Gonna have to say something ...

Separation. Seems to be a burden sometimes, but does a separated guy not deserve a fair chance to prove that he only looks forward?

We have that stupid and ancient law in Ireland, that you have to wait 4 years to get properly divorced

In June it will be two years, that I turfed the Ex out of my house and out of my life. At the moment I am waiting for the judicial separation agreement, but another two years to be properly divorced, I hate this waiting game and I can't do nothing against it. But one thing is for sure, there is no way back for me, I want peace ... and I want to be loved, appreciated and cherished the same way, I would love, appreciate and cherish my future partner.

Rant over, thanks for reading.

I didn’t know that about Scotland. Four years seems harsh. If the person you want to date is aware and okay with dating a man awaiting his divorce, then it’s up to you. Do you have misgivings based on religion or your family objections? Or are you getting the cold shoulder for it when you try to date?

Misgivings? As in the ex in-laws just hated me because I was different, and the ex wife jumping on the bandwagon?

I just hope, the person I want to date, gives me a fair chance, since I feel such a lot for her and she means everything to me.

A while back, a guy was writing to me and said he was separated for 7 years. 7 years!!!? I wondered why not get a divorce. He didn't have a good answer.

The simple answer is, you are still married.
It is a legitimate red flag anywhere.

It stinks that her family didn’t like you. But what I meant was, are you hesitant to start dating while you wait for your divorce? Lol! It sounds like you’ve already met someone, so I think I know the answer. If she loves you, she will wait.

I have found that people are very preoccupied with labels. Some to more of an extent than others. The only one I care about is MARRIED. Anyone not MARRIED has potential to be living their own life and available.

There is not much to do about it. Sometimes people will wait for the details and sometimes the title is all they need. I have known people to divorce but share the same home for financial reasons. I have known people who went separate ways but never invested the necessary time and money into making it 'official' because it wasnt a priority to do so.

I had split from my first husband and not divorced until some ten years later 'cause I just had better things to use my time and money on. We lived in separate homes with separate lives. I split from my second now another ten years, but yet to be divorced for the same reason. Details matter, but not to everyone.

This ^^^

A single person isn't obligated to give a separated person "a chance".

People may have different reasons for separations, but seems the law is still the main cause to not get divorced.
See .. I'm separated for 15 years by now. We've been living in different cities with my ex since we split. We didn't have any nasty fights or whatsoever .. we just grew apart by the time and split peacefully. We're still good friends, and agreed that if the other party will find someone some day, there will be no obstacles from both sides.
Why not divorced? I sold my farm, which belonged to my ancestors and moved to another town. Bought a house. She has nothing to do with this .. she has already a condo, which I bought for us .. the money was all mine.
Now .. the law says, if you want to divorce, you must pay to your ex half a price of everything you have, because your property belongs to her too by the law.
I don't have such a fortune to buy myself a legal freedom at the moment. The house must be sold, but then it means I'd have no home to live .. no place to go .. tough choice isn't it?
So please don't judge those guys, who are separated and not divorced .. life is not just black and white, girls

Thanks MrBee. I still don't want to get involved with someone who is married.

Couples should have to wait 4yrs for a divorce in the US. Unless there is physical abuse.

People don't take marriage vows serious enough for 3 decades now.
I agree with a legal separation agreement until the divorce.

Divorce is rising. Then one looks for another mate to please themself.

Imo

I put no separated men on my profile and they still contact me!!

Good. Choice!

Couples should wait 4 years before getting married.
That would save the divorce to just breaking up.

My ex had 'seperated' on all his things when we were still very married. So I decided to make it true so he would have to keep lying.

They should! I urge all new engaged couples (especially the young ones) to do premarital counseling. I wish I had known about it before I got married

Marriage should be a 10 year contract that auto renews unless someone objects. US marriage and divorce laws are nothing but a ripoff!!

I separated from my X in mid-1999. By mid-2000 we were divorced. It took right at a year. Give or take a little. I don't know about anyone else. But for me, I was willing to give her almost anything she wanted just to get rid of her and out of my life. I saw it as the only way to move forward. The only way I could be free.

Me personally, I've turned down several women because they were only separated. Most of the ones I've turned down had been separated a year or more. And still no divorce. Now, I can understand some men and their way of thinking. Since the law favor's the woman, (At least it seems to here in GA.) it's usually the man that get's taken to the cleaners and loses everything.

I have to admit, when it's a woman that's been separated for a year or more and no divorce, I do get suspicious. I wonder why? What's she holding on too? I'm sure a lot of women think the same thing about a man. Now, the way things are, if a woman really wants a divorce, she can get it. Even when a man can't. At least that's the way it seems sometimes.

For me, nothing monetary was worth delaying being rid of her. Me, if I had to do it, I would have lived in the woods in a tent if that was what it took to get her out of my life.

It took about a year for me to divorce. We didn't lawyer up and did it all on our own which is a mountain of paperwork. I felt like I was divorced as soon as I moved out and we had a good parenting plan from the start so there didn't feel like there was a need to rush. I dated some while separated, some people will and some won't. But one thing I can guarantee, if you're separated and still live with your ex, you ain't dating nobody.

Dunno if she loves me, since she always said, she won't date a separated guy. But she also knows, I have strong feelings for her. So only time will tell. But if there was love on both sides one day, I would be the happiest person on Earth

I was in separated status for about a half a year before we divorced.
That half year, I knew and felt like I was divorced.

There are some really good responses in this thread.

Since I am not looking to remarry, a woman that is separated and living in a different city with no personal contact with her X is divorced as far as I'm concerned.

I am very wary of a profile that says "Separated" but I don't automatically rule them out because of their status.
The proving is in the details.
What turns me off is if they are still in contact with their X.
At my age and my age preferences little children are not likely.
I have grown children. They have contact with their mother but she and I never intersect.
I expect the same from any potential matches that are listed as separated.
Additionally, the duration of the separation is significant.
Less than one year is a huge no-no for me. Even if they are not in contact.
Anything over 3 years with no contact is viable, regardless of family interactions or children's age.

There are many reasons why someone might not get a divorce legally.
The validation is the love they hold onto in their heart.
Everyone goes thru the stages of grief after a separation.
Some take little time to move on, some take a lot of time to let go.
Its the capacity to love that means the most.

The same goes for widows.
I will not compete with an X or a dead husband for dedication.
If she is going to love me, she needs to love me with ALL her heart.