leaving the world wont solve anything,you'll just bring the **** into the next one.maybe if you paint or draw how you feel it will help calm you down.sometimes when i'm real nutso i color in a coloring book or doodle.it calms me.try doing some art at home for the hll of it.i think the pressure of having your art graded has taken some of the pleasure and wonder you feel when you create.maybe this is what is getting you depressed.i dunno.heres a hug anyway.they always help.

thanks for the hug ((((JAX)))) they always help. I can't seem to get motivated. I sketched while I was waiting for the Dr to call me. I have to practice more so I can get better grades. You might be onto something abut the grading but I dont think that is what is triggering this. I think this is chemical and has been bugging the crap out of me cuz nothing is really wrong. I even got asked out to dinner. I dont know what the hell is going on, but I get up when I can and put on the fake happy face and go to school. Just couldnt today. Withdrawl is a bitcch.

I am sooooo not going to attract guys this way.....

sure you will.just go to a Trekkie convention..you'll blend..

Karen - sorry things are so rough right now, but never give up the fight, the fight is always better than the alternative. Must be the meds need adjusting, I am glad you went to the doc, hope he/she has some ideas and can help you out. Wish there was some magical cure to make things calm down for you. But Jax is right, she had some great advice. I wonder too about you having to now follow strict guidelines with your art and being graded, they have taken away your freedom and creativity you had before, I wonder if that has been bothering you on some level too, maybe you could do some in your private time to release your creativity at home. Just a thought. I hope things get better soon.

Jax - great advice, hope your son is all better and things are going well with your job.

Roy - let me know when you get bored, I have a house just crying out for a paint job and overhaul - . Just kidding, my house needs it bad and hope to get into it before too long, but wow, so much to do, am picking things off at a time. My kid left her housefull of stuff in here and my parents stuff is still here, so sorting and getting rid of things as I go. Wouldn't be so bad if it was only mine. Good work on getting your house and life in order.

Amber - what a jerk your mom's husband sounds like. Have you told her? Sounds like he needs to be kicked to the curb. If I were married to him, I would want to know so I could deal with him. How awful, if some guy ever did that to my daughter, he would be "singing soprano" from now on. Sounds like a real winner. Don't let him affect your mental health and working toward getting better. Hope the meds are working for you. Good luck.

Cleo - again, welcome. Glad you like our "home."

Mommy - sorry you haven't been able to find work. Have you tried the temp agencies to get some piece work, or volunteering at a place that may be able to turn it into a full or part time position later? Just a thought. I don't know how you do it. Sorry your son is sick, that flu and cold junk that is going around is nasty. Take care of yourself. We had seen what it has done to Snuggles. She is still on the ventilator, for a week and a half now. Hopefully will be off on Sunday, but maybe not now, as they back her of the sedation she is apparently fighting the ventilator, so apparently that will slow the process (according to her daughter), but hope she gets off it soon. The flu that is going around is not one that is covered by the flu shots and it turns into pneumonia in a lot of people so be careful, apparently is the one she got. Take care and feel better. I agree with Karen see if you can take a smaller dose of Seroquel for sleep.

Debbie - I wonder if you need a new doctor, someone to review all your meds and change or reduce what you are on, I worry that you could overdose with what they have you on, such high doses of heavy duty meds.

Everyone have a great day. Take care.

Haven't been getting bored here, lately but thanks for the offer, Marie. Got to work with my friend's old lady last night. She is more macho than me. She got to meet what I call my exorcist resident last night. She asked me what do I do now because the resident went into her exorcist mood which she sometimes does except she can't make her head spin around. I told her that she is just isn't a good ass kisser. Here let me show you how to do it. She was amazed how well I could suck up. She said it just wasn't in her to do. I learnd it from watching 'Dallas' on television and J. R. Ewing famous quote of, "After you lose integrity the rest comes easier." I really had fun working with her. She is just about as strong as me. I was really impressed; I haven't ever got to work with a real Amazon before. It was like working with Xena. Wow!

yes, sometimes i think ill kill myself with all these meds. when my mom found me out cold on the floor at 3 in the morning, dont know what happened, she said my breathing was very laboured. your right i need to be careful.

how are you feeling??

Karen, I like the information Jax gave you. It is the year of confusion. Happy Leap Day! (Unless You're in Debt)
This being February 29 — Leap Day — today is costing you an extra day's interest if you're repaying a debt. On the bright side, its earning you a tiny bit more on your bank deposits.

Whom do we have to thank — or curse — for this extra day every four years? Julius Caesar and his lover, Cleopatra.

In 48 B.C., Julius Caesar was in Alexandria, Egypt, absorbing the culture and science — and decadence — of Cleopatra's capital. There he learned from an old sage named Acoreus about Egypt's calendar, which had a leap year.

At the time, the Roman calendar did not. Like most ancient calendars, it was based on the phases of the moon, which in one cycle take about 29.5 days. But 12 months of 29.5 days doesn't equal the true length of the year as measured by the orbit of the Earth around the sun. It's off by 11 days, so anniversaries, holidays, and entire seasons to drift backward on lunar calendars.

The ancient Egyptians had realized this and created a calendar 365??-days long — with the fraction averaged in by adding an extra day every four years.

When Caesar returned to Rome, he created a 365-day calendar with a quadrennial leap year, adding the extra day in February.

A minor hassle for some, perhaps, but certainly better than the alternative faced by the Romans. Back in 45 B.C., for instance, their lunar calendar had drifted backward by 80 days — nearly three months. Spring had become winter, and autumn came in the summer months.

To correct, this Caesar decreed that 45 B.C. would be 445 days long. Think about the extra interest on 80 extra days! No wonder they called it "The Year of Confusion."

by David Ewing Duncan


If the truth offends you then pluck it out. I guess. It would be nice to tell critics to judge not lest ye be judged but I guess critics are like judges and it is there job to criticize or to judge. Opinions are like assholes. I guess. You might tell your critic that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I think you expressing your views would actually do the opposite and attract males. Who hasn't been the underdog once in a while? I hope you are feeling better, today. They tell us in the nurse's aide handbook to look at things from the point of the resident. Ever try to look at things from the Alzheimer's point of view? Their reality is distorted. But who would question the popularity of Van Gogh's work? Too bad you can't get a second opinion.

(((Roy))) thank you for the very interesting reply. Didn't know any of that stuff but have always wondered.

I will be fine. Doc is taking care of this and I will be going back to school Monday, be it high or not.

Kinda wondering what my perception will be while high on meds. My art might get better and then it might get worse. Who the hell knows.

I know anything that has to do with writing and I'm fuccked. But I will put on the fake smile and try not to let on that Im high as a kite and confuzzled as hellfire. Thank you everyone for being so supportive. Lubyas.

I was on 100 mg before and I couldnt sleep, that's why she increased it... I guess I'll have to see if she can give me something else. I dunno


Thanks!! I am sooo happy myself. He is such a good man!! I have no doubt things will work out for us!!!

Cleo - Thank you!!

Marie - Knowing what happend with Snuggles is what made me go to the doc, I thought, I can't be out here praying for her to get better if I ended up in the hospital like she did. Saw the doc yesterday, he wrote me a script for Z-pak and cough syrup w/codine in it. I am feeling a little bit better today, the coughing has calmed down some

im on 1000mg a day of swroquel, 200mg in the morning and 800mg at night, but half the time i dont take it, to may side effects.

Mommy - stay on top of that cold or flu, whatever you have, we DON'T need anyone else in the hospital. Snugs in really sick, tried her off the respirator for a few minutes today and she couldn't do it so put her right back on so no way she can come off by Sunday at this rate, damn. And, then they told her daughter that her collapsed lung (from a week or so ago) has not reinflated yet and she may need surgery for that. Her poor body is going through hell right now. Her brother is flying up as soon as he can get a flight to check things out, his wife is a RN, and if they think she isn't getting the proper care they are going to transfer her to a better hospital. I am talking to her daughter daily, she is really mature for 19, but needs someone to talk to. I hope she turns this around soon.

Roy - sounds like you have a good coworker there, Xena huh?? Did she wear the cast iron breast plate too?? I always wondered how she rode a horse with that sucker on, I know, TV, and everything is bogus on TV, was only plastic I'm sure, but sure had the guys in the audience drooling I'm sure.

Amber - hope things are going well for you. Don't let your mom's husband being a jackass set you back. You are a great person and you didn't do anything to bring this on, don't let him mess with your head. Hope your new meds are working.

Karen - hope your new meds are working too. Darn wish they would come up with a magic potion to help sort things out. Guess I am lucky having straight depression - just more of a flat line, not a roller coaster. Take care and hang in there.

Jax - stay healthy, hope your son is better. Hope things are going well at your job.

Debbie - don't know about your meds, but think you out to try a drug holiday and totally detox your body and see what happens and how your body feels totally free. Some of your insomnia and other problems are likely drug side effects. I wouldn't take all that stuff, I am scared of too many drugs, take a minimal amount, and am cautious with what I do take.

Everyone have a good weekend, I am going to my aunt's memorial, leaving in the morning for Oregon and won't be back until Sunday afternoon/evening. Will post an update on Snuggles then too. Take care and hope your weekend is good, I won't have access to a computer. Stay healthy.

Take care and travel safe (((Marie))). I will keep you and everyone in prayer. I hope you can feel better yourself. I wish there were a magic potion too, but know that will never happen. Doc said I will be on meds for the rest of my life. Scarey thought and not happy about it. It really gets to me.

I keep having this dream that Im old and homeless. I cant afford meds and have beome crazy. I am pushing a shopping cart and keep a large dog with me to protect me. I have to beg for money to eat. I hate that dream.

ok i need some advice or help, i am on meds for depression and that is pretty much under control but what i cant get under control is the agitation, the doctor had me on pexeva, it didnt do any good, than changed that to lexapro and that was like taking nothing at all, now im on effexor and it is helpin a little but still cant get the agitation under control, i feel like im doomed to just have it and that nothing is gonna control it, has anyone out there been like this and if so what meds controled it..............thanks for reading this and any advice

Hi kntrygal, yes I have had that and extreme anxiety. I take klonapin, and it helps a great deal. Geodon helps as well, although it can make me sleepy and a bit grogged out, but it works. Maybe you can ask your doc about those. Remember, I am not a Dr, but just telling you what works for me. Everyone is different and responds differnetly to meds.......hope this helps some.

actually marie.........i developed a reaction to the lamictal.......i have a bad rash on the back of my neck that burns and hurts.....

Oh believe me I am stayin on top of it!!I slept so much yesterday, and last night Jimmy called me and I barely remember talkin to him So I know the meds are workin' for me, cuz I sleep so dang much...gotta love that codine

My son is the one I am worried about...his cough is gettin' worse, even with the breathing tx's ...I gotta call the doc on monday and see if I can get him back in there. I don't need him getting admited to the Hospital..I'd be useless to everyone, myself inclueded.

There is wonderful medication that helps with both the agitation, depression and anxiety. It is called Effexor. You might want to ask your doctor about it.

Sorry I just read that you are alredy on it. How long have you been on it. It takes a few weeks to kick in.