I told Kenya what you said. He seemed unhappy, but then I think the reason for his unhappiness might be down to not having a proper walk today, yet.

turn it loose on the hamster wheel and let it wear itself out.

I've heard a lot of people say that they work really a lot and never have time to go out where they might meet someone. It's quicker to create an online profile and be home going through it. It might work for them.

I understand. I also understand that people go to specific events and activities where they hope to meet like minded individuals. I suppose that is the ultimate answer, but I've observed quite a few people are not open to the possibilities around them.

My parents met when they were riding in the same subway car. They were married for almost 60 years before my mom passed. I met Li while I was vending/working at a car show/swap meet. She was helping her cousin. She smiled at me and here we are approaching 7 years together.

I guess my point is that people need to be more aware of the opportunities that can arise anywhere instead of relying on throwing enough crap against the wall and hoping something sticks.

My parents met because they worked in the same factory. They met in the bowling league in the company.

i think the online thing can often create greater divides than bridges.
people think that they'll fulfill all their unrealistic expectaions just because they've checked a few boxes rather than using them as a starting point to find compatibility and willingness to build together.

That could be right, dub.

A year or so ago, there was a woman who regularly rode the same bus as I on certain days of the week. For months we kept checking each other out, neither one making a move. But then when I finally resolved myself to make a move, I stopped seeing her on the bus. My loss, I guess. I'll never know.

But one of the reasons I was interested in her was because she was very obviously different than other women. I could tell things about her personality just by observing her over time -- what she carried, what she wore, how she kept her hair, how she always had headphones....but most importantly, how she would sit near me, every now and then discreetly glancing over.

So I tried something one time because I have wide peripheral vision that allows me see about 200 degrees without turning my head. While listening to my own music, I would tap my fingers to the beat -- not the hand, the individual fingers. Then out of the corner of my eye, I would notice her glance at me. Next thing I knew, she was doing the same thing. That's when I knew for sure that she was checking me out.

I really wish it hadn't taken me so long to work up the nerve. If it had led to something, I have no idea how long it really would have lasted. What I do know from observing is that she possessed a very uncommon depth of personality for this area. Instinct always told me that I had to get to know her for that reason alone.....because I realized just how attractive that quality alone was.

Action, that is a perfect example of what I mean by not seizing the opportunity that presented itself. That was one you were aware of! There are others that lots of people miss because they can't be bothered or are too lost in their own little world.

Because they want it to be true since it's more convenient and less emotionally risky?


If everyone's social skills erode then it doesn't really matter, everyone's on a level playing field and will learn together.
This is only really a "scary" thing or "bad" if it's just creating a greater divide of people, warring or polarized groups.
Those with social skills vs. those without.


I don't know the exact correlation.
I mean it could just as easily be the lack of parenting, having revolving caretakers like t.v., different babysitters, nanny's, teachers and homerooms, a lack of stable culture or identity, parents working all the time, suburbanization, lead to an erosion of social skills.
Then they grew up, and find it's easier to hide a weakness behind the internet and impersonal means of communication.

I don't know if the internet is helping erode social skills, or if social skills have eroded and the internet is just helping people hide that they never developed interpersonal social skills beyond something shallow and temporary.

And of course there could be something else going on entirely.
Maybe they grew up on t.v. and sitcoms so only know how to be a character rather than a person so can't handle any depth. The internet may foster someone maintaining the facade of the character they wish to portray.

Or with a globalized consumerist world there really is no real need for social skills.
People want the benefits of social interaction and being part of a herd/group, without having to commit or be responsible for it.
And people want to shop for what they want.
The internet then doesn't do anything to social skills, people just don't give a crap about them. They're mostly trying to develop negotiating, haggling, and sales pitches to get what they want.
The internet isn't helping erode social skills, they just aren't valued or pursued. Other skills that are more relevant are being pursued and those are supported by the internet.

If this is the case then I'm truly glad I'm closer to the end than the beginning.

Another chance, another way to say "Hello".

Meeting in work is not always good. I met my ex in work. You either bring private issues into work, or vice versa ... not always, but there is a certain danger to do so.

Saying "hello" to someone in the vastness of the internet is often times like trying to be a grain of sand that stands out on the beach. However, I did not say not to use the internet as another tool. It just seems to me that, nowadays, so many people are missing opportunities or moments that are presented throughout the course of every day life.

Well then..using your logic..where are all the guys that should have come up to *me* at the innumerable festivals, jams, book signings, cultural fairs, etc. I have been to?

It's not one-sided....it works *both* ways...
I'm well tired of the responsibility/ blame/ so called "excuses" being *my* fault...
Let someone *else* take the initiative for once..
God knows *I* have several times, to no avail...

No kidding? Really?

This is actually how men like myself feel about dating in general.

Why do so many women always expect the man to make the first move?

I don't care what gender you are -- if you're interested in someone, tell them....somehow....make your interest clear.

The problem is that people are afraid of rejection, so they make excuses.

In the example I shared earlier, it wasn't actually rejection that I was afraid of. There was a substantial age gap. I'm always leery of that.

It took time to convince myself that this woman was an exception to my age rule, and that I was doing a disservice to myself by not approaching her. Anytime the age difference is more than 10 years younger, I hesitate. It doesn't matter if she's 20, 25, 30, or 35. I'm going to hesitate because we really aren't from the same generation. Half of my childhood was the '70s. And much of the '70s had more in common with the '60s than the '80s, which means I tend to relate better with people born between 1965 and 1970. An '80s or '90s child can't relate to that as a general rule.

But sometimes it's better not to expect dating to turn into something long-term. Sometimes it's better to just enjoy the experience knowing it will somehow help you to grow as a person. In the case of the younger woman from my example, that was clearly how I should have been viewing it. I had learned enough from observing to realize that any form of relationship -- even just as friends -- would have enhanced me as a person. That's why I kick myself over the lost opportunity.