Since M2 is a social/dating site and the M2 forums is a place to relate to many different people from many walks of life I pose a 'related question' for consideration.

In establishing a relationship with another (for any reason) which includes personal friendships how important is it to you to conform to expectations of habit?

Like:

Do you, adjust your listening habits, and clothing to match the other(s)?
Will you listen to music you don't really like because they like it or do you make your preferences about it known? Will you buy and wear clothes which make you uncomfortable because they wear and like that type of clothing?
If you are at their home and they want to watch a movie or play music you don't like, do you suffer thru and watch or listen anyway?

How important is it for you to be 'liked' in every way by them, even when it clashes with your natural preferences?

Do you have a 'free soul' or are you bound by other's expectations.
How much does peer pressure shape your behavior?
How prone are you to participate in fads and public sentiments even if they clash with your own values and preferences?

Buying a song, a movie, clothing or other items based more on popularity than personal value?
Liking a video or post because it has high numbers of 'likes' or many 'followers'?

How often are you ready to stand alone? Be your own person or voice a different opinion?

This isn't a 'good vs bad' thread or topic. Its meant to understand others and ultimately ourselves.

It asks are you determined to stand alone (if need be) to assure your 'place' in society or are you open to new experiences with a wide range of tolerance.
I know there are times when things over-lap between the extremes. There are times when you must take a stand and times when you must align but I'm wondering about 'most of the time'.

I am just me, I never try to fit in. Love me or dislike me, no problem...it does not affect my world one bit.

For me .. M2 is just entertainment .. I have no interest in mimicking others or seeking popularity . Certainly never afraid to stand alone

I don't think you are going to find anyone who admits to being a "chameleon", or a "sheeple" even though there are billions out there.

Well, you specified "for any reason" and in my opinion that makes a lot of difference!
In some situations one has to adapt a bit. For instance one may have to conform to dress code at work, that is fairly obvious, at least temporarily, while you look for an alternative job where you can dress anyway you like. Social gathering, you don't go to a wedding in your swimsuit. Even everyday at dinner, if you are in a large family someone has to adapt, can't cook a different meal for every person. Music / films, same... if you are in a group of ten people and want to decide which movie to watch, it takes some adaptation. Of course it's not necessary to say that you love Pulp Fiction just because everybody loves it (I dislike it). One can always express their own preferences, but should not get to the point either my choice or I take the ball and nobody plays... unless the ball is more important to you than the company you're in...

I make no apologies for my temperament.
I hate trends and fads, do not and will not follow them.
I try hard to treat others with the same amount of respect as they give me.
I'm totally into "real".
I hate scammers and thieves.
I know that Karma is a real thing.
I can not stand fake.
Quality is always "in".

Great questions, Tom!

I think often I'm at the precipice of the overlap. That how I've come across new things many times, whether music, things, food.

How much I have to adept also defines where this other person is: my inner circle or outer circle. Someone who's very different and would require compromise, and thus isn't a great match, is in the outer circle.

Groups can be a thing. I don't like groups (in real life), I don't do well with peer pressure either. I don't like having to follow someone else's lead. If I have no choice I will do it, but will wangle myself out of it asap!

I'm not interested in fashion, but in what suits me. But what you can buy does of course depend on current fashion, hihi.

All in all I am open to new & different up to a point but if I have to change who I am, it's a no-go.

There are moments of utility where alignment is important and useful.
Great examples Luca!

I've noticed a different type of alignment which includes conformity to others in ways which are hazardous to healthy self-esteem. Often done without realizing it. An example might be the hierarchy which forms in friendship groups.

Another condition exists where one will automatically select activities which align with popular sentiments specific to their peer groups. This auto-selection happens without purposeful intent or realization that it clashes with their own values. An example could be they like a painting only because it is popular, not because holds any meaning to them personally. They buy the artwork and display it in their home merely to show others. Their music collection is composed of bands which hold no personal value beyond the fact they have it.

I'm not specifying M2 or M2 forums. It happens in all social group environments. It also happens a lot in pair bonding.

I usually date for long periods. Sometimes I look at the stuff I've collected or the hobbies I've adopted and wonder why I did that. I made unconscious choices which defy logic according to my own values.

I'm currently looking at this in my relationships right now. My youngest child is now 30 years old. Of the four children I have I noticed I've developed a favoritism towards one. I've noticed I have a lot of movies, shows and music which my gf likes but I don't really care for. Even the fact I am more prone to read comments from some minglers and ignore others.
This sudden realization helps sort myself. Helps me feel 'in control' of myself.
I question the 'why' for the decisions I make. What are my motives?

I wonder if others also question their motives for the choices they make.
I wonder if others never question the motives for the choices they make.
I wonder how common or strange it is to question the why for the motives or decisions.
Do people do this often or do they do this at the time they make their decisions or not at all?

I stopped asking myself too many questions about my own behaviour when I was 19... In my case I realized that too much introspection was probably going to make me a great poet or writer (I did write a lot at the time) but would also lead me to depression and kill me. Since then, I have accepted that my behaviour is who I really am. If I adapt to someone else's taste, probably the reason is the simplest possible one: I like them, and want to be liked by them. But I also accept easily that in some cases I do not need anyone's approval and don't care if they like me or not. Or in some other cases it's just coincidence that I happen to like the same things of someone I like.

I see the forums as some entertainment, banter like stuff. But I am glad, I made a couple of friends here

If a potential match don't like who, or the way I am, then too bad. I am who I am.

Regarding your first paragraph:
"Do you, adjust your listening habits, and clothing to match the other(s)?
Will you listen to music you don't really like because they like it or do you make your preferences about it known? Will you buy and wear clothes which make you uncomfortable because they wear and like that type of clothing?
If you are at their home and they want to watch a movie or play music you don't like, do you suffer thru and watch or listen anyway?"
Mt ex (in the 80's) did that...it wasn't until we were getting divorced that he told me all those things he acted like he liked and was interested in?
He had just pretended..
Since I wasn't pregnant/ we didn't HAVE to get married...I asked him why he married me then...
He said because I was cute, and the sex was good....
I became more firm in my standards, which got me two FAR better men (am a widow now)
So, that's why I have no patience or interest in someone who can only say "all that matters is I am attracted to you..none of that other stuff matters/ is important/ will work itself out.."
"other stuff" like shared interests, values, personal ideology....
No baby.....been there, done that, and, sorry...that isn't enough for me...
I feel the more a couple has in common the longer the relationship will last....

You said:
"Do you have a 'free soul' or are you bound by other's expectations.
How much does peer pressure shape your behavior?
How prone are you to participate in fads and public sentiments even if they clash with your own values and preferences?"
No...none...and no.
I am not and have never been a herd follower.

You said:
"Buying a song, a movie, clothing or other items based more on popularity than personal value?
Liking a video or post because it has high numbers of 'likes' or many 'followers'?"
I don't give a darn how many "Likes" or "Followers" I have on Facebook/ social media (which i rarely use)...I don't know this people, why would I care what they think of me?
What I like as far as what you mentioned is NOT what the majority of people out there like...my interests/ tastes are vastly different than the "pod people"...
Not saying they can't like, prefer and want what they want....not at all...
Justr give ME the same courtesy...without demeaning my preferences/ tastes.


You said:
"How often are you ready to stand alone? Be your own person or voice a different opinion?"
That was one of the things my late husband liked about me..he said he liked that I thought for myself, had my own beliefs/ opinions and stood by them.

I see no value in making yourself like certain things that you just can't stand....eventually, you will not be able to, like my ex...aside from the fact it is a dishonest start to a relationship.

I am who I am...I like, want, need, and prefer what I like, want, need, and prefer...

If that is not too your taste/ liking....feel free to move on..
I am not going to change myself to suit you.
I would NEVER presume to ask or expect someone to change to suit ME...I expect the same courtesy.

My way or the highway

Dont care kiss my keister

I love Bluegrass, I agree!
There are people who do it for a reason with dishonest intentions or some type of inferiority complex.
Technically, I see it as a form of lying, not only to others but yourself as well.

However, I believe there are times when we do it without thinking about it, kinda automatically.
A possible result from a lifetime of exposure to subliminal behavior modification. Including subliminal advertising strategies.

I mean, if you look around your home, how many people have storage with something they bought but used once and just set it aside. Why did you buy it in the first place? Its like a child wanting a toy because other children on TV have one. They get it, play with it for a day or two and then it just sets in the toy box.

Or...You look at a movie on IMdb and it has a really high rating and great reviews then you buy it and it actually sux or you can't wait for it to finish because you find it so boring.

Or...You buy an outfit which matches your gf/bf's favorite style and you find the only time you wear it is when they wear the one it matches, but its really uncomfortable or you feel restricted.

Or...You eat or don't eat foods which you don't really like. You cook with mushrooms because they like mushrooms but you hate them. You like a lot of garlic in Italian dishes but they hate garlic so YOU don't use garlic. They love Pizza and you detest the stuff yet you have pizza when you get together.

My daughter is all into Facebook. She was telling me she can't read her feed because there are too many other people commenting on everything. I asked her how many friends she has and it was a lot. I asked her why so many and she replied "I Don't Know?".

When we have motive for doing these types of things its understandable. I usually don't and people think I'm weird but in this sense I am weird.
I have control of myself, yet I still have instances where I do these things unknowingly. Kinda like an automatic response sometimes.

Part of my anti-depression plan is to gain control of myself. While I have a great success rate at mindful things, I still have work to do on my subconscious.
If what I am finding is a common trait in humans from many different walks of life, it may be normal behavior which requires little or no effort to correct. If its just me, it might mean more effort will be needed for me to get control of it. Or...It could be nothing to be concerned with.

The only thing I fret is that I hurt someone subconsciously. I don't spread hurt if I can help it. In the past, I have hurt people without intending to do so. The after-the-fact guilt leads me into the depression cycle.

Let me address Facebook first..
When someone says they have 50-100+ "friends...I tell them no honey..what you have is 50-100+ "acquaintences"....big difference..

Moving on...
I have nothing in my house which isn;t useful..
People are all the time telling me to have a yard sale (when i mention i ciuld use some money..
Sell what?
My 43year old bedroom suite?
(mattress is much newer though..LOL)
My 15 year old TV?
My 14 year old living room furniture?
My vintage stereo equipment?

I don't have 20 pairs of shoes, or clothes I cannot wear...
I don't buy things on a whim...or because others are..or to "fit in"...as I never did and still don't give a fig about "fitting in"...because, who makes that criteria anyway?
People I don't know, and probably wouldn't like if I *did* know them.....

I do not buy clothes I don't like or are uncomfortable it I would feel "restricted" in...why would I?
I wouldn't ask anyone else to do that..

As far as your food comment...
First off...I wouldn't be with someone to such a degree that I cooked regularly for them*unless* we were in a serious long term thing, and that would have necessitated them being just as adventurous with regard to food as *I* am...
I cook ethnic a lot...and love eating out at ethnic places...
If all someone wanted to eat at was Cracker Barrel or Applebee's....it wouldn't work long term..

I might have a casual friend that making so many allowances would work for me..
But, long term?
A partner/ spouse?
Nope....too many differences means someone is going to be making compromises and bending for the other...and, it it usually one person doing that, and...just no...it gets old after a while, and creates friction and/ or resentment.
Better to find someone more compatible...

In summation...my views are my own....I don't expect anyone else to agree or live by them...as they shouldn't me,...NOR should they denigrate them....
You (the generic *you*) should do what works best for you....and give others the courtesy and respect to do that also...not tell them how they are wriong...

Too many questions on here to answer but all I can say is, the older I've gotten, the more that I feel free to be me. That's what matters.

Compromise - Yes
Conformity - NEVER