Peculiar how people interpret 'a take charge man'...
Most go for "a man who wants to take charge & control in a relationship".
I'm thinking most project their own (past) issues onto this, hihi, and read through their personal filters.

Do you like a take charge man?
Do you like a man to take charge (=control, be dominant) in a relationship?

Not the same thing... Just me & MsHarmony who seem to have a different perspective.

Well, please explain how they are different...

As i said..i don't need a leader/ someone to lead.....I need an eequal partner...

I like a man, who knows how to handle things but he also knows how to compromise on things .

Everyone puts up a lil bit of a struggle about it at first, eventually, they understand it's a way better option to let me take charge of things

There are different levels. Some see take charge as a relation where one partner has NO SAY, NO CONTRIBUTION, and does not matter AT ALL, only there for the whim of the other. TO me, this is not healthy, nor is it love.

I see a take charge guy as someone who discusses things because my say, my contribution, and myself all matter to him. But at the end of the day, he has earned the trust and respect for me to count on him to do what needs to be done, not just because it is what he has decided on his own or he is the only one that matters, but because he has paid attention enough and had the history that demonstrates that he CARES about US as a team.

Not srguling, understand...just trying to comprehend/ unddrstand this..

Why can't YOU be the one "to do what needs to be done"??

Why is it his plcae/ job/ position to do that?

Or. at the very least, let each partner do "what needs to be done" WRT their abilty and talent..
One might be the better at finances...one might be the better at planning things (trips, dates), one might be the better at long-term planning for goals...etc..

I guess maybe it is like those women who go on about "I don't need no man"..and claim loudly they never want to be married again..then you dig, and find they had a bad, or unpleasant marriage, and it colored their view on any further relationship of that sport..

My ex, being such a control freak...I suppose *that* have turned me off/ colored MY percetion of "take charge"/ asthoratative/ dominant dudes..

For what it is worth..I never gavce him case to be that way..
he said crap like "I knowe fotr a fact your office is 15 miles from here, and it should take no more than 30 mintues to get home..If you get off work at 4:30...how come it takes you 2 hours to get home?"

Well, let's see...I went to the grocery store, the post office, got gas so I'd have enough to get to work in the morning and not have to stop and do it then..
Any number of innocuous things normal people do..

He ended up marrying a girl 17 years younger than him (she was 17 at the time), who barely graduated from high school, had never worked, couldn't drive (wasn't able to grasp the concept)...
His own sister, who i remained friends with for years (she liked me) said that relationship they had was more like parent/ child than husband/ wife....and she sees why we had problems...I, like her, don't want a partner who acts like my dad/ boss..

The thing is..if that was what he needed...he found it, and I am glad for him...

I think THIS image sums up what I am trying to don't want...

And here I thought it meant someone giving me their Visa card....

The 55 year old above is a perfect description of exactly what I am NOT. All the women in my circle of friends would run a mile to avoid someone like that! I only hope it is a joke, but unfortunately, I do think it is possibly meant to be serious

I was once told, when I became shop foreman, to lead by example.
Taking Charge of my people meant to show them the behavior needed to get the job done, right and on time.

Different than the intent of this thread but kinda pertinent to any relationship.
I don't really ask anyone to do or behave in a way that I am not prepared to myself.
While I might 'guide' another, I am not actually taking charge of them.
Its always their decision, whether it makes sense to me or not.

The ONLY person I actually have authority over is myself.
My kids are fully grown adults.
My girlfriend is a fully grown adult.

As I interact with her, I am fully aware if she doesn't want to do something, she won't.
Since she also understands that about me, we find authority as a mutual agreement.

I suggest, she suggests.
We agree because we agree.
I try not to just assume anything.

MsHarmony and I have already explained very clearly. I'll repost mine underneath here.
But think about this: If you want an equal partner, how do you think this will be? You staying in masculine energy? Do you think equal means both being and doing the same thing, being the same energetically as well?
I want equal but in the way that complements, meaning I want to be feminine and thus need him to be masculine. Yin & Yang.
Equal where both are masculine energetically is 2 captains on 1 ship: doesn't work, plus, a man isn't looking for another man, not even if that's packaged in a woman's body. A man is attracted to his energetic equal & complement, meaning if he's empowered & masculine, he wants an empowered feminine partner.

In any case, a take charge man is not a man who tells you what to do.
It's weird how people get all defensive about such things. You see the same with men when you talk about empowered women. Then they immediately get scared and think such women will suppress them.
That's not what it's about at all. But as long as you're still having issues around these issues (masculinity & femininity) people apparently project this whenever they get triggered.
A take charge man, an empowered man, would never try to dominate and control his woman. Au contraire, he'd value & respect her, appreciate her opinion, love & support her. He'll want an equal who can stand right beside him.
But NOT a woman who's defensive and fights him because she's projecting issues...


Anywho, the quote of my earlier post which I think was quite clear:

This and yes I do as well.

A take charge man to me is someone who has leadership qualities... takes the initiative to get things done rather than sitting on the fence waiting for things to happen.

In times of crisis or when things are tough going he doesn't turn to putty, he sees what needs to be done and does it. In the case of relationships he becomes the rock that helps hold things together.

I'm usually the one who is the take charge person when things fall apart... in family situations of the past and in work place settings. When it comes to a relationship I want a man who is able to do that. It would be difficult to respect a man if it were only me being the rock that keeps things running smoothly and handling the not so pleasant stuff.

I'm exactly the same, also very good in crisis situations. But in a relationship I want this different too.
And if I lose respect for a guy... end of the journey. Might drag on a while longer, but it does mark the end of the relationship. I need a man, not a wuss.

Exactly... That was part of the problem with my sons's father. He was a decent person and good father, just not a good match for me... his way of life was, "well let's see what happens" rather than "let's get this taken care of". I was the take charge person in that relationship... experience taught me that just doesn't work for me.

Exact same thing with the father of my kids. Taught me that Cancer isn't the right type for me, even though the books say it's a good match for Taurus. But for me they're too soft, not open enough about their emotions, too unwilling to grow and learn, which is what I constantly do.
I also need a man with baws & a backbone. I really need someone I can look up to.

Depends. In a relationship, there should be the same rights and duties for both. But being in charge should not be attached to gender, ie a guy can be in charge of cooking, which originally was a female thing.

Well, SparklingCrystal and RiverSpirit...we all want and need and like different things..

And, that's OK...

What makes you happy, feeds your soul isn't what would make me happy/ feed *my* soul..
And there's nithing wrong with that.

P.S I *do* tend to have more "masculine" energy, as you say...
But then, both of my sucessful long terms were to artsy, sensitive, nature loving guys who didn't give a s*** about looking tough/ typical gender stereotypes.

My late husband took ballet in high school..
Why?
Because he felt it helped him be better on the field..he played football...even got offered a scholarship.
(he eventually lost all interst in sports..for many reasons)

Both him and and the guy before him had been accused of being gay before..because they didn't *act like* "stereotypical" guys..they don't care for sports, hangin' with dudes...being crass and vulgar....etc..

But, to each their own.


P.S...Did you miss my comment about how so many over 50 women don't want to get married again because they had a less than satisfactory marriage, and that colors their percetions of future relationships?
Same with me and my moron, cotrolling ex...

Beats me. It's not clear how you are using terms.
There are many different types of leadership, different situations requiring different qualities that might not require leadership but to an outside observer certain behaviors can seem like "take charge" but they're overlooking the process and the roles the other person or people have contributed.

Are you referring to a guy that "takes charge" because there's a situation where charge needs to be taken?
Or to a guy who just "takes charge" over everything?


In finding someone to be in a relationship with?
The dating process?
The bonding process?
Where in the relationship?
In terms of family and kids?
In general or specific situations?

Are you really asking "are you a leader? What kind of leader or with which, of the up to dozen or so, styles of leadership are you most comfortable? How has that affected or defined your relationships and with whom you've had successful relationships with?" Or something along those lines?

I like what you said here about cancer sign That discibed my. 2nd Ex.

Although, I. don't. believe in a man's. Sign being any match for Me.

A man with backbone works for Me.