I asked
"Alexa, what do women want?"



It hasn't shut up for nine days.

Some are speechless "like me"on the first hi from a lady

The only thing I use my phone for is ... phone calls.
I don't text and I don't use apps. I don't use the web on my phone either.
My son put me on his plan and got me the phone or I still wouldn't own one.
Personally, I'd rather have a phone wall mounted with a corded handset.

I use my home PC everyday. I tweaked win10 to remove apps, change the desktop to icons and installed actual programs.

Being pretty much home-bound by my disability, I'm not in any real hurry about anything.
I have plenty of time to type out and respond to messages. Most of my time is spent on forums talking with other members about all sorts of topics.

I'm not dating and not looking either.
I only clear out my mail here 1x per month most of the time (unless I'm bored with the forums).
Anyone who has participated in these forums knows I tend to write a lot.

To me, text speak is lazy.
Someone messages me (when I was looking) who uses text speak or idiotic partial sentences is NOT my type. No doughnut, no response.
I'm attracted to people who have the intelligence to communicate properly.
Those that understand how effectively you communicate directly influences how others understand you.
If you are vague or too impatient to write meaningful sentences you will probably get responses from people just like you.
Then, if you start a relationship it will crash and burn because neither of you are able to effectively communicate.

Honest communication is vital to a relationship.
Why start one without it?

I agree with this. But I'm home most of the time too because of my ailments after 2 accidents and I think maybe because of that we are more relaxed than people who work. Working automatically means stress, less time for everything & anything, including self-development.
I spend most of my time on personal growth, when working that got on the backburner as I simply didn't have that much time nor the energy.
Simply put working people live to work (without really being aware of it) don't work to live. Basically people haven't much choice unless in higher paying jobs so they can work part-time.
Being an active 'member' of western society means stress. I'm not engaged much in society. Partly a choice, just doesn't resonate with me. I suspect it's pretty much the same for you. In a sense our ailments allow us the luxury to live that way and choose interaction with those that do resonate.

Also, many people suffer from what I call 'reading fatigue'. Most spend all day reading at work, their phones etc. Most people don't relax their brains nearly enough anymore which results in skimming & sending short messages as opposed to taking the time to read & write.

Then many are dyslexic, especially men as the female brains has more ways to circumvent the issue since their brains are wired differently (neurobehavorial science).
For such people reading & writing aren't a lot of fun.
And even when not dyslexic, not everyone is a fan of reading.

But this reading fatigue... I notice it more and more. Just heed reactions and most of the time you can tell people haven't read properly.
At times I'm guilty myself, hihi.

I agree.
Reading came early for me as a kid. I blame growing up in the country without a lot of nearby friends.
Since reading was easy, I was able to write pretty well and understand things a bit easier.
In school, my grades were always above average, homework wasn't a problem.
In the Navy, I read a lot on ship and during downtime on the beach. Joined book clubs and had an extensive library.
When I had kids, not only did I read to them, I had two full encyclopedia sets and kept their dictionaries in the bathroom on the magazine shelf.

When I got home internet yeah, I surfed a lil porn but it was just too fake and my sex life was much better in person anyway. So, I used the internet to read about things interesting to me (mostly science and science theory). I joined usenet and other chat/forum social platforms and discussed a wide range of subjects with people all over the world.

Before cell phones were a thing, people used to participate with complete sentences. Keyboards allowed anyone who knew how to type to express themselves. When text speak started becoming widely used, most of the people I had discussions with would flag it as spam or flooding.
About that time, people stopped having meaningful discussions and merely typed something just to show their presence.

Now, most of the time, you have one or two discussion starters and most others merely post anything on it just to show they've been there/seen that.
Discussions have become one direction. Few alternative views, fewer meaningful discussions.

That's why I stay with M2 forums. There are still people here who like having actual discussions.
I write like I talk. There are those here who actually write like they talk too.

Most places with reply features are flooded with replies of very little substance. I've even seen places that are full text speak and one word replies.
Twitter changed the face of online communication.
Facebook reinforces that.
Twitter only really works if the author has a good understanding of word meaning. If not, it becomes a cluster of nonsense.

In todays online world it is hard to find a match because people have learned to have multiple personas and can't seem to trust anyone enough to drop those personas and show their true self.

I guess I got lucky at M2 when my gf and I found each other. The few messages we sent each other were true, accurate and meaningful which lead to us actually meeting.
But then again, we actually had a conversation and not a textspeak pompus blast of nonsense.

I recognise a lot in what you say!
I too was one of the first to read really well in class. I've always loved reading! Writing has never been an issue either, I've always enjoyed it.
I had my first published li'l article in a newspaper in the kiddie section before I could write, hihi. I dictated it to my mum, she sent it in and it got published :) I still have the clipping.
As a teen I started handwriting novels in notebooks and dreamt of having my own magazine, made tiny ones by hand.
As it is I have 2 books published. The first one was a big milestone for me!
At school everyone always moaned when we had to write an essay, I was jumping for joy and always had a 9 or 10 for it :D (10 being the highest here).

I also write the way I am, something that seems alien or odd to the masses (I think?).
I like sharing, expressing etc. which is why my average post is long as well, hihi.
My area of interest is personal growth & development, also helping others with that (coaching) and the spiritual of course!

I do feel it's rather difficult to find resonance in real life. I'm quite certain you know what I'm talking about. It's what you have when you function on a different/higher level than the masses. I don't mean judgement by that, just the way it is.
Basically I only find resonance with a niche group which is also one of the reasons I spend a lot of time on the net. Easier to find there than in my direct environment.

As for the net... I think many only get on social sites out of boredom, to not feel the void they have, the not being fulfilled and not really being happy. It's easy distraction & entertainment.
I think even conflict can feel better for some than a good conversation, considering the many chitstirrers on certain fora.

I've composed a lot of books and stuff but none was ever publicly published.
I wrote tech manuals, safety manuals, created checklists and tests, gave ojt and classroom training to work crews as well as prepared presentations for staff meetings and manager conferences.
One of my old co-workers recently told me many of the manuals and programs I started are still in use.

I have a teacher heart.
Now that I can't teach my trade I teach my passions like movies, TV, music and cooking.
My gf loves that I take the time to teach her how to prepare different foods to give life variety.
I taught her how to tweak her laptop, collect and play movies, shows and music without spending a fortune.
I could just do it but just doing it doesn't teach.
I taught my X how to work on cars and fix appliances. She could do light plumbing, electrical and woodworking.

I know I'm intelligent. Sheldon's mom had me tested.
But...I do relate to others not as knowledgeable as me. Once a person undersatnds I have no malice towards them and I am willing to take the time to teach them what they need to know, the eyes brighten a lil and that makes me feel good.

When I was working undercar at muffler and brake shops I took the customer out to their car and taught them about how it was supposed to work and why it needs fixed. I had a lot of loyal customers who were happy to have me as their mechanic.

Its my belief most problems people encounter are because they don't fully understand. Knowledge not only helps in life it can allow you to feel contentment easily. Knowledge is give thru communication. But, communication that works has to be two way.

This is why it is so important to compose good messages when you are contacting a potential date.
But that communication must flow freely in both directions to be effective.

Has this gone way off topic?

Excellent post and useful suggestions, Crystal.

I've considered myself a fairly decent communicator, yet conversations via online or through text messaging either come to a dead stop or remain superficial or one sided... mostly with me sharing and them responding with short responses, as if they are just sitting back nodding their head.

With face to face interactions, I've often caught myself forgetting to ask about the other person, whether it's a man of interest, family member, friend, or stranger. Conversations tended to be one sided, until I learned to ask questions about them, about their interests, or thoughts. Through a lot of practice, face to face conversations have improved immensely.

Maybe due to the fact that I was speaking out loud, so I could hear myself making it all about me?

When writing/texting, the hearing myself speaking out loud is eliminated, so I don't always catch myself doing that. I just end up frustrated because the conversation is going nowhere. It's funny because I could be talking to the same person on the phone and the conversation flows. But as soon as we switch to writing/texting, it comes to a dead stop, haha.

I think with writing, it's so easy to ask close ended questions, those which usually invoke a "this or that" kind of response, and it stops there. "How was your day" generally gets a "this or that" kind of response.

I love your suggestion about if you write something about a good book or movie you read/watched, to ask him about any great movies he watched/books he read.

And in the event that all he/she says is "yes", haha, respond with, "Oh really, what was it, or what did you like about it?".

I recognise much in what you say. I too tend to forget to ask about the other and tell about myself.
I used to also think it was one-sided, and felt a bit guilty for making it about me. But then... I'm so open and giving that I think it's more related to that. Assuming that everyone else is that way too. Assuming they too will naturally open up and share as I am that way.
And in a way it's odd to have to ask and effort to extract info? At least it can feel that way to me.
Nevertheless I've also made it a point to ask others about them.
But you know, with people I resonate with I don't have to do any of that thinking while conversing. It just automatically flows from both directions! Which leads back to it being a bit odd to have to consciously try to get them to open.


And yes, trying to avoid "yes/no" questions is very helpful. That is something you can train yourself to do, much easier even in written conversation as you have time to think about formulating the question.
And the "telling about me then asking them about it" (movie/book/whatever) is a really good way to get it going. Oftentimes helps the other over the threshold of nerves or the 'WTF am I going to talk about' dilemma, hihi.
And then it just takes off.

And there's always the thing that if the other is truly interested or not. A few days ago I had a guy contact me but he had no profile photo. So I told him "No photo, no contact. You make things skewed as you can see me but I can't see you." (He'd commented on my looks & aura)
For me it was done, over.
But... he uploaded a profile photo and sent me another message? I was still not impressed but he didn't give up, haha.
He's not the type to write a lot, so I said we were too different then as to me written word IS alive, visceral.
So I gave him nothing but "PO kind of replies" lol, yet... he wasn't deterred.
We are now kind of talking and seem to have things in common?! Not saying it's going anywhere serious, might not even lead to a date. But had he not persevered we wouldn't even be talking.

What I'm trying to say is, maybe if it is quite difficult to get off the ground it's just not the right person?
Something to bear in mind and consider...

Excellent point and definitely something to consider.

I, too, am fairly open with sharing about myself, and assume they will do the same. When it doesn't happen, I automatically think it's something I'm doing wrong in my way of communicating. Rather than considering that we just don't click.

There have certainly been other times when conversing with a guy just flowed, it happened naturally. But most of the time in those circumstances, it never moved past the friend zone, haha. When it came to love interests, the communication was more awkward and often times like pulling teeth from a newborn.

I suspect though, that the reason it was more awkward had more to do with where I was concerning love relationships and my ability to accept love more so than their ability to communicate. I wasn't truly open to it, so I attracted men who also weren't open to it, who had similar issues with self worth and such? Staying in the friend zone was safe, for the both of us, so the communication flowed much easier.

I've always had this vision for when I'm truly ready to enter a love relationship... We aren't going to struggle trying to have a conversation. It's going to just happen, take off, as if we've known each other our whole lives. Maybe that's silly, but I truly believe that when two people truly resonate with each other, it's not going to be like pulling teeth from a newborn. The energy will flow in harmony, not agony.

Still waiting for that to happen, haha. Some day! But first, I have a few more cobwebs to clear out of my heart center so that I am ready to receive the kind of love I truly desire.

Oh, that kind of connection sure as heck can happen! I know as I've had it happen. Both my last relationships for sure.
There was no effort to get and keep a conversation going. It just flowed by itself. And especially with the last man there was a very strong feeling of already knowing the other to an extent I have not ever come across before. And this was mutual, not just me. He was open to the spiritual but not very familiar with it so to him it was totally new. I knew it could happen, had similar experience with my ex before him, but this was much much deeper. Different. It immediately felt we were in a solid, healthy relationship while we'd only just met.
I always said, it's like we're in a relationship, know each other inside and out, yet we don't know each other at all when it comes to mundane day to day stuff, and in that sense we have to get to know one another from the start.
Kind of like starting a connection 5 yrs in -the point where you already live together etc- and having to work your way back to the first meeting, romancing, getting to know each other etc. etc. if that makes sense.
I don't think most can follow, but quite sure you can, hihi. It was the weirdest and at the same time most beautiful thing I've ever had happen!
And that was instant, from the second I opened the front door and laid eyes on him and he on me.
We hugged, and he said -bemused-, I feel energy between our hearts??
And "When you laugh and I look into your eyes, I know that laugh!"
He was totally lost when he looked into my eyes, I doubt he heard a word I said, just sat that mesmerized, bedazzled, hahaha.

And our conversations... I can still miss them! He always understood me, could paraphrase what I'd said, never needed explanation.
So it sure as hell exists!

My biggest problem in a way, which I've come to realise over the years... men sometimes fall for me because of my energy, my high vibration. I have to then be vigilant to not have them romance me and eventually far for them as when this happens their feelings are not lasting. It's like they get bedazzled or something.
Seems odd to say about yourself, but I have truly had that happen. And then when it wears off, they too bugger off, leaving me heartbroken. What usually is going on is that they take / get healing from my high energy and when healed enough they're gone...
Meaning I have to use my own discernment to get clear what I'm dealing with, which to date I find dammed hard to do!!

I can definitely relate with what you're saying. Both the entering into a relationship with a "knowing", as well as them being attracted to your light/energy. When it comes to the "knowing", it's mostly been one-sided, which can be really awkward, haha. It inevitably resulted with them running for the hills, or vice versa, me running for the hills, lol.

But that's a whole other topic, haha, so I'll leave it at that for now.

not just you..people just got extremely boring..it's a disease like detached the replies are automatic no sentiment behind them so so sad

I also experience the same thing here,I don't know what they mean by "looking for relationship".

They extend sending their private.🥵

You asked why we men can't hold a conversation... Yet you don't know why we don't??? Here's the REAL question y'all need to ask YOURSELVES: WHAT ... do I want to TALK about with a guy to keep him interested? Y'all claim y'all know men better than we know ourselves... but in reality... Y'all really don't know spit worth a lick about us men. Y'all really don't have anything to keep us interested, and y'all get mad when we say: hrw, Good, ok? Y'all have some real issues then. THINK... Before pursuing.

See the above Man hold's a meaningful conversation... Sir Please continue ahead later

Men can be complicated but when it comes to interest in a woman .. if they are attracted to you they will put effort into a conversation . if that is not happening they are really not that into you or they have too many other options .
Love blondey the man whisperer

Men can hold very real and meaningful conversations, the same like women who dream , that a man of her dreams picks her up and throws her on the bed , and then proceeds to clean the whole house while she sleeps !!!

"I don't want or need you to solve my problems. There is nothing for you to "fix" here. I value your opinions but every once in a while could you just LiStEn!?"