And yes, most people are only familiar with the real extreme stuff. A crying shame because that's what will stick and they'll never learn what it's really like and about.

Many aren't strictly S&M, most who are into S&M are also D/s.
S&M requires even more respect and trust between the two partners because the risk can be higher. It's not about beating someone up.
Mostly a masochist needs pain to process emotions, to find inner peace and quiet.
For a sadist it's not all that different. It's not about beating the living daylights out of someone for the heck of it. It's all very respectful, both giving and taking what they need to feel happy.
Also, being a sadist, or not necessarily being one but still wielding a flogger or a whip or spanking the sub/masochist, requires great skill so you don't hurt the sub/masochist. And a lot of knowledge of where to hit and where not. For instance the vertebrae and kidneys are always off-limits. Too dangerous.
You have to know how to use items so you don't do damage. Mostly Tops use items on themselves so they know what it feels like, what the impact is and so on.

Both parties will get an increase of endorphins and whatnot so they get 'high': subspace and Topspace.
The sub/masochist can completely let go and thus find inner tranquility.
The Top gets a similar thing by focusing solely on their sub/masochist.
It's the most beautiful synergy of give and take in utter respect, trust and oftentimes love. (there's always love, but I mean oftentimes also romantic love)
Most subs would choose their Top over a partner (if their Top isn't their partner of course), not because they're dependent, but because the bond between Top and sub is that deep.
You trust each other mind body and soul. Some say that of their regular partner, but who has ever been in a situation with their vanilla partner where they truly had to surrender their body, mind and soul? Hardly anyone...
A D/s really is much deeper, because of what's involved.

Wow Crystal, that is interesting. And you are right, I would never have seen past the extreme stuff to learn what this is really about. Which is a surprise to me because I usually am open-minded enough to look more deeply into other subjects and ways of life, but not so with this, until now.

Thanks, having a deeper understanding definitely helps.

You're most welcome! If I can help raise more understanding for BDSM, even if it's just one person, I'm happy :D

As for the rest, I know I cannot flog my book here -pun intended- but read it and find out how deep it is, how much love is involved.
In my books (I got 4, first one is out) I also try to raise understanding of what it's all about as I feel that is vitally important. So while keeping things juicy I make an effort to give real insight in the mind and emotions of both sub and Top.