Was he attractive? Your other comment about you thinking it depends on whether they are attractive I believe can apply to both men and women.

If the man were Tom Selleck... Oooo baby, you can grab more than my cart

But it he looked like an ogre, it might be a little scary?

Joking aside, I do think it has to do with a number of things. For you the grabbing the cart was a little aggressive.

If he had stood back a bit, at a distance more comfortable for you, would you have been more open to his advance?

Cupid's arrow... How about pointing it in my direction

Well I hope it happens for you again Frontrow

Hi cusoon, another man that doesn't mind... cool!

To some, especially in our generation it does matter, or so I thought. According to what I'm hearing from others, is that they've grown past the barbarian days where it has to be the man who approaches the woman first.

Well I don't have a circle, I was the odd child always looking in and trying to find were I fit in the world. And over the last year I pretty much find myself doing it again... the seasonal work and travel is a means to find what fits again.

I don't know what you look like, which is fine, I go mostly by a person's energy and the feeling I get around him. Based on the feeling I get from your profile and what you write in the forums, you're not too happy with the female population and pretty much put us all in the same category.

I might initiate conversation with you, but it would be more out of curiosity as to why you had such a poor attitude towards women than anything else. I would want to show you that not all us are the same as the ones who've hurt you... but I don't have the power to change your mind about that, so I won't.

Hope things turn around for you

Sounds like what's called "impostor syndrome". That doesn't necessarily just happen when someone puts you on a pedestal, YOU may feel that way however. It's a low self-esteem issue. Fearing when someone really likes you they will find out you aren't all that great after all. Low self-esteem.
If someone really puts you on a pedestal and you have healthy self-esteem it doesn't make you insecure, it repels you. I've been there. Very off-putting. Flattering at first but it wears thin real fast.

Good point Crystal, I've been in that position both when my esteem was low and again when it was healthier... I got a very different feeling. Fear of not measuring up came when my esteem was low and a more detached feeling came when my esteem was healthier... for a brief second it was flattering, but it was more of a turn off.

I think the difference between some men like being chased and others are put off by it is whether or not they are empowered. Now I think few are 100% empowered, by which I mean healthy self-esteem, self-love, self-confidence etc., but it's about being empowered enough. Maybe like 70% or more.

Men do have fragile egos and fear rejection, maybe even more so than women. If a man is empowered, he will not let that hold him back. When not all that empowered it will.
There's only 10% of men empowered enough to approach a woman without having gotten a sign from her that she's into him. 10%, not a whole lot.
Meaning that as good as every man needs a sign from a woman first in order for him to dare make a move. And it has to be clear the sign is for him and not a guy standing next to him or behind him. So woman needs to have the guts to give these signals, for instance eye-contact accompanied with a smile, but not fleeting, it has to be long enough for him to understand and know for sure you're addressing him. Briefly looking at someone is okay for most of us, but to hold eye-contact for some 10 seconds is uncomfortable because we all know subconsciously it means something. It says you're being seen, it's deliberate, someone wants something otherwise they wouldn't hold the eye-contact for that long. What they want can be good, but also bad (anger, negativity).
Then the woman has to do that a few times so he's certain she's interested. Some coaches call that "rejection protection": making sure the man knows he's not going to be rejected when he approaches you.

So there's always effort from both involved. It's not like "man chases, woman does nothing" like some make out to believe here.
In that sense if WE would have to chase MEN will have to give us the signals because we don't like rejection either. No one does.
Now I wonder, if men don't have the baws to approach a woman, would they have the baws to smile and hold eye-contact for 10 seconds, and do that several times? I doubt it very much. 10 secs seems like nothing, try it for fun! It's like 10 hours.

Yep, very off-putting. I even think it's part of the reason our marriage went down the drain. He had me on a pedestal so high even our children were beneath that. THAT was not acceptable, and goes so against the grain of my mother instinct that he went down a whole bunch of notches on my respect-O'Meter. Subconscious things btw.

I like to turn the question around a little bit:

Would you as a woman want to be with a man you had to chase?

My answer: Nope. Won't work for me. It feels unnatural, goes against every instinct. I couldn't feel respect for the man, and I need to be able to respect my man.
I think it ties in directly with primal instincts. How can you as a woman feel protected, safe, provided for, if a man didn't even have the baws and masculinity to chase you?

I think maybe it can work if the woman is more in her masculine energy. Then you won't match with a really masculine energy man as that repels as opposed to attract.
But if you're a feminine energy woman, could you be happy with a man whom you had to chase? Would it REALLy feel good to you to chase? Would that make you feel cherished, desired, feminine, safe and so on?

Only my line manager chasing after me, asking me to do extra hours. Bleh

But a nice lady chasing after me for nice stuff? Never happened so far.

I have been pursued a few times by various women when I was younger, and I enjoyed it, even the unwanted ones.

But I think women can be too subtle in their ways, (men are not mind readers); and also give up on their quest too quickly, with no second tries.
I know rejection is painful and disheartening, but don't give up straight away.

Be direct and clear and obvious, and if unsuccessful, try again later (a few days to a few months later). By then the target has had a think about it.

Thanks Crystal really good points! I'll have to try that 10 sec thing... when I meet someone who's willing to try also, haha

Basically the woman is the initiator and it goes from there, both doing their part to ignite and sustain that fire?

I started a "Initiate 101" thread... it can feel awkward if it's not something you're used to doing. At least it does for me.

Yes, same thing with my son's father. He was a very nice man, still is... but kept me on a pedestal and almost in a bubble of protection... it drove me away. And yes, it was more of a subconscious thing.

Many Still do that today !!

But men who are experienced and have Self confidence don't hold onto Old traditional ways to do things like Dating.

No, anytime I've thought about it, it rubbed me the wrong way. I'm okay with initiating, but I want the man to pursue me, I want to feel that he really wants to be with me. When that happens, I naturally show him in return that he really matters.

It seems to be more of a tug of war as to who does the pursuing. I agree about the primal instincts... that's basically why I created this thread. Men say they want women to chase/pursue them, it's our turn... but will they feel differently afterwards... will their primal instincts take over and they lose respect for that woman they innately needed to chase?

I know for me, I'm more like you Crystal... if I had to do the chasing, I would naturally loose interest. Once he sweeps me off my feet, then it becomes more of a mutual thing... naturally!

Yes. :

How do you think you would feel if a woman did chase after you... to date you, not get you to work more?

More direct and clear... that makes sense.

Tom mentioned about the "now a days" thing concerning harassment. Some men will not approach a woman a second time for that reason. It works the same way with women, approaching the man a second time can be risky when it comes to accusations of harassment.

And no offense, but if a man has to have a "think about it" time as to whether he wants to go out with me... Bye bye Charlie, I'm not interested.