober and have have a personal relationship with a power greater than ourselves.I know for me to use again is to die. When I was 19 I use to share needles and contacted Hep.B. and still continued to drink and it really damaged my liver. Then somewhere along the way about 15 years ago I contacted Hep. C. and still I would drink and drug.

Right now my liver is really damaged where my platelets which stops bleeding and is produced by the liver is really low. A normal count is 450 and mine are at 39, but I am positive with being clean and sober I will heal. I do not feel sick other than the normal road to recovery stuff .

I would like to thank all for bing here this is not my thread it is ours because without you guys I am just a back alley dope fiend/ alcoholic

Would a Drink/Drug Help? Jan.18/2008


By going back in our old drinking/drugging histories,we could show that years before we realized it were out of control,that our drinking/drugging even then was no mere habit,that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression.

( Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p.23)


When I was drinking/drugging I could,nt respond to any of lifes situations the way other,more healthy people could.The smallest incident triggered a state of mind that believed I have to have a drink/or drug to numb my feeling. But the numbing didn,t improve the situation, so I sought further escape in the bottle/drug.

Today I must be aware of my alcoholism/addiction. I cannot afford to believe that I have gained control of my drinking/drugging---- or again I will think I have gained control over my life.Such a feeling of control is fatalto my recovery.


( From Daily Reflections p26)

Step One.


WE addmitted we were powerless over our addictions--that our lives had become unmanageable.



For me this step is twofold, It means total surrender yes I am licked and accepting that. The other means that my life is a total mess I had gone so far down the ladder that a snakes butt looked like a star.


I would like if others shared their views on this step in hoes maybe others will be helped by seeing something that might help them.

I will post a step a day till the 12 steps are posted thanks.

Step One is very important. I tried to bypass it. Needles scared me and my drug of choice was paint stripper. Coming from a strong religious background from my mother's side of the family I thought recovery was against my religion when I came in and having an athiest father who had been a practising alcoholic as far back as I can remember but having very strong moral principles as to what wrong and right were I came into the programs pretty much screwed up. I could identify with being inconstitutional unable to be honest. Heck, I was at war with myself. I had to go through extensive reprogramming. Mom was an addict and dad was a third generation alcoholic. My sis introduced me to drugs and dad taught me how to drink. It wasn't until I went to detox that I found out that I wasn't normal and had some deep psychological problems. It really helped me to find out eventually that the program was spiritual not religious because I came in thumping with the big books just like I had with the bible. If it wasn't for some very caring counselors and some good head shrinks I wouldn't have survived in the program because I was very deep in denial with my socratic christian outlook. Reading any book I found out was different when I wasn't stoned. Basically those first few days my sponsor just told me to shut up and if he thought I had something significant to say that he would let me know. I fought the first step with everything that was in me until that first relapse. I could identify with the insanity but until the first relapse I couldn't identify with the powerlessness. But when I did it was no wonder my life was unmanageable. Heck, until then I just thought they should of just put me into a rubber room where I couldn't hurt myself or others. I needed a keeper and I found that with several sponsors. I needed constant supervision until I could accept the first step and stopped fighting my own recovery.

Thank you so much I to used inhalants mt Mom used to let us sniff in the house. She would yell at us to share our glue with Stephan he was only 7 years old.

You are welcome. I found out that the substitution method helped me a lot. Those first delerium tremens were awful that I went through. But eventually I found out that even though I was abnormal and had troubling dealing with normal folks that my body responded better to breathing air rather than paint stripper. I also substituted tea and coffee for alcohol for I knew that nature abhors a vacuum. I found out that I could exist even though I was an alien to the environment. Eventually, when my mind cleared up enough my friends helped me to realize that I was human, too and like the normal people we had to deal with the living problems just like they did. It isn't easy but as long as I keep coming back to the meetings I find out that life is not only tolerable but sometimes can be enjoyable.

Good morning all hope you all have a wonderful day.

Hi all I wii be back tomorrow afternoon I at a friend who is in recovery and watching movies. See you soon

Just wanted to come in and say hi.....and let you all know that your in my prayers......and that I heart ya all.....

Hi Back.

Did everyone find a cure

I found a cure, but I've got too much to live for..lol;^]

"


Hey Turtlepoet nice to see you again my friend. I was just trying to be funny good response . Antway have a great day and I gues anyday clean and sober cannot be that bad.

Your brother in Recovery. Jonlaw

jonlaw, my god, my god, where are you in the time of need??? I sit here writing a response, but yet I've drank wine for 3 hrs. straight. I'm seeking just as you did days ago perhaps weeks ago. I get soooooo caught up in the events of my life, and want to just make ALL THINGS DISAPear w/ alcohol. I never tought I had a problem w/ alcohol, until lately. I'm sooooooo depressed w/ life, that drinking nightly has become a ritual to get to sleep. I'm scared to death!!!!! I don't want to turn to alcohol, but would rather turn to anyone who would WANT TO BE MY FRIEND..... I know I'm heading down the wrong road, is anyone there who can encourage me not to???? I'd appreciate it.

"

Hi There:

One thing you can count on is people like us are never too far away. I am glad you came here and boy I can relate to the way you are feeling I,ve been there recently I only have about 2 and a half month sober Being depressed when you are drinking is normal as alcohol is a depressant.

The first thing you have to do toreybelle is admit you have a problem and by your post you have already done that.I can only suggest that you phone the aa central office of your area and they will put you in touch with a meeting. They may even send a woman to talk with you and go to that first meeting or two with you. Believe me there is a whole wonderful world being in recovery.

Please do not be ashamed that you have a addiction to alcohol Drs. lawyers, judges, athletes, all walks of life. Alcohol has no social boundries. And finally come on this thread and have a read to start your day and drop a line how you are feeling you mean alot to me so remember you do have a friend here who cares.

Well I will close for now tomorrow just try not to drink and do what I suggested and let me know how you are doing be it good or bad. Bye for now.


Jonlaw

Thanks Jonlaw for your care and concern. i don't know what to do. I drink when things get REALLY bad in my life. I just don't know how to handle things. I'm sorry to have worried you. I went to sleep for a few hrs., to waken to seeing this on my computer. I don't even remember writing that 3 hrs. ago. WOW, ThAT"S scarry!!!
Thanks for the encouraging words, a good friend or two is what I really need. Good for your 2 1/2 mo. sobreitey!!!!!

Step. Two.

Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.



This step is so cool, when I was drinking/drugging I would spend whole paychecks,do things I normally would not do and while sober knowing where its all going to lead me I would take that first drink. Thats the insanity. In step step I have to start believing in something other than myself that could help me.

Well goodnight all I guess this is a way to keep moving my thread up. Thing is if a person can just help one the it was well worth it.