What is it you fear to lose or think you'd have to give up when getting involved with someone?
Based on something that was said in another thread, and I think it's something that goes on in many people.

If you say "I like being single" what is it you fear/think to lose when in a relationship?
From what I gather most people don't go out that much, maybe boozing, but not really the socializing scene, so that can't be it.
Same with flirting, I don't get the impression most here are going around playing the field and don't want to give up that 'freedom'.

So what is it? Figment of imagination? An excuse to tell people for you being single still? What?

Thing is, when in the right relationship things don't really change all that much, you actually gain. You gain support, fun times together, intimacy, a partner in crime, and so on.
You can still go out and do things by yourself, go out with your friends and so on.
It's not like you have to change. If you do, you do that yourself or you're with the wrong partner.

On the other end of the stick is you being alone, hoisting beer on the couch, dining alone, sleeping alone, dreaming of love, dreaming of a great sex life, having no one to share more private things with, no one to take care of you when your ill or afraid of something and so on.

So what's this thing of "I like being single"?

As for myself... I don't think I'd say "I like being single".
I don't mind, but it's not something I'd choose deliberately as in "I don't want a relationship right now, I like being single right now/too much!"
It's just life, going with the flow. I'm okay with being single. But I'd love to be in a relationship and have that soul mate by my side :)

I also don't dread having to give up on things that I do now. I don't see how I cannot do them anymore when in a relationship.
In past relationships I too spend time on my own things, it was never an issue. And if it would be, I'm in the wrong relationship.
I need a man who also has things to do, as long as it ain't fishing, haha. If he needs to be glued to me, not the right guy.

My mind.

MY FREEDOM to do what I like when I want to. Most women I have dated and 2 wives expected me to give up more of my time to them than was my preference. That time they wanted was usually for something that I really wasn't interested in. I guess if I found exactly the right woman who thought the same and enjoyed the same activities as I do, that wouldn't be an issue.

"From what I gather most people don't go out that much, maybe boozing, but not really the socializing scene, so that can't be it."

This may be true for some but others are often socially busy and have little interest in sitting at home doing nothing. Many people would not be comfortable with the way I live my life.

When one is single, one has only to think of one's self.
All decisions and consequences are your own.

When with someone you learn to share all..blame and
glory.

I can really go either way.
The joy of autonomy is unsurpassed.
Except by the ecstasy of being one with another.

Space.
But, i don't mind sharing with the right woman.

After the travesty that was my first marriage (in the 80's)...I learned to be more selective/ screen carefuly..
It got me two wonderful guys (am a widow now, sadly)..

I gave up nothing with either of them, as we were each other's best friend, the one we most wanted to do things with...we liked most of the same things, and the very few we didn't were not that big a deal..
I can only think of two things..my late husband watched college football (npt pro)...I hate football, but it wasn't a problem as I either read, or piddled on the computer while he was watching...
The guy before him liked to go to downtown Nashville and hang out and "people watch" (tourists)...I never got into that..
But, in all honesty..those are the only things we didn't share in common.

I hope to find one more like either of those.

I'm sad that so many *have* had to give up things..
And, funny dat...*those* same people who complain they had to give up this or that are the SAME people that tell me I am too picky, or differences are good, or I'll never find someone who I have everything in common with (hello? had 2).

Funny how it can be different for everyone, isn't it!

I can understand the freedom thing as I do think many have difficulty with both taking and giving that.
I need a lot of space so as long as that's in sync... And as long as I'm not demanded/expected to watch footy, F1 or Star Wars movies or anything else I haven't the least bit interest in, haha. I don't care if he watches it, but leave me be and do my thing, pleaseee!!

Only being responsible for you, I've never experienced it that way. I did with my kids, when they were old enough to leave the nest, never with a partner.

The one thing I can imagine posing a problem is "WHEN I like to..." But then again, when you are in sync, a good match that wouldn't be an issue either.
The reason it triggers me a little is that it could reek of not wanting to commit, and only wanting to take, not give. But then you're not talking about a healthy relationship.

Like I said, funny, and also good, how we are all different :)

Oh, it is indeed very possible to have an awful lot in common with the other. I've been there too, that's how I know as well.
People have also told me I'm too fussy, but there's knowing exactly what you want and need in order to be happy and there's being fussy.
Fussy is filling in details that don't really matter or basing what you seek on stuff that happened to you in the past.
Knowing what you need is knowing Self, having gained that wisdom through living life.
Some people indeed can't seem to discern the difference.

Well, something to recognize, is that "having to give things up" is a relativity kind of thing.

Basically, if two (or however many you have in mind) people are COMPATIBLE enough, it wont feel as though they are giving much of anything up. If they are significantly different, especially in general ex-actations about life, one or both are likely to feel as though they have to give up all kinds of "freedoms" to keep things going. The person who thinks they have to adjust the most, will likely complain about being restricted by being in the relationship the most.

If you get lucky, and you complEment each other well enough, joining forces can actually be incredibly freeing. I've never had that myself, but I've known people who were that lucky.

My personal greatest fear associated with getting serious with someone, isn't what I'd have to give up. Anyone who got involved with me, would be the one taking on the bigger challenge that way, I think. The only thing I really have any fear about, is being a disappointment.

Thank you, Igor, for your feedback. And I agree about the giving up feeling, or not.

IME those that say "I like being single" tend to "fear" giving up the illusion of absolute control, leaving the echo chamber they've built of their lives that reinforces a deluded self image.

Luckly, I’m not one of those. I do enjoy being single, the echo chamber is filled with the joy of
knowing who I am and what I am all about, growing so much in my interests and spirituality,
living a fulfilled life with family and friends. It was the dysfunctional relationship that gave
me a deluded self image.

I’m not opposed to sharing my life with another, but for now, life is really good.

I must be one of the lucky ones. I have never looked at a relationship as "losing anything" To me I have always "GAINED". Like anything else in life, if it is worth having, it is worth working for. If it is the right relationship you gain satisfaction and pleasure in making your partner feel like they are the 'only one' in the world for you, that 'special gift'. You reap what you sow. I have gained so much, the effort was always returned ten fold. Maybe it is a mind set.

Right after I posted in the other thread "a part of me likes being single" I wanted to take it back, edit it to say something different. Then I saw your post and immediately started writing about how I don't really like to be, just preferred it due to fears... I didn't have time to finish because I'd be late for work.

I'm glad I didn't finish, it gave me time to really think about what my initial response and the fears I was starting to speak of.... "What a crock" came to mind, haha.

I don't have fears of losing anything! And for probably the first time in my life I'm acknowledging that, YES... I like being single!

Most of my life I've been conditioned to believe that we are meant to be with someone. I've spent pretty much my entire life in one relationship or another, being alone felt unnatural and somehow like going against nature or everything I ever imagined my life would be... To someday meet my other half and become one with them. The last couple years of being single has been plagued with messages that there must be something wrong with me because I don't have someone special in my life. It's the only time in my life that I've had a problem meeting someone... or to be more honest, purposely avoided getting involved.

This past week I've been getting messages from a nice man in another State. I didn't message him back one day and he seemed hurt that he didn't hear from me. I found myself feeling annoyed because I felt like expectations were being placed on me and I simply don't want to be bothered. I don't want to share my time with anyone at this time in my life. When I get home I want to do what I want and not have to think of someone else.

Up until yesterday anytime I began to think that way I'd have this horrendous feeling of being selfish... Almost like telling myself "How dare you think of only you", haha. It goes completely against every cell in my body... which could explain the battle I've been having physically, lol... not seeing or embracing my inner truth or real feelings!

Truth is, I simply don't want to be bothered with a relationship right now. No fear behind that, just me taking time and "finally" embracing my singleness. Ironically as soon as I admitted to myself that I really do like being single and let go of all the messages I tell myself to convince myself otherwise, a lot of the pain I've been feeling started going away.

It's funny, my work place messed up my birthday... they post crew members birthdays in the current month we're in. According to that today is my birthday (it's really April 29th), haha. In a way though, today is my birthday....

My first day of truly being single, and embracing it... Time to celebrate!

Sometimes it's good to think about something for a bit isn't it!
Your posting made me think in turn, haha.
I don't have a problem being single, although I too have been raised indirectly to think you'd get involved, married and have children and live happily ever after.
Difference for me is that I have no problem being alone, never had, and I have had longer periods of time being alone.
I think I have no problem with it as I am a HSP (High Sensitive Person) and very creative, and as such need time to recharge and create. The other reason is that I've been bullied for years on end at school, every feckin' day, so I've learnt at a very young age to be alone, to fend for myself. Another thing is that at home I didn't get the attention I truly needed due to an older sister with epilepsy who ate up most of my mother's time.
So I think I've kind of developed a habit of not seeking company all that much as my experience is mostly that I don't get seen, aren't appreciated and so on.

But I also simply need time to recharge and I've always made sure I did that, even when I had a family with young kids. It's not really a choice even, I have to in order to be able to function. So even though I had the tendency to please and give, I still took time for me, likely extra worn out by the pleasing, haha.

I do prefer to be in a relationship. Just because it adds to life. The support, the togetherness, the love, the fun, the joy etc.
It's odd in a way, because I have the rock solid conviction I will not lose myself in a relationship, so that doesn't concern me in the slightest. That's funny because it did happen when with the narcissist. But then again, not really, as I never lost my deeper real me. He couldn't get to that, couldn't touch that. So I guess that's where that conviction lives.
If life has taught me something it's that I always bounce back. Always, regardless.

Deep thought for a hot afternoon, haha.

If you "fear" you are being negative and that will fed the mind the wrong way. As you fed the body to function with good foods you should try to fed the mind with good thoughts. Water Lily hits the home run by thinking you gain in a relationship and has no fear because her thoughts about being single are positive.

Disclaimer time: I have never met or inter reacted with the above mentioned individual, statements made by me are based upon my opinions and not facts.

Inspired by what Riverspirit1111 posted, I want to suggest the addition of another word to use about this, as opposed to "fear."

That word is "wary." I am WARY of getting involved in an official "relationship," because I have so often discovered that the other person (or I) had a set of unspoken expectations all along, that I now had to contend with on a daily basis.

Among the most common "annoying" (as Riverspirit accurately called them) expectations, are things like how much faster a "mate' is required to respond to emails and text messages than a "friend" is; and how much of one's own income one can spend on a personal item, before involving the "mate" in the decision. That kind of thing.

Another sort of "reverse" mate-expectation worry, are the assumptions many people have about what they DON'T have to do anymore, once their "friend" becomes their "mate." Obvious old examples, are the proverbial old-fashioned sexist males, who assume the female mate will instantly become their personal maid; or the proverbial old-fashioned sexist females, who assume that the male "mate" will instantly take over all the tasks and duties they think men are supposed to handle.

Many a time we've seen young marriages founder on the rocks of those kinds of "everybody knows X" kinds of things.

You touch upon some interesting things, also the "don't have to do anymore" part.
But then you also raise another issue as many of these things are quite normal.
In the past my hubbie even scraped my car clean from frost so I wouldn't have to do that and could go straight to work after I'd dropped our kids off at school.
My daughter's partner did the same thing last winter.
My ex told me to not worry about changing a tyre or wheel, he'd do that as that's more his area of expertise as a man than mine.
I was not offended by it in the slightest. There was no sexism in there at all. Just the sheer fact that men like to help their woman -unless they're damaged goods-, have more knowledge on car stuff, and are physically stronger.
So in a way you do expect certain things, yes, and I find that quite normal. What is ABnormal is asking a guy to help out and look at your car brakes cos you have reason to be concerned, he says "Why can't you that? Why must I do that because I'm a man?"
He was abnormal when it came to men/women things as he was seriously damaged goods AND he was a narcissist. Didn't give a chit about my well-being and safety.

The cooking and cleaning is different as most women work as well these days and those things have to do a lot with time. Fixing a car, a fence, a bicycle and so on are occasional occurrences. Household and cooking is a never ending story and daily task, and it's a lot.
In spite of that most of the household still lands on a woman's shoulders.