There are some who are separated and kids live with the mother? I want to get anyone's opinion, about dating woman with kids.

Does it matter to you guys dating a woman that has 3 kids raising by herself?

The fact that she cares for the kids speaks for her. It is rather the fact she does so without the father that raises concerns:

Where is he and why is he not with her? Of course, there are bad guys who simply dump a girl when she is pregnant with their child.

But don't some guys also flee from the lady because she is constantly bickering, causing problems, not being cooperative?

And: are all the kids from the same father? Or did she never learn to improve her judgement of guys, and each and every kid has a different father?

Well, the internal alarm sounds off for sure.
And I know that for many, kids from a different father are a no-go.

Things may be different if she is a widow, though.
As there is no question she has no fault in that case (except if she made herself a widow, secretly )

I think it'd help to know if you have sufficient means to provide for the kids yourself, as in you making enough money yourself and/or the father also helping out.
No matter how, just that their keep doesn't become a new partner's problem.

As for the rest, I wouldn't worry about it. You just have to meet the right guy. And of course it has to click with the kids too. You will have to mediate there, that's what most single parents forget and don't do. They leave it up to the new partner to sort it out themselves, which is not going to work.

Lastly, bear in mind you're no exception. Tons a men out there with children, sometimes shared custody but often full care of their kids by themselves.
Even when they're 50+ you come across men with kids at home, sometimes under 10 even!
So don't feel you're unusual. So don't feel you have to make an extra effort. Plenty of men are in the exact same position.

Entering into any new relationship when kids are involved matters.
If it doesn't matter that would be a warning RED FLAG.

Some things to consider:

-Most responsible adults realize our children are very important to us.
...thing is, when dating, most people are not interested in dating the children, they want to date YOU, get to know YOU, become involved with YOU.
Your children come with the package that is YOU.

-The fact you are ready to date indicates you have your domestic life sorted. Dating should be a personal thing, not a means to an end for caring for your children. Granted, you will want your date to accept that you have children and care for them by yourself but they don't want to feel obligated or required to care for your children unless they choose to do so.

-Children tend to cause drama in your life. If that drama gets in the way of building a meaningful relationship with someone they will probably choose to look elsewhere. Some drama is expected, occassionally but not every time the two of you get together. It interferes.

-Accepting to date someone solely taking care of their children should be a huge decision and given plenty of adult consideration.

Plus, its important to have mature talks with your children about that new person in their lives. Giving their concerns valid consideration.
This is why single parents should teach their children reasoning ability. It really helps if the children are reasonable to start with.

-I suggest a couple test dates to see if that person really is someone you want in your children's life and to see if they want to be in your life with your children.
Then a few more test dates with the children present to watch how they interact to see if there is conflict of personality.

-I also recommend mature feedback from your children during your courtship. Sometimes people change or are very different when you are not around to watch them.

-If your children are too immature to accept you dating someone other than their biological parent, you might want to hold off dating till they can handle the change (BTW, that's your job).

Its a lot bigger commitment, and a major limiter on what you can do.

But finding some one you care for even love, means you should be willing to make that commitment.

leona

I was married to a woman, who had a child from a previous relationship. I was like a father to that wee chap, and the youngfella adored me.

Well ... it went wrong, I am not going into details. But if a whole family, you marry into (including your ex wife), refers to you as "only the stepdad", things can only go down the drain.

I've been there too, moving in with my two kids while he had his two.
Not easy. Both will have to mediate between the new partner and kids and their own kids otherwise things go wrong. You have to count on the other's kids to become difficult for at least a while, like "You're not my mom/dad! You have no say over me!!"
Or "my mom cooked that differently" etc. etc.
If then the parent of that child doesn't intervene on behalf of his new partner it gets really hard to build up a healthy relationship with the stepkids.

My ex did nothing about it so it remained extremely difficult, esp his 18 yr old daughter. She was a bossy cow (even her dad felt that way) and he daren't speak up to her.
His son had a lot of issues, all he did was smoke joints and game online.
There was me stuck with that on my own, great.

I did mediate and my kids and ex could build a relationship, the rest remained skewed.

So I will never ever get involved with a man who has kids at home still.
Plus mine are adults. I'm not going to give up my freedom. I want a partner that has the same freedom so you can focus on building a new wonderful life together.

As for 'only the stepdad'... that's exactly what you are, and you should never aspire to be more. Stepkids have their own dad or mom. You cross a line if you think / believe you can replace them.

I myself btw have a stepmother and had a stepfather after my parents' divorce. My dad and his wife did it right and even though there were difficulty, I have very good and fond memories of that time!
We grew to be quite close as a new family. And even now, 6 yrs after my dad passed away, I am still in close touch with her.
So it can be great, but the parents must help out the stepparent.

To put it straight, I never intended to "replace" the youngfellas natural father. But the lad adored me. So to him, I was as important as his natural Dad. And believe me, a child has a fine sense of who is good to him, and who isn't.

Yet, my wife and her family were always putting the emphasis on "only" stepfather. It was done in a hurtful manner, because I was not "one of them". Different religion, different nationality, different political belief, the whole lot. This is a fact, they openly admitted to it

Children are not a good gauge of character because they can be influenced by immediate gratification.

"I like him mom, he always brings me..." toys...cookies...games....whatever.

Before I married and had children of my own I thought kids were interesting and fun. Uncle Tom was always a hit with the kids. Always ready to go fishing, swimming, sled riding, trailblazing or any fun activity.

I had no real responsibility for their development.
I was fun.

After I had children (and the responsibility of them) I changed a lil. I was still fun but I had to limit my influence to be the responsible parent.
My kids friends thought I was awesome but they barely saw the reality of life. Still, over-all I was and still am good with kids.
I found out its okay to be friends with your kids but you also gotta be a parent to them too.

Being liked by a child is not always what is best for the child. Being hated by a child isn't good either. It should be an earned respect...Both Ways.

i want to meet u. i will agree with u.so Now i am waiting for ur answer

There is certainly a lot you need to consider before you date someone with children, more so if you have children yourself. I have known one such couple whom broke up after many months because the young sons (each an only child) of each other just could not get on together, much worse than any sibling rivalry, in the end it destroyed their chances of a long lasting relationship together. Children are a big influence on a parents decisions in my opinion.

I am looking forward to her answer, too. Because she is more into girls

Of course it's possible. I'm widowed, so anyone that gets close to me has to deal with my overprotective children, family and friends at some point. The one thing I've done is make my home a safe place for my children, no people I'm dating are allowed here.

I know many people that choose to be with someone that has kids, lesbians included. Talk to her openl, communication is key and ask questions and concerns. I wouldn't meet the children until both of you have been dating for awhile. Anyways good luck. The fact that you're asking questions is a good start.

I'm just gonna pass on the idea of being a stepdad.

hello

I don't care if she has children/grandchildren.

no it's easy and it depends on man character

true that

Look the truth opener batsmen..
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MILF has become a popular term so first you would have to ask if he is just looking for the MILF or more. Second is people are selfish, is he willing to share your time with your children? Are you willing to make time for him and share your children with him? All things that can be balanced out but usually somebody ends up feeling as if they are missing out on something. Another route to consider is FWB, if you are not willing to share your kids or you are just missing a portion of what goes on in a relationship this may be away of getting some of what you want without disrupting your family unit you currently have.