About how you break up...
Watching Miss Congeniality 2... he breaks up with her over the phone. I'm thinking how effing lame that is, excuse my French.
Then I recall my ex doing the same thing to me, because, well, it's quite a drive and blabla.

Now asking you, and be really honest, not looking for political correctness here, and no one will judge you:
If you'd want to break up with your partner and they lived 2 hrs drive from you, which here costs approx $30 petrol ONE way, so back and forth some $60.

Would you drive over to tell her/him OR would you do it over the phone?

And if over the phone, would that be because of cost, time of the drive, OR... not really daring to face them and having to deal with their reaction?

Looking for honest answers, not "I'm such a good gal / bloke" hihi.

I prefer face to face for breaking up.
Because, in that situation, it's the
right thing to do.

Kinda depends on how long we've been together, what our commitments and relationship was like. Depends on how much of her stuff was at my place and vice versa.

If they lived 2 hours away? In reality I wouldn't date someone that lived 2 hours away from me.
But for this hypothetical? I would most likely do it over the phone (especially if we didn't have stuff at each others place).


Could be all 3? But again, I'd never date someone that lived 2 hours away from me.

I've broken up with women after a few months getting a more clear idea of who they were. I absolutely didn't want to deal with their reaction as I knew it was going to be some drawn out histrionic overly melodramatic mountain out of molehills manipulative tit for tat "buy whyyyyyyy?!?!?! nuh uh!" Carrie reenactment BS.

I'm not her father, therapist, or support group. I'm not her emotional doormat, relationshipedia, or punching bag. And obviously I don't have that strong of an emotional connection with her or I wouldn't be breaking up with her. It's not my responsibility to "deal with their reaction." I'm breaking up with her. She's not my problem anymore. Her problems aren't mine.

If we ran in the same social circles, if I had to see them everyday, if we worked at the same place, I might do things differently solely for the sake of maintaining a congenial non combative social relationship for the sake of everyday social lubrication. Some women try to make their problems others.
But anymore with the internet and just plain city size I tend to live in, I'll most likely never see nor hear from or about them ever again.

Personally, my preference (which I've done and have had done to me) is just meeting for coffee, showing up with a bag of their stuff (I never leave things at theirs that I can't replace), telling them it's over, thank them, avoid any meaningful discussion, then just leaving.

The last girl I was "dating," we were watching Family Guy, I just told her it was over and I didn't want to continue seeing her anymore, we sat and watched until the end of the show, then I left. Neither of us cared that much.
If she lived 2 hours away, I would not have driven over there, and I would probably have broken up with her via phone, text, or ghosting, long before that simply due to the 2 hour drive.

MMMmm, If I remember the last time right; I told her I was going for a pack of smokes and never came back.

I prefer face to face as well.
Not if it was just dating, not really serious yet. But if it was a relationship but not living together yet I'd not like to do that over the phone.
The time of the drive wouldn't bother me too much, the cost of it is another story, but that's because I haven't much to spend. I'd still do it.

As ciretom says, a few factors to consider.

Some women don't take it too well. Or should I say some people.

And if you don't really feel it, then there is a long drive and added expense for the drama. that you don't really feel.

yup

phone.
Or more than likely I wouldn't Date someone that far away, meet as friends, occasionally but not an ongoing weekly thing that would just be a pain.

and £60 for either an ear full or indifference. defo phone

I agree with ciretom mostly, hypothetically.
However, I also have real-world experience in breaking up with women.
Most of my life, it has been me who has ended relationships.
This is because I understand what I want and don't want in my life.

When I was young (before marriage and children) I hurt the girls I broke up with. I hurt them because the couldn't live up to my expectations. I saw this as a failure on their part.
Since this was before the internet and before cell phones, the landline was how I broke up. Mainly because it was usually during the summer and I didn't see them unless I went to their house or went on a planned date. The few times I broke up at school, it was always in person. Most of my 'together time' happened during school. I'm from a farming community and most of the school was bused in.

I was the one who ended my marriage. It was after a series of long, heated talks where two bull-headed people made demands on one another. But, the majority of the break-up was done in person.

Since marriage I've broken up in person only. I don't like my cell phone.
I only talk on it for short spurts to set up our dates. I went to their house to break up. I don't mind driving and gas is not an issue for me. Plus, I only date women who live locally.

Thing is, I've changed in how I break up with someone. I no longer need to hurt them. I figure if I cared about them enough to share part of my life they can't be all that bad, they're just not right for me is all.
I encourage them to look for someone else. I tell them their good points and offer suggestions on how to work on their not so good points. Since we are adults, I act like an adult and expect them to act like an adult as well.
Most of the time, they really don't want to break up with me.
A few haven't been able to let go. A few have gone childish.
When that happens, I ignore them completely after I do the break-up.
They usually get that. I know, its a bit extreme but some people just can't let go. I've never been stalked afterwards.

Additionally, I never start a new relationship with a woman while still in a relationship. Therefore, there's never a 'someone else' waiting in the wings and no ammunition for her to feel jealous.

I never use the "We Need To Talk" line. I keep it to myself till I'm absolutely sure I am ready to break up. I've also went to them to break up and changed my mind before I said anything. Giving them another chance for the benefit of doubt. However, even after a few chances, I have found my original decision was well-founded and I eventually break it off anyway.

As I get older and wiser I've noticed I make better choices in the women I choose to be in relationships with. My relationships last longer and become more intimate. I've found lying is the thing which ends us. Lying breaks the trust need for intimacy to grow. When it happens, its very difficult for me to ignore.

I have never had the opportunity to break up with anyone. If i was to break up with anyone there would be some kind of a build up to it, a serious talk face to face saying im not happy i don't want to leave you, can we work something out about our difference's. I would then if still unhappy face to face them again because it's the most humane thing to do. Look we talked about this last month im not happy and ready to leave, your call, what do you want to do.?

But that's me, people are different.

I totally agree to Comments 2 and 5 .[Me2F2F]....I've been in this situation deep.
So I would say . Pain makes you stronger. Fear makes you brave. And Heart break makes you much wiser. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can come together.
No GF no problem !Live for what today has to offer not for what yesterday has taken away . I am sure my points are clear to all the viewers.

Breaking up is not easy and i understand how you feel about it.
The truth is dont hide your emotions you have to feel them.
Yes you have to feel them, from the anger to the jealousy,
to the arguing you have to feel each wave of emotion you are going
through. And don't feel sad for letting the one you love go.

Letting go is part of the healing process. You have to let go.
Now it doesn't mean that you dont love her or him.

Its just that you two have DECIDED to go your separate ways.Believe me
its better to just end things quickly don't hold on out of
false pity just let it go.

Whether its done on phone or in person. The truth is that person wants nothing to do with you

So its best to just move on. They are many good gals and guys out here on this forum
waiting for you to scoop them up and

show them a good time.

So my answer to your question is it doesn't matter how its done the point is that

the person wants to end the relationship if you want you can follow up
and find out why they decided to let you go.

But its best to just move on.

Dont worry you will find another good person
that will satisfy you and be a good companion to you,

I don't get that you date women who'd become hysterical over a breakup, then complain she becomes hysterical?
Breaking up doesn't mean you're not emotionally invested at all. It means something isn't working for you, doesn't mean you don't care nor that you don't love them.

You seem to think this is about me, it's not. It's an inquiry, how people would choose to break up.
As I understand it, it wouldn't matter to you whether by phone or face to face.

I'm curious now how you guys would feel if you were in relationship, just not living together yet, and you were in love, happy etc. etc.
And then your woman phones you to tell you she's breaking up. It's over.

Would you have preferred her to do this face to face? After all, you were in relationship, don't you feel you deserve to be treated as such and not like an old pair of socks that was thrown out?
Wouldn't that make you feel as if you didn't mean anything to her? Not worth to spend the time -and possibly money- of a drive over on?

No judgement btw, just really interested how most men work when it comes to these things :)

I don't see it as a ' man or woman thing' it's just people.

I've had a phone call before, And yea it sucks, but it's an end.

It's no easier for men you know.

We haven't got some kind of magic wand that makes life easier.

Possibly one that makes life more difficult

But seriously. If we had been together a while, more than a few dates,

£60 though....It would depend on how much free time and cash you have.

an whether you felt there was anything worth talking through.

It's not just men at all.

This is the Dear John letter of recent history. Only now, instead of snail mail one-way communication, its phone or internet two-way communication.
In the service I've seen guys who get a Dear John letter and many take it hard.
Some can't let go. Will demand to 'see' her asap. Few can actually let her go and need to villify her in order to accept it. The knee-jerk reaction is to think she is cheating or already has someone else taking your place.


From what I've witnessed in other guys I've known who went thru a remote break-up those things are very low on the list of things they feel. Usually just fuel to a fire which has already been lit by far worse assumptions.

Many times, when a gal breaks up with a guy in any way, the guy feels betrayed.
The betrayal then gets justified by imagining she is doing all sorts of things which explain her behavior. Things which have some basis, even a hint, of being a possible motive.
Plus, many times the guy doesn't 'see' it coming.
Probably because most guys don't super-analyse the relationships they are in till something goes very wrong.

It all depends on how deeply a guy feels love for her.
Some guys keep love in their hearts so much it consumes them.
Some guys keep a cushion in front of the love they feel.
Some guys don't really love her at all and merely go thru the motions.

How a guy takes any break-up depends upon the love he feels for her.
Money, distance and time are usually secondary considerations.
Its the severity of the betrayal they feel which sets the reaction.
Plus, the method of break-up is not as important as the fact the break-up happened in the first place.

Then you have the fact she breaks up with him.
It sets a worthiness doubt in his mind.
This impacts a guy's self-worth like a sledgehammer.
His self-esteem takes a hit and his first response is usually anger.
It doesn't matter much how it was done, its the fact it was done and it wasn't his idea.

That's pretty much what male relationship / dating coaches tell, and also what I've come across with men myself.
Clearly very different from how a woman takes it and yet in many ways, the underlying emotions, are very much the same. The feeling of rejection (not worthy), anger, possibly feeling betrayed etc.
But for me -and can't speak for other women- the way he ends it matters. Like a man not being bothered to tell me face to face cos he hasn't the baws or can't be @r$ed to drive a bit does add to my pain AND my feeling of unworthiness. "I'm mean so much to him he can't even do it the right way!", that feeling.

One breakup I was totally fine, although I had to seriously recover since he was a narcissist. Then I found out he'd already found himself another woman, before I'd even moved out! Now the breakup was fine, it truly was the best for my well-being, but him having moved on, having replaced me in the blink of an eye, hit me like a brick wall in the face.

So I guess the underlying emotions and thoughts are the same, just the way we process them is different? Would you agree?

Thanks, very insightful!

I agree in how men and women have similar feelings dealing with break-up.

What I've seen tho, men seem to take the news no matter how its given, as valid.

I think there is no 'better way'/'worse way' a man can be broke up with because the breakup itself is what is important and how he finds out is not as important as the fact it happened in the first place.

After some time has passed to digest the news, the method may become significant but its an after-thought. A review of the events which already occurred.

In high school and college I've seen guys who get the news from their girlfriends friends. I've never heard the guys complain about the method till after the event has past and they've had time to digest the news and become resentful.

When my daughter was in high school her bf broke up with her by text.
She was highly pissed at the fact it wasn't in person. She was more angry about the method than the fact he broke up with her.

My oldest son and his long term girlfriend broke up by phone. Her dad would no longer allow her to be with him because of religious conflicts, they were catholic and we were christian. My son understood and the method wasn't as important as the fact neither of them actually wanted to end the relationship.

I think one of the reasons I break up in person is because I tend to respect the women I get into relationship with and I believe they deserve the personal respect of a face to face experience. It also helps to completely end the relationship so she isn't left hanging with questions or unfounded hope. When I break up its final. Face to face is the only way to drive that point home without hurting them. Just because we are not right for each other doesn't mean I don't care about them. I don't enter into bf/gf relationships unless I do care about them.

Strong men, men who are truly role models,
don't need to put down women to make themselves feel powerful.
~ Michelle Obama

i have broken up over text .....twice .....
full explanation given with emojis included ...... got a little resistance ...... but i was kinda determined not to ever see or speak to them again ...... and so it happened .... its been a few years now ......
was I lazy ?? perhaps .... who is gonna sue me now ???? ha ha !!