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| Topic: Separation | |
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Edited by
msharmony
on
Mon 04/30/18 01:27 AM
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I think it is often just how people view the 'documents' involved in a relationship.
some can stay committed for years and not be in a rush to get the legal process/status/documents of a 'marriage' if they feel like getting it at all similarly, some can go separate ways and not be in a rush to get the legal process/status/documents of a 'divorce' if they feel like getting one at all its just how people view the legally documented verses the real time details ... but all comes back to perception and priority... |
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Separation I would never date someone 'separated' because I have seen where people I know have separated, and after living fancy free and dating others for a time, only to get back together again. It cannot have been good for the people they were dating to see them go back to their spouse. I would not want that happening to me, so my dates need to be single or divorced, and free to marry if that is what we both wanted. |
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Separation I would never date someone 'separated' because I have seen where people I know have separated, and after living fancy free and dating others for a time, only to get back together again. It cannot have been good for the people they were dating to see them go back to their spouse. I would not want that happening to me, so my dates need to be single or divorced, and free to marry if that is what we both wanted. I can see the wisdom in that. I've also seen it happen with others. I have yet to actually date a woman that is separated. I do know I am wary of them exactly for that reason. |
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I think it is often just how people view the 'documents' involved in a relationship. some can stay committed for years and not be in a rush to get the legal process/status/documents of a 'marriage' if they feel like getting it at all similarly, some can go separate ways and not be in a rush to get the legal process/status/documents of a 'divorce' if they feel like getting one at all its just how people view the legally documented verses the real time details ... but all comes back to perception and priority... I have yet to date anyone that is legally inclined. Legality is pretty far down on my list of priority concerning viable matches. But, then again, I'm not interested in marriage in the legal sense. My quest is for the person, not the conditions. |
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Edited by
Duttoneer
on
Mon 04/30/18 03:50 AM
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I've been reading through this topic and need to say something re 'separated'. My divorce is finally through after 3 yrs so think I'm qualified to comment 
I'd been legally separated and in legal terms in Scotland that means we have gone our separate ways, we have no claim on each other, if either one us died the other couldn't claim any assets so we were definitely separated and living apart. Divorce proceedings here can't start until at least one year after separating (2 yrs if it's contested by the other party). It took 3 yrs after this separation for the divorce to be finalised but every divorce is different. Some may have children involved and some have assets which need to be split (as in my case) so even though divorce proceedings had started I was still only 'separated' and living in limbo. I chose to date during this period and told the guys I dated about my situation. None had any problem with it I have to say. I never thought that my divorce would take so long but sadly it did. The other thing to mention is, when filling out your profile it states single, married, widowed or divorced. Maybe there should be an option that states 'Separated but with divorce proceedings ongoing' so that potential suitors could determine if they wanted to date you 
Your Mingle2 profile does give you the options of 'Separated' and 'No Answer' as well, and you could always add text in your profile with more details of your 'Separation' status.  I have seen profiles where members have done this.
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Edited by
Duttoneer
on
Mon 04/30/18 03:49 AM
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I've been reading through this topic and need to say something re 'separated'. My divorce is finally through after 3 yrs so think I'm qualified to comment
I'd been legally separated and in legal terms in Scotland that means we have gone our separate ways, we have no claim on each other, if either one us died the other couldn't claim any assets so we were definitely separated and living apart. Divorce proceedings here can't start until at least one year after separating (2 yrs if it's contested by the other party). It took 3 yrs after this separation for the divorce to be finalised but every divorce is different. Some may have children involved and some have assets which need to be split (as in my case) so even though divorce proceedings had started I was still only 'separated' and living in limbo. I chose to date during this period and told the guys I dated about my situation. None had any problem with it I have to say. I never thought that my divorce would take so long but sadly it did. The other thing to mention is, when filling out your profile it states single, married, widowed or divorced. Maybe there should be an option that states 'Separated but with divorce proceedings ongoing' so that potential suitors could determine if they wanted to date you
Your Mingle2 profile does give you the options of 'Separated' and 'No Answer' as well, and you could always add text in your profile with more details of your 'Separation' status. I have seen profiles where members have done this.
Sorry. Double post. |
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Ireland has many stupid laws I think they are trying to catch up with the rest of the world but this will take a long time. The church still has a hold on things. And as you know the church is very powerful
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Couples should wait 4 years before getting married. That would save the divorce to just breaking up. 
They should! I urge all new engaged couples (especially the young ones) to do premarital counseling. I wish I had known about it before I got married Marriage counseling does not always work. People change over time. And sometimes that change is not always a good thing. And it is possible the two are no longer compatable. Imo. |
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Anybody and everybody deserves to be given the chance to prove something whatever situation they are in. The only problem would be if it’s necessary and worth it. I for one wont try to prove myself as a good person coz I feel that if another person thinks im not, it doesn’t matter anymore. Now with regards to separated men and laws id rather not comment lol
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one just doesn't know till they get to know the person
anyone who has been in other relationship before you meet, regardless of status, could go back to an ex. anyone can get a marriage certificate at some point and leave at some later point.I think there is a bit of difference between someone who is clearly involved with someone else, papers or not and someone who is obviously living alone, paying their own way in life, and has no ring or ring tan on their finger, papers or not. |
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one just doesn't know till they get to know the person anyone who has been in other relationship before you meet, regardless of status, could go back to an ex. anyone can get a marriage certificate at some point and leave at some later point.I think there is a bit of difference between someone who is clearly involved with someone else, papers or not and someone who is obviously living alone, paying their own way in life, and has no ring or ring tan on their finger, papers or not. 
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There was a guy here in Mingle some time ago when a similar topic was being discussed, and he raised another issue of being 'separated'. He said after he and his wife went their separate ways they remained 'separated', but a few years later he met someone else that became a serious relationship, so he tried to obtain a divorce but his wife had left the state, and he had no idea where she was. He said he couldn't marry again because he couldn't obtain a divorce, since it's very difficult to trace people in the US. |
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i take it this way especially when it comes to the long term separations. you are not that serious about having the ending.
so i won't be serious about making a begining |
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There was a guy here in Mingle some time ago when a similar topic was being discussed, and he raised another issue of being 'separated'. He said after he and his wife went their separate ways they remained 'separated', but a few years later he met someone else that became a serious relationship, so he tried to obtain a divorce but his wife had left the state, and he had no idea where she was. He said he couldn't marry again because he couldn't obtain a divorce, since it's very difficult to trace people in the US. I can relate. when my spouse and I parted ways he moved with no forwarding address and address information. both marriage and divorce take an investment of time and money, which may be more important to some than others in determining someones feelings or intentions. Once I became a single mother, with an 'husband' who was intentionally elusive, investing the time and money on lawyers, searching for him in another country, and getting him to 'sign' the papers was more headache than it was worth, even to make some potential person feel more secure about how seriously over we were. I certainly had a whole list of things that time and money were better spent on. |
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Thanks MrBee. I still don't want to get involved with someone who is married. Same here |
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Edited by
SA_Lady67
on
Mon 04/30/18 12:27 PM
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**double post error
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I date no married/separated men.
Even widower men can be a problem. I have a friend now who Just wants an activity partner no sexual connect. That's great cause if you not over your spouse, then that wouldn't work for me anyway. |
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Thanks MrBee. I still don't want to get involved with someone who is married. Same here With all my respect .. it's your choice of course, ladies .. but it might also become your problem .. life's too short for playing those waiting and searching games .. your best days may become over some day .. cos the clock keeps ticking .. Also, if you keep looking for divorced and widowed men .. or not ever married, your chances to find someone are half the size, if you've decided to cut off all the separated guys. So, if you're still interested in getting the best results in your search, compromises should be considered, imho. |
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Edited by
SA_Lady67
on
Mon 04/30/18 01:07 PM
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I can compromise, but not in that way. Separated is legally still married. And sometimes someone who is separated ends up getting back together with their spouse.
I understand some reasons for still being separated & not yet divorced. Things happen. But dating someone who's still married isn't for me. |
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if you not over your spouse, then that wouldn't work
I've met a lot of men and women that are divorced and still not over their spouse. It may not even be lasting love. Some are so resentful and filled with so much anger it impacts any new relationships they might have. Constantly comparing an old mate with the new one is not fair to the relationship, no matter the reason for the end. Its very difficult competing with a ghost that is demonized or romanticized in someones heart and mind. Been There/Done That = Not Interested in a repeat. |
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