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| Topic: How ready are you really for a partner? | |
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Thank you for sharing your wisdom and story, Soufie. Much appreciated! Say hi to Krupa for me :) You guys both rock!  
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To be bluntly honest. I don't think I'll ever truly be ready for a partner. It's been stated before, "that a person needs to truly love themselves before being able to love another."
As a person with a mental illness defect, I find that I can love other people. Being family, friends, or a significant other, not a problem. My problem is that, I can't find a way to love myself. I actually have a complete self loathing of myself majority of the time. (Being in Manic state, doesn't constitute true love or happiness with self.) Add to that, the stigma that comes with a mental illness of any kind. Definitely hinders one's ability to attract a date, let alone a partner. |
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Thank you for sharing your wisdom and story, Soufie. Much appreciated! Say hi to Krupa for me :) You guys both rock!
Thank you! I'm doing quite okay again, thank goodness! And still trying to bear in mind what he once said: "Dating is supposed to be fun!" I never forgot that one. And I know he's right, I now say it to people myself as well, grin, yet each time I think about dating part of me keeps going GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, lol. Gonna read your reply again. Might print it and stick it on the fridge. |
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(Haven't read back.....guess the short answer is "no" by that inaction) I'm sure some very smart people whom I respect have eluded to it not being a choice.
Isn't the cliche that you can be ready and looking, and it never (seems) to come.....and when you least expect it...yada, yada? |
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Not.
Got my mom to look after til her end day. Then I have no idea what will happen. |
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(Haven't read back.....guess the short answer is "no" by that inaction) I'm sure some very smart people whom I respect have eluded to it not being a choice. Isn't the cliche that you can be ready and looking, and it never (seems) to come.....and when you least expect it...yada, yada? If you are looking, you are running everyone by yourself, hoping for some small connection. If you are NOT looking, it takes a HUGE spark to notice someone..this is enough to get your attention. |
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Thank you! I'm doing quite okay again, thank goodness! And still trying to bear in mind what he once said: "Dating is supposed to be fun!" I never forgot that one. And I know he's right, I now say it to people myself as well, grin, yet each time I think about dating part of me keeps going GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, lol. Gonna read your reply again. Might print it and stick it on the fridge. But it would not have hurt so much were you not doing everything right. We simply have no dominion over another's issues. You know it will happen for you again..when YOU are ready. |
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Not. Got my mom to look after til her end day. Then I have no idea what will happen. Fair play to you 
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(Haven't read back.....guess the short answer is "no" by that inaction) I'm sure some very smart people whom I respect have eluded to it not being a choice. Isn't the cliche that you can be ready and looking, and it never (seems) to come.....and when you least expect it...yada, yada? If you are looking, you are running everyone by yourself, hoping for some small connection. If you are NOT looking, it takes a HUGE spark to notice someone..this is enough to get your attention. Bravo! Say Hello to the original Mingletard for me. |
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To be bluntly honest. I don't think I'll ever truly be ready for a partner. It's been stated before, "that a person needs to truly love themselves before being able to love another." As a person with a mental illness defect, I find that I can love other people. Being family, friends, or a significant other, not a problem. My problem is that, I can't find a way to love myself. I actually have a complete self loathing of myself majority of the time. (Being in Manic state, doesn't constitute true love or happiness with self.) Add to that, the stigma that comes with a mental illness of any kind. Definitely hinders one's ability to attract a date, let alone a partner. Loving yourself I think is one of the most difficult things to achieve in life, oddly enough. If you have an extra challenge because of an ailment, albeit physical or mental, it'll be even more difficult. Love yourself as much as you can in any moment. I think that's all you can do.
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Not. Got my mom to look after til her end day. Then I have no idea what will happen.
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(Haven't read back.....guess the short answer is "no" by that inaction) I'm sure some very smart people whom I respect have eluded to it not being a choice. Isn't the cliche that you can be ready and looking, and it never (seems) to come.....and when you least expect it...yada, yada? True. I think that maybe happens because when you're not looking you go to other places? Sometimes I think we narrow things down in our search for a partner, for instance look on dating sites only or in a pub. When we aren't looking we suddenly might go to a museum or art class and meet them right there. |
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Thank you! I'm doing quite okay again, thank goodness! And still trying to bear in mind what he once said: "Dating is supposed to be fun!" I never forgot that one. And I know he's right, I now say it to people myself as well, grin, yet each time I think about dating part of me keeps going GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, lol. Gonna read your reply again. Might print it and stick it on the fridge. But it would not have hurt so much were you not doing everything right. We simply have no dominion over another's issues. You know it will happen for you again..when YOU are ready. Thank you! That last part of you're previous, longer post hit me. This: I would say it is good to do this. What if you got all hot and bothered but then decided you were not ready? Bad, bad news for the guy who thought you had an open and available heart. Treat others as you wish to be treated. Especially that last sentence. It dawned on me that this is what happened to me with my ex. He also decided he wasn't ready, even though it was the best thing that had ever happened to him, leaving me flabbergasted and unbelievably hurt. I indeed wouldn't want to do that to another. It's just not right to get involved when you know in your heart you're not ready. I'm simply going to wait a bit longer. Thank you, love that you are posting so much in this thread. You're wisdom is mucho appreciated!
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Edited by
musiclover871
on
Fri 06/01/18 01:17 PM
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You are absolutely, 100% right! A real relationship is all about the other person, that whole"me, me, me" attitude Is the problem.... I hate to burst everyone's bubble, but everybody want to do a million things in their life, but unfortunately that's NOT reality, find someone with similar interests and be happy being with them and doing whatever you can with them, and be happy with that and stop trying to reach ridiculous goals.....the only "goal" that's supposed to be in a relationship....IS THE RELATIONSHIP....this isn't rocket science people....
This was in response to tom4uhere on page 2 lol |
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many times we just fall for people who don't have the capacity to deal with the love we give.
just clean out your circle, take some time off, set some goals and conquer them. i will be waiting for you when you heal. jaysix06 |
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Am a Young Man From West Africa (The Gambia) Looking for the love of my life,i dont mind how old you are or what rase you are or where you from.All i want is someone to love.
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Just wondering, most everyone on here is looking for a partner. The ones that are... are you really truly ready for a partner?
By which I basically mean that many are looking for a partner because they cannot be by themselves and feel happy and in need of someone else to fill a void. Then you're not really ready. You're needy, lol. Or maybe you don't have time and space right now in your life for a partner. That's how I feel at the moment. So if you're single and looking are you really ready? I came to this because currently at this moment in life I am getting ready again, but not in any hurry because I'm so busy fulfilling my dreams and true passions in life. So yes, I want a partner and a relationship, but I'm not 100% healed yet after my breakup, apart from that I am not only very busy but also get a lot of joy and fulfillment and happiness from what I'm doing, outside of the love arena. This is totally new to me, I've always been more focused on getting a relationship, even when I wasn't needy, it was still kind of like a goal in life. Now, for the first time ever, it seems it is not my main goal. Manifesting my own dreams is. At least at the moment. And it feels odd. Not used to it. I find it confusing. Does it mean I don't want a partner anymore? But that's not true, I DO want a relationship. It's just not my main goal. It's quite the shift for me. Didn't realize that until now. So curious if anyone recognizes this? relatable |
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Im ready
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