I travel for a living. I've provide a good & stable home for my family. I am not allowed to be a disciplinarian when the kids derail and show disrespect. The wife... well she tolerates or outright ignores their disrespect. When I step in to quell the nonsense, then she steps in like Jesus to save them from wrath of God... thus deleting my purpose as a man/father/husband. I mentally & physically cant deal with the stress of being a bystander in my own home to being disrespected & seeing my wife be disrespected (she seems totally ok with it). Stress was so bad, I had a stroke. Now she's upset that I dont talk to her while I'm out of town. In baseball terms... she swings... she misses... Honestly... i think I'm done. I did the best that i could but right now, it's about me and my health and my healing and moving on with life with or without them. So -a question for the class- What do you think of this? What would you recommend knowing that I have exceeded my wits end to the point of injury. I may need to dip my toes in ocean water and let the sand scour my skin while the sun bakes my skin back to energy with the smell of salt water clear my nasal passages, while looking a fat women in bathing suits... that part *sigh* delightful lol

hi Rich, welcome to M2 and the forums..

speaking for myself.. there are many things you can do IF you are interested in saving your marriage.. I heard what you said about exceeding your breaking point however.. you have not stated how long you've been investing in this relationship with your wife nor as a father.. OR if you've even had the honest "how I feel" conversation with your wife...

first off, I'd suggest asking yourself the hardest questions, no one but you can answer any of them.. regardless of the advice you get from "strangers".. so if you truly want to ask strangers.. why not seek a professional that can help you get to the answers that you really seek.. just saying.. sometimes in life, it's easier to walk away from our responsiblities rather than fight for them..

so Rich.. are you a walker? or a fighter? do you give up/in? or do you give yourself the chance to find out what's best for you AND everyone? the balls in your court sir.. best of luck on your journey

You have let her take over as the head of the household. If she is at home with the kids, she should be using you as the disciplinary figure ("Just wait until your dad gets home!") if she wants to be the kind parent that they run over. But it sounds like you gave up your power, so if you want your kids to be raised with respect then you need to take back the power. How you do this is what you need to figure out...

Now we can offer suggestions, but remember that you are taking advice from people who are not in a relationship...lol.
Here is what I would try, when you get home and they are all there and acting up, warn them that you have had enough an the next person that acts up is getting a spanking. So either your wife will sit back and let you take over or she will step in like you say. Be prepared, she is the one that sounds like she needs a spanking as well...lol I am not saying beat your wife, just bend her over your knee for a spanking in view of the kids. This will show them that you are serious and should calm things down for a while. But it probably will not be a one time fix, if it does work, they will always be pushing the line and you have to be there to push back. Parents are suppose to be parents, kids have enough friends...

I agree with this UNTIL the bit about spanking. That is absolutely never no way the way to go!!
Certainly not spanking your wife in front of your kids.
But you do have to step into your masculine energy. Become a so called healthy masculine energy man.
What you're doing now is pointing fingers, blaming the situation (and thus your kids AND wife!?!). YOU are responsible here! YOU let it slip.

The thing is, when the man is gone a lot a woman will automatically pick up the slack and go into her masculine. She has to in order to get things done. That means when you get home you suddenly have two masculine energy individuals. That is going to clash, as you found out.
So what needs to happen is YOU taken the masculine energy onto your shoulders again and then your wife can shift back into her feminine energy. Problem solved.
The thing is, if this skewed situation has existed for quite some time your wife will be so stuck and used to being in her masculine energy that she will resist.
It's like quitting smoking for someone else.
So it will take some time.
That means you have to allow it time. And show up as the man, the healthy masculine man that is. NOT a demanding, needy, I-feel-sorry-for-myself man, NOR a controlling bully of a man!!

And I'd strongly suggest talking to your wife. She needs to know how you feel, she'll also need to know that you want to change things. Which will also be for her benefit -even though she may still resist and not see this!!!- as carrying the masculine load is utterly exhausting for a woman.
It affects her health, her happiness and joy. And most certainly is one of the big reasons a woman doesn't want to have sex with her man anymore. Or she doesn't really enjoy it anymore.

For you not being in your healthy masculine also affects your health! Did you know that?
Being in your masculine will raise testosterone and your nervous system will stabilise.
That in turn will raise estrogen in your wife and then her nervous system can stabilise as well.

What I would suggest is checking out Jake Woodard. He can explain it all in an easy to understand way. You can find him on FB, YouTube, Insta.
And if you really want to change things round -also for yourself and your health and so you can be a quality partner- you could consider doing his course for men. He doesn't ask top dollar and he's bloody good.
Dive into a bit and you will see exactly why things have gone wrong AND how you can change it. In turn you'll be happier & healthier and quite likely your wife will be happier & healthy & joyful again too, and wanting to have sex with you.

I see the kids and their disrespect as a secondary issue. And chances are that will improve when they see that mum & dad are working things out, working as a team again.
Kids need that!
Mothers cannot take care of everything. As I said, she'll get exhausted, likely gets short and annoyed, and so on, while a woman is the one who brings happiness, joy, warmth, playfulness into a family/relationship.
But this is impossible when she has to do everything by herself without the support of her man!
And yeah, you made yourself redundant. Don't blame her or the kids for that!! Be accountable. Women need that too. A man they can trust, rely on, feel emotionally safe with, who takes care of her, who provides (not just money!! Also stuff like emotional safety, support etc.), protects, takes decisions, takes care of chit in and around the house.
From what you say you have done none of these! And then you wonder why it went wrong?
If you still love your wife and your kids then become the man that they desperately need (even though they may seem not to, they do!!)
And in order to feel whole, like a man, YOU need it as well.

We are only getting half of the story, but it was a suggestion more to get the shock value to get his role back...lol The PC method would probably to tell him to go to counseling and all that, but that is not a quick fix. The kids seeing their dad lose it and spank everyone (the mom would only get it if she tried to step in to stop him). At least the push over role he is in should stop...whether they stay together or not is a different story...lol