@JBH

That wasn't directed to you.

It was just a statement from me. Because my Ex was like that.

You are moving the goalposts.Having a six pack or a big car or any other possession is not who you are.Attraction is in the heart of the beholder but if they are attracted to your possessions it is not you they are attracted to.We all have our flaws and quirky behaviours but that does not necessarily mean we are unlovable.Those who put model like pictures up are entitled to do that if that is what they believe will attract someone (provided it is their own picture) but the physical attraction is an attribute that will fade with time.It is the personal qualities that people possess that make them a suitable partner which is what most of us seek in the long term.The rest is just the icing on the cake.Some people will just want the icing.

I don’t just want the icing"........

I WANT IT ALL

A glutton for punishment ?

YES and right now, I have it all. Just hoping to keep it.

There are many 'types' of relationships we can have with others.
The relationships most here talk about are intimate personal relationships with someone special.
So, in context of this site, this forum, relationship indicates a personal intimate relationship with someone face to face in real time.

Currently, you and I are in a relationship by communicating to each other. That's not the relationship people are talking about when in discussion on a dating site.

This dating site and all other dating sites are tools to allow you to find someone that is favorable for a relationship. "Dating" implies face to face real-time interactions. Face to face, real-time implies that you experience the other person with all of your senses.
You currently can't do that over a TCP/IP connection. Even Skype on a video interaction is not real-time, face to face, all senses relationships.
Those relationships can't be done except in-person.

Without the in-person experience, jealousy over a TCP/IP connection with someone is different than jealousy in person.
Both show a preference for fear of some type but in person, that jealousy has a different validity.

Chances are, jealousy online indicates a propensity for jealousy in-person.
I believe the best practice is to avoid those people entirely.
Choose Wisely...

I don't think I would be jealous if my husband was flirting with another girl, I would be pissed though. we both agree its a form of cheating unless the partner is okay with it. he wouldn't be okay with me flirting with another guy, Girls sure, but like I said he wouldn't be jealous he would be more pissed off that I was doing it.

well now I am totally confused, because there are many aspects of jealousy discussed here and I sort of agree with each person......and all your answers are different. I have felt jealous of my ex-husband flirting with other women because I knew he meant to go further with it. he did, and that's why he's an ex.
I remember in high school being jealous of another girl winning first prize in an art contest when there were three other entries that were definitely better. one of those 3 was mine. So - here I sit debating what jealousy really is,and is it okay if it doesn't lead to arguments or anger or abuse. hmmmmmm.

Most men, Online especially, talk to more than one woman unless they can't get but One to chat with them.

If I know of a couple chatting and then meeting up. I would definitely
Pass up talking to that man myself.

Men go from woman to waman in dating.

Imo

My Woman friend met a man online she got so into him, he moved here from Chicago in with her. She found him still chatting online to women he knew.
She sent him steppen.

He made a commitment to her that ment Really Nothing.

She just told me this story. Yesterday.

Fear of losing the person you love, I guess

Because there are no guarantees.
Past performance does not guarantee future returns, and any change (real or perceived) can be an indicator of potential loss (even of control or the illusion of control) or (opportunity) cost.

Because life is change.
And all change represents either a loss, or necessitating greater effort needed to try and maintain the status quo or achieve a greater return.


Human beings being finite and fallible creatures that interact with the world through their emotions.


Human beings only have less than a handful of actual emotions.
Emotions simply have degrees of severity and they can be mixed together.
Think of DNA. It's only Adenine, Cytosine, Guanine, and Thymine.
Think of how complex you think your life is and what you think you can do. And it's all based on 4 basic compounds.

There are 4 basic tenets to people. Psychological or evolution or whatever.
Fight, flight, food, and fu..ornicating.

Anything that is perceived to be potentially interfering with either the fulfillment, means of fulfillment, or security of continued fulfillment, of the latter 2 will trigger the first 2 to some degree (and as a side, the latter two can be trained to focus on the group more than the individual, iow social upkeep, providing pleasure, as well as passing on genes and basic survival).

Since people have evolved to survive in groups, greater, more complex, more subtle interpretations of the degrees of triggering are necessary.

You ever see the movie "The Matrix?"
People pretty much live their lives in a matrix of their own creation rather than like animals that are directly, immediately, and simply triggered.

So we/people have come up with labels for the subtle interplay of the emotional triggers, calling them feelings.

We have emotions for a reason, we interpret them through feelings to determine or justify what level of behavioral response we will exhibit that protects our interests in a social group environment.

So we do have emotions for a reason.
That doesn't mean we understand the reason, nor does it mean we know how to interpret that reason, or that it's there for one single solitary reason.

Emotions/feelings are multipurpose tools. They can be used to motivate behavior, or validate it.

Can you explain this please?

I dont know if I know enough about 'jealousy' per se, different people mean different things with that word, kind of like people have different ideas of what is harmless 'flirting' or dismissive disrespectfulness.



But I know things make me feel uneasy or cautious, mainly having to do with a CHANGE in behavior or a CHANGE in the attention given to the relationship, absent any other logical reasons like longer work hours or grieving a loss ... et cetera.


Someone else touched on it. I suppose if there is a type of interaction that we share that I felt was special to us, and I see that interaction begin with others, I may stop feeling like it was special between us, or may feel like others were beginning to share in that 'special' space I thought was reserved for just us.

Is it safe to say that people tend to have a certain possessiveness to them.
Mine, mine, mine...

Having the unique perspective of actually having EVERYTHING stripped away from me (including life) I have a unique perspective on jealousy.
To me, everything and I really do mean everything is temporary possession.

Having stripped as many of my delusions from myself as possible I realize that I truly don't own anything.
I can never own another person so jealousy over another person makes no sense anymore.

My present GF (the woman I am currently trying to build a meaningful realationship with) is not ...mine. She is her own person.
She is with me because she wants to be with me.
I am with her because I want to be with her.

Since I don't own her and have no actual say in how she thinks, what she does is not a reflection on me but on her own preferences.
If her preferences no longer align with mine, we part ways, simple as that.

However, because she is her own person, in charge of her own affairs, for me to demand her to so or not do anything is me over-stepping my bounds.
If she has other male friends (she does) and has a special relationship with them (she does) it doesn't mean I should feel threatened.

This understanding took awhile for me to realize.
I was really ate up with jealousy for most of my life and it wasn't just in my love life. I was jealous of anyone that I assigned greater conditions to compared to my own. Jealous of my neighbor, my boss, the CEO of microsoft, the guy driving the better car you name it.

What I figured out is that all that stuff doesn't matter.
Only I live behind my eyes.
It was when I decided to accept myself as I am and not worry about the 'what ifs' in life that I found contentment.

Jealousy is yourself burning yourself up over things that you have no control over.
When you find your placve in your life, jealousy feels very, very little in the big scheme of things.

My last wife used it to control, didn't want me to have a facebook page because she didn't want me chatting with former female classmates. I never flirted or did anything close to make her jealous, but I always got the "you want to f..k her don't you question". Ironic, she was the one that was actually f..king around on me with her now husband. So she f..ked around on her first husband, then me her second husband, so how long you think before she starts f..king around on her third?

your ex wife huh?

this Outlook is very mature Tom like the way you think

but also I believe it's the man's responsibility to instill sense of security and love to where insecurities don't bloom reason they had become such an issue was because of the back and forth inconsistent love and understanding and my husband always wanting to start find run off on me that's why I'd become quite jealous

If I am dating a Man, he better not be complimenting other women, in my presence.

He's History ! .