Would you be jealous if the person you were dating is texting with other people of the same sex as you?
I have noticed a tendency of jealousy in the guys I dated, when they figured out that I was texting with other guys. To be honest, it surprised me. I couldn’t understand why they were jealous. I mean, if you date someone, that person is still a free person that does what they want. That person shouldn’t defend themselves every time they had a good time with other people than you. Imho.

Some guys that I got to know online started losing control because I didn’t reply fast enough.... That’s something that I consider a red flag. I mean, why should I defend myself if I take half an hour to answer because I have other things to do?

When I talk about other guys to a guy I’m dating, usually he will freak out and get suspicious and ask me all kinds of questions as if it were an investigation. I never understood why.

So, when is jealousy getting unhealthy?

It is unhealthy when the person who is jealous loses the person he is trying to win.

Well worded!

jealousy , like envy is a wasted emotion.

some say jealousy is good, I dont believe that for one minute.

Jealous to the point where it becomes an obsession is more than unhealthy .

and you keep running into men who that jealous then I would reevaluate what it is you're doing attract these types of men

I always seem to run into these types. Time after time. The first days they seem so cool and relaxed and after a few days they get snappy when I don’t respond fast enough, they start stalking,.. and they get mad to the point of wanting to control me. Usually that scares me and because that scares me we end up in arguments and our dating ends. That’s how it usually goes. Usually between getting to know each other and the end of our dating there have been 5 dates and lots of online contact.
I wonder if it is the fact that I show my vulnerability that makes them want to control me.
Sometimes I wonder if I show less emotions if that will keep them calmer.

Jealousy is indeed also unhealthy in my opinion.
It can take on frightening proportions if it gets out of hand.
Like wanting to know every single minute where the person you are dating is,...
I mean, they are still a free person and not a prisoner.

could it be that you are encouraging a jealous response?...

if i were on a date with you and i bring up all these other girls, what message am i giving You?

would you consider yourself immature? or maybe antagonistic?

But that is the thing : it’s just casual dating. And after a few days they are already pretending that I’m theirs, while I’m not. I’m a very open person and very few things are taboo in my text book. So talking about other guys with a guy is not taboo either in my textbook. These guys start stalking me after a few days, giving me orders, freaking out when I don’t reply fast enough and then they act surprised when it comes to arguments and if that means the end of our dating. I mean, we were just dating. It was not a relationship yet. So why should they freak out like that and stalk like that? I mean, it’s not like I owe them anything or they me. We are both free people who are just dating, not giving each other our eternal vows. So yes, I think their reaction is unwarranted. I’m not their propriety, just a date.

Honey if you start texting and receiving text while on a date, that is rude to the extreme. I met a girl and we saw each other a few times, I invited her to my house for the weekend, She spent all day Saturday texting, Saturday night at bedtime I told her I had hurt my back, so we did not have sex, The next morning I took her home and have not talked to her sense. I would not answer the phone when she called, also I would not answer her messages. I truly did like the girl but she blew it.

I totally agree with you that it is rude to text on a date itself but I was texting with other guys after the dates. And the guy I was dating figured it out and freaked out. That happened again with a couple of other guys. I never understood why they freaked out. The phase of dating is not a relationship yet, it’s just that, dating. But they thought I was their propriety already and that I couldn’t text or flirt with other guys anymore because I was dating them already. Do you think their reaction was warranted?

If that's the case , as you say, casual dating then yes , to me that is. I suspect you're picking the wrong guy/s.
In my experience these types do not have any confidence to pursue the conventional relationship that subscribe to the norm.

Imo if you are a social person then a relationship with a jealous person is always unhealthy.

Jealousy is never good.. in any situation.. ever

Jealousy is just not good.. or attractive in a person.. ever

Not really jealous so much as annoyed and frustrated, knowing I'd be dropping them like a bad habit and having to start searching again.


Kinda depends on the conversation.
I know I've been in the middle of a conversation online, and there was immediate back and forth, then all of a sudden no response.
Sometimes they responded after a couple minutes, sometimes hours, sometimes days, couple times I heard from them a month later.
Sometimes I never hear back from them at all.

IMO it depends on the conversation that was going on whether or not you should "defend" yourself.


What else are they supposed to do?
Are they supposed to turn into your girlfriend and coddle you and listen to you and then say something like "wow, that Derek guy sounds hot, yeah, you should definitely call him again!"

Should they just sit there and listen silently to you vent and talk about other guys they're in competition with?

Should they turn into your father and try to be objective and listen and the only thing that ever matters are your feelings?

You want them to get up and leave, silently, after putting money on the table for the bill and a taxi?

You want them to turn into your shrink and adopt a distance, objective viewpoint without any judgments or feelings whatsoever, and when you decide it's time to discuss the two of you he turns his feelings back on?

What reaction, exactly, do you want them to have when you're talking about other guys that you have fun with, flirt with, and date, in direct competition with them?


When it's not expressed at all, and/or leads to unhealthy behavior.
Like when they threaten you, threaten the other guys, steal your stuff, spy on you, and lie about what they're doing.

If I was just dating a man, I wouldn't be jealous of him texting women because I would be texting and taking on the phone to my friend.

Dating for me is Not a serious relationship and no real commitment, so we have no sex . That's just me! Dating is getting to know if the man is a potential
Mate. Imo

When I' m in a committed relationship, I expect the man and mysef to be exclusive. He's Not texting or calling other women.

Online people talk to many people and flirt. Also some are on multiple sites free ones anyway. So it is hard to know when any man is serious about you.

Meeting and dating in person is Best. Someone in your own area.
Imo

This, and ESPECIALLY the bold part.
To be honest I find what you do very immature and very selfish.
It's okay to be casually dating and dating more than one man until you are in what is agreed a relationship. But to then be talking about these other men while on a date with one of them... Bad bad taste and -no offense- sounds like you got a lot to learn. And I don't mean that to belittle you, but genuine, as in not understanding how dynamics work.
At the very least show some respect for the men you're dating and keep the chit-chat about all your dates for the gal-pals if you really must talk about it.
Also heed the Law of Attraction: you create your own reality, always. So that men react that way... well... you don't treat them in a respectful fashion, then you get this chit. Just some awareness, not belittling.
The people you attract and their reactions are a mirror for you (as for everyone else). In that sense dating is like free therapy, your dates reflect what you yourself put out there energetically.

I've never forced a woman to go out with me.
I've never forced a woman to have sex with me (not even my X of 25 years).
If you are with me, you are with me because you want to be with me and I want to be with you.
Your attempt to make me jealous won't work, I'll walk away because it tells me you don't want to be with me. Once I walk away from that type of personality, I don't come back, Period.

I played games like this in high school and college.
Meaningful relationships are not built on games they are built on dedication and commitment. They're probably one of the most important things in life, if not THE most important thing.

Most jealousy roots in fear and deception. Both are negatives.
Honesty and sincerity is valued, they are positives.
You can choose to live in a negative world but I won't want you.
I'm attracted to positive people.

We all have insecurities. Its how you handle them that defines you.
You can embrace the insecurities and try to overcome or you can choose to run away and hide them from yourself.

I suppose you need to be up front with them from the get go that 'this is just a dating phase and we are each free to date others' ...
It is in rather bad taste to discuss your other dates with a date .. is this how they find out you're texting other guys ?
Hopefully you are saving sex for the next phase, which would be 'exclusive'..
How many times do you date each guy before you pick one to be exclusive with?
Their reaction may be due to the vibe you emit.. just sayin

sounds like you've got some stalkers on your hands

if the guy is
displaying stalking type behavior early on, its most likely just going to get worse..control freaks and NP's will usually zoom towards a certain type