Ok, so you find someone. You either live together, marry or are in a committed relationship.
Are there going to be boundaries when it comes to both your internet use?
Or do you just blindly trust them to do the right thing?

What is healthy?

I have seen many arguments on Facebook about this, but I would like to know what the Mingle jury thinks?

The man would have to commit to using internet for business Only.

No Dating websites.

If he doesn't then, there will be no serious committed relationship! He can continue to date elsewhere.

I prefer to keep it 'friends only',
with the door open to possibilities,
until AFTER the first in person meet.

AFTER or WHEN you are in a relationship Rock...

.

You cannot blindly trust the other person to do the right thing because that could end in disaster. The most healthy thing to do is try to solve it with communication. Talk about it. Without knowing how the other person feels about it there never will be a solution only speculation.

If in a relationship, the possibilities should be
flourishing.

Possibilities?

Internet use can indeed be a problem. But one would assume with the right person they'd have decent, normal internet use as well.
My internet use goes down when in a relationship as you then have other things to do.

Dating sites are certainly off limits, and I wouldn't be keen on porn either.
Talking to a lot of women, or women at all actually, also a deal-breaker.

Porn is one of the biggest issues. I have a wonderful porn-free life now, unfortunately a man comes with porn, no pun intended.
And to be honest, it's unacceptable to me.

What about friendships and family? Does he/she stop engaging?

I use Facebook messenger to chat/video chat my family.

if you are friends first it makes a stronger bond and a longer stronger relationship

Yes. But the topic is about internet use IN A RELATIONSHIP lol. Am I clear?

Do you see a relationship, by itself, to be
the 'be all/end all?

Or, can a relationship have the possibility
to grow, in a healthy, happy manner?

Like a flower, if properly nourished and tended to,
a relationship should blossom.

With neglect, even an orchid will wither.


However, I'll stick to my guns, that internet
is 'friends only' territory.

He can use the Phone or face book as long as I have his password and see his friends list Often.

I use messsgenger myself!

I'm probably not the best one to ask. I was in the midst of an eight year relationship while still posting frequently on DH. We didn't live together, but she knew and didn't care.

Thing was, I made it clear to everyone on the site. They all knew. I stayed away from all gossip, behind the scenes drama, etc. I was mostly left alone by women with ideas...

I hear you. It must be hard for men when they are very visual and porn is just a click away when they are lonely or frustrated.
The internet is a fantastic tool, for good or bad.

What is DH?

Datehookup

A place that no longer exists. The forums were a hundred times busier than these.

Ahhh, now I get what you are saying.

My ex and I stayed on Mingle too for the forums. More me really, as he did not post much. But when we finally married and then lived together we had each other's company and did not need to Mingle.

If they're using the internet to a point I'm not comfortable with then I'm not going to stick around long enough to get to a "live together, marry, or in a committed relationship" with them.

If I'm living with them, married to them, or in a committed relationship to them, and their "internet usage" changes to a degree where "boundaries" regarding it are significant, then I'm going to try to figure out "what's going on," why the change.


"Blind trust" is kind of an oxymoron.
"Blind trust" is "faith."

If we've been together to the point where we're living together, married, or are in a committed relationship, and they're behaving how they've always behaved, I'm going to "trust" them to continue behaving how they've always behaved.

If we've been together to the point yadda yadda yadda and their behavior changes, I'm not going to have "faith" that they're going to change back to what's normal for them, I'm not going to "blindly trust" that they're changing to something "good," I'm going to ask questions and pay attention.


"Boundaries" is a significant point, though.

There's a huge difference between "realizing what natural organic boundaries exist, what can I tolerate," and, "setting boundaries on yourself or someone else."


Whatever isn't a significant enough problem to cause a negative interruption or inability to cope in/support your life?