I've been dating this guy for a little over a month. He's a great guy and we spend a lot of time together (in person and on the phone). It's something different because during the last relationship I only got to see the guy on weekends. Things were going well, but now I have some red flags up. We were talking the other day after his company Christmas party. His boss gave him a bonus check. He used most to pay his cell phone bill for last month and this month. He told me he only had about $30 left of it, after he also got some work on his tattoo and some new shoes. To back up a little his not got his financial issues in order. His account is in the red because of a hunting trip he took a few weeks ago. I asked why he didn't put some money in his account to bring it outta the red, and he told me that it wouldn't have covered what was in the red. Apparently it's the entire cost of the hunting trip he took a few weeks ago.

My thing is I know we've only been together a short while, but I'm looking for something long term, so financial stability is a key thing. He's a sweet guy and that's his only flaw so far. A friend said if that's his only flaw to talk to him about it and see how things go. Another friend said to drop them when they get to be more trouble than they are worth. Can anyone give me some advice?

At least he paid on his cellphone instead of blowing it.


Its not the end of the world.

It is something worth keeping an eye on. I wouldn't drop someone over this, but if it becomes a persistent issue then I would address it and then if he is unwilling to resolve his financial discipline issues then ....well.....

men r never good when it comes to money uts always a nother day tomo lol but dont give up on him jst for that, if he got a big bonaous he must of been doing something right

To be honest, what he spends his Christmas bonus on is really none of your business. It is his money!! If he is in the red, that is his problem. I think the only time you should worry about it is IF he asked you to borrow money. Until then, I don't think you should worry about it.
Why would you dump him over something that you can not control and you have really no reason to want to control? Its his money and its his bills!! If its really bothering you, talk to him. I do think he will probably tell you to butt out, I know I would tell someone exactly that who was being nosey!!

You asked for it so I will offer my two cents
First off everyone has financial problems at some point in their life, and this may be one of those times for him, just watch and see if he bails himself out. DON’T bail him out, or you are asking for trouble. If he is a man and has grown up he will dig himself out again, if not he hasn’t matured enough yet. I personally go in debt a little more every semester I go to school, but I take a semester off here and there to make it up, granted I don’t let it ruin my credit, but everyone has down times. I wish you luck, and hope it helps

HEY WENDY, heres the thing. THE more of us that you ask for advice[INCLUDING YOUR PERSON FRIENDS} the more confused you will become,it is you and him in this so the only one outside of the two of you that you shoul listen to is your GUTS!!!! always listen to your inner you that way you are not going off of someone elses plans, your grown now and if ou cant direct your self how can you direct your children when its time? remember your not the first one, and for sure wont be the last one to find yourself in a situation of these sorts but as long as you think it out and respect you own decision you will be fine, so good luck...signed FROM THE OUT SIDE LOOKING IN

Just to add a tat to this great advise...If and only if your planning a long term commitment, The honesty is there that he told you in the first place, that overrides the red flag, second place, if or when you do become exclusive enough to be in his business and it isn't handled, TALK and work it out together. All the Best!

Agree...also, he tells you where the money is going...sounds believable to me. He could be a drunk drug addict or a gambler. Things could be alot worse....good luck to you!

Hey Heater!!!

I know we've only been together a short time, but we are exclusive and I'm hoping that it continues to be a long term. I know what he does right now with his money isn't of my concern. Yes, he did ask to borrow money to do more work on his tattoo (well I'm hoping he was only joking about that).

I know everyone has financial problems. I'm indebt with school loans, but all my bills are paid on time. I know when I can and can't afford something extra.

it cruel punishment to dith them for just one flaw

Even if that one flaw could turn out to be a major problem? If things end up to the point we are living together, I would want to know that he was stable enough to carry his own. So far he's paying his bills, even though they might be a month behind. But it's not like me to be so casual about paying what I owe. Don't get me wrong, I've been late on a payment, but only because I wasn't paying attention to the due date, not because I didn't have the funds to pay.

maybe you can help him in this area, dont give up to quickly

I haven't yet. He is a really sweet guy.

you know what i wish i had a friend like you, hint hint

i think most guys have credit and financial issues. at least some of the guys i have dated. not that i am proud to attract financially irresponsible men but its not uncommon for guys to just blow through their money and ruin their credit in the process. i would not give the guy any nag about it. its not your place to say. but just keep in mind he is probably not going to change his ways. so just enjoy your time and make sure you dont get stuck footing the bill for all the dates. hopefully he is taking you out! but really its not something you have control over...good luck

Actually we haven't really gone out much in the month that we've been together besides to my house or his place. We went one night to sing kareoke (no cover charge, but he did buy my two margaritas). Last week we went to see Kevin Fowler. He wasn't going to go since he couldn't afford it, but changed his mind (probably because I mentioned buying his ticket, but he said that wasn't right) and then we went to his company Christmas party.

I seriously doubt he'd let me pay for going anywhere, but in the end we haven't really gone anywhere. Hell I wouldn't mind if he just said lets go to one of the state parks close to where we live for the day for a day of walking the trails and a picnic. It doesn't have to cost anything to go out.

Since I'm currently studying for my Evo.Psych final exam, I'll approach this issue from a relatively Darwinian standpoint, primarily referencing studies done by Buss and Schmitt and my personal interpretations.

It sounds to me that he is still in "short-term" mode when it comes to his overall lifestyle and mindset in regards to living life in a relationship. This comes to no surprise seeing that you two have only been in a relationship for one month, but CHANGE can be very difficult.

A man best suited for a long-term pair-bonding is responsible and knows and acts upon the fact that long-term investments are more benefitial than immediate gratification. Your boyfriend did just the opposite by buying some shoes rather than depositing money into his in-the-red account.

However, as klugman said, he DID make payments to his cell bill. He also got work done for his tattoo. Making necessary payments for his cell bill shows some hope for a maturing sense of responsibility. Keeping his current tattoo in tact shows that he does not back out of long-term investments, which is a good sign for your potential long-term relationshio. The point I made about his tattoo is VERY arguable, though, so take it with many grains of salt.

My personal advice would be not to worry about a long-term relationship at this time. Perhaps one month is not long enough to determine anything. You would be better off if you continue dating him as you are, watching for signs telling you whether or not he is suited for a benefitial long-term partnership. When more time has passed, you should gain more insight into the situation as long as you are self-aware of the separation between your heart and your head.

Rock,
-Chief

Evo Psych huh

Now give us the Abnormal Psych side of it