hello

i,m esas and im a submissive man who seeking for a sub/dom relationship but i dont know why a lot of people have a negative thought about such a relationship ?

well, basically because they don't like being slapped around.

greeneyes, he said he's submissive, so I'm thinking he wants to be slapped around

I wouldn't use the category headings of "weird" versus "normal" for this. "Normal" in particular means something like "common" or "just like the majority of most people," and the dom/sub scenario is most assuredly not common to the majority of relationships. As for "weird," that's a pejorative term for most people, and I don't generally approve of insulting people, especially if I don't know any of them personally.

As to your question why so many people seem to have "negative thoughts" about your dom/sub concepts, that, I think, is answered by the above (the fact that it is NOT the way most people conduct their lives), and by the way that most people who talk about dom/sub stuff, do it in a way that makes it all very subject/object, and seems to take all of the personal affection and love out of the equation.

In that last way, it's the same reason why most people are put off by someone who proclaims that they are looking for a mate who will be exactly like a famous sitcom coupld on TV, or will be just like their mom and dad were. When the STRUCTURE of the relationship is the target, and not the PERSON, it's off-putting.

Okay, that was a little negative...well alot! Sorry OP, and thanks Igor!

And yes, sub/dom relationships are often seen as negative because in a lot of places, particularly the US, they are seen as abusive type relationships where the man dominates the woman in a way that is controlling and demeaning, or vise versa if the woman is the dominate one.

It all depends on what one's interpretation of what a sub/dom relationship means to them. For me, it means a relationship that isn't based on partnership.

I get you mate, I love being in the naughty corner

It's the same 3 criteria in so many subjects. (Not that this one is common ) but we all know the "reoccurring" ones.

-Consenting
-Adults
-Doing no harm

I guess "harm" can be subjective.
Don't kill each other or bother anyone else. I have no judgment.

I've said it before, and will say it again:
A D/s relationship requires far more trust and respect than a 'normal' relationship and has nothing whatsoever to do with abuse.
A shame so many just don't get that, mostly because they don't know anything about it and don't take the time to get informed before they pass judgement.

The comment "don't like to be slapped around" is so disrespectful. If you don't understand then best not comment. You have no idea how demeaning a statement like that is.

I'd use the synonym "abnormal" rather than weird, to be pedantic.


Lots of reasons, depending on the person and context it's being brought up.
Such as:
- it's relegated to the sexual kink category in general. If you're on a dating website and your primary focus is a relationship that is based on something people see as sexual in nature, then that's simply the equivalent of asking to have sex with them. Only after one thing, all you think or care about is something sexual.

- Lots of people just want what they want. Anything offering or asking anything other than what they want is seen and treated more like a telemarketer. Telemarketer calls and offers a product, they then have a negative view of that product. In this case, a sub/dom relationship. "I don't want that, you're wasting my time and interfering with my life offering me something I don't want!" therefore "that" is "bad."

- Some people have experience with sub/dom relationships. And they turned out horribly.

- Identity is highly influenced and defined by the groups people belong to.
They might not even realize it. Groups have inherent rules and tolerances and beliefs ingrained and validated by continual participation in the group. If you represent a different group you can be seen as a threat to theirs, or their identity, they have to judge your group and you as a means upholding their own group/self identity.
"My group is the good and right group, we do the good and right things, our way is the way things 'should' be. If you're doing it a different way and I think your way is good, then why am I in my group? Who am I? If your way is good, then my way may be bad, people may leave my group for yours offering me less protection and support, better to call yours bad and keep the status quo."

- Their only exposure or understanding of a sub/dom relationship may be shaped by media, misunderstanding, predators masquerading under the guise of "dom's" or "subs," or may not be based on anything realistic.

- They may simply have negative views of all relationships.

- They filter the logistics and processes and emotions and responsibilities of that type of relationship through the bias of their personal experience and figure out it would be bad for them.

- They're having a bad day, want to take it out on you/someone, and that is the focal point that makes it most easy to justify their pecking order behavior.

- They've put extensive time into looking into the relationship type, talking to people that have lived in that relationship, read the articles, the studies, and figured out that it's not a good relationship for people so much as potentially worse than the alternative.


People can have a negative view about such a relationship for all sorts of reasons.

stereotyping, generally

what alot of people picture when they hear 'dom' is abuse,, unfortunately

in a highly ego centric, self first , culture,, to 'submit' is also seen as a negative thing by many


I think it's a beautiful thing for one person to have someone trustworthy enough to take the lead in a relationship,,,,but the 'worthy' part means something different to each sub,,,,

I like the way you put this msharmony and I agree!

My initial reaction and comment was a typical stereotyping response triggered by personal experience and seeing dominance as a form of abuse.

When I take my own bias out of the equation and look at it objectively, I can see below the surface and understand more about this type of relationship and the positive aspects as well. Thanks!

I suppose I am guilty of blurring the lines between D/S and S&M as Crystal and Ms have indicated.

My first "stereotypical" image is that of dog collars and someone crawling.

I also think of archaic/antiquated gender roles. (MY misunderstanding of this subject)

(Repeat "Opinion"): I have no problem submitting and saying, "YOU are much more capable than I right now. Take over."


As a one-way sustained lifestyle, it's not MY thing, but.. (so cliche').."Whatever floats your boat."

^ i like that..
Good morning..

It's a lot more frequent than most assume so I wouldn't call it weird. It's not my bag personally but to each their own.

And yes, most people are only familiar with the real extreme stuff. A crying shame because that's what will stick and they'll never learn what it's really like and about.

Many aren't strictly S&M, most who are into S&M are also D/s.
S&M requires even more respect and trust between the two partners because the risk can be higher. It's not about beating someone up.
Mostly a masochist needs pain to process emotions, to find inner peace and quiet.
For a sadist it's not all that different. It's not about beating the living daylights out of someone for the heck of it. It's all very respectful, both giving and taking what they need to feel happy.
Also, being a sadist, or not necessarily being one but still wielding a flogger or a whip or spanking the sub/masochist, requires great skill so you don't hurt the sub/masochist. And a lot of knowledge of where to hit and where not. For instance the vertebrae and kidneys are always off-limits. Too dangerous.
You have to know how to use items so you don't do damage. Mostly Tops use items on themselves so they know what it feels like, what the impact is and so on.

Both parties will get an increase of endorphins and whatnot so they get 'high': subspace and Topspace.
The sub/masochist can completely let go and thus find inner tranquility.
The Top gets a similar thing by focusing solely on their sub/masochist.
It's the most beautiful synergy of give and take in utter respect, trust and oftentimes love. (there's always love, but I mean oftentimes also romantic love)
Most subs would choose their Top over a partner (if their Top isn't their partner of course), not because they're dependent, but because the bond between Top and sub is that deep.
You trust each other mind body and soul. Some say that of their regular partner, but who has ever been in a situation with their vanilla partner where they truly had to surrender their body, mind and soul? Hardly anyone...
A D/s really is much deeper, because of what's involved.

I think to both myself AND Pisces.

I think we were saying (almost) the same thing

..at the same exact minute.

Haha...GYNX!

Because people who have no knowledge or experience in this kind of relationship tend to see stereotypes created by media. If someone talks about sub/dom relationship the first thing what comes to people's mind is sexual relationship with all those attributes they have seen in movies.

As Chrystal said, this kind of relationship demands great amount of trust and responsibility. Giving away control over yourself or taking control over someone else. This is also give and receive relationship and unlike most of relationships it can work only if both parts are willing to contribute equally.

GYNX??? Who? Me? I don't think so...actually, it's good luck..!!! Always! Haha..

YW

A sadist and a masochist get together.
The "perfect" relationship, right?

The masochist says, "Ok, now HURT ME!"

The sadist says, "Hahaha..........

NO!"