have you noticed the negativity?

the repetition?

the griping? complaining? the selfish wish list of needs?





ever wonder where the happy people go?




does being on a dating site for years have an affect on you?

ive just been here 4 months and it already feels like eternity

It is a microcosm of a bigger picture.
Those who are negative, even melancholic,
have a big venue for spreading their misery.

Those who are happy can wander in and out
without much harm.

People are happiest with other people.
"I love to laugh, I love my family and friends, my children are my world."

People are happiest in relationships.

But they have to be face to face.

Online does not provide the facial expressions, the body language, the socially reassuring touches, that are necessary.

Tell someone you're pregnant and what do you get? Happy facial expressions, hugs, sometimes frenetic gestures, and they try to touch your belly.

Joy and happiness almost universally compels people to reach out and touch others.

What happens when you're with people and they start to laugh?
It's "infectious," you tend to start to laugh or at the very least are compelled to start smiling.
You can't really be infected with laughter if you're quarantined in front of a screen.

People get their cues how to behave from others.

Online there aren't really any prompting cues, only responses.

When someone doesn't know how to respond they feel anxious and out of place, or they don't really feel anything and just keep trying to dig for cues on how they should act and feel.

So, where do the happy people go?
Everyone is a potential happy person.
You just have to be physically around them in order to communicate and generate happiness.


Yes.
IMO dating sites are the McDonald's of social interaction.
Best used as a guilty pleasure or occasional thing, but not a good source of actual nutrition or for a steady diet.

Some people are different though.
Some can eat nothing but chicken McNuggets for 15 years and have nothing wrong with them (until they die the 16th year).
Others can eat 1 big mac and it causes a heart attack.

But it's never going to be good for you. At best, it's less bad than eating nothing at all or eating something even more unhealthy.

yes

yes

yes

yes


yes

Oh No!

But then I think and thinking is good
Now all I need is someone who I think, thinks good too.
Along with most other things on my wish list

Agree with this...

Don't forget there's a helluva lot of miserable people out there who don't know how to improve their happiness and quality of life on their own. I think for many it's more than 'not knowing', closer to 'can't be @r$ed' or 'lack the backbone', cos it would mean facing their own shortcomings ..

Happy people find a partner and then usually bugger off...
But I'm still here! That must offer some comfort?

mmmmm...some very valid points made

think there is truth in the fact that in real life

when you come in contact with a negative person

you definitely have the choice to walk away

To give a somewhat more in depth answer...

If dating sites -and being unsuccessful- destroys your joy, it's time to look in the mirror and start asking questions about yourself, your life, how you go about the dating thing etc etc.
That's why I started the topic "Do you work on learning and growing through the dating process?"
(Not the exact title, cannot remember that).

The few answers that topic got made clear that most people either
- don't understand that they themselves will have to learn and grow and develop as individuals before they can make good partners, and thus attract good partners.

- OR they simply don't give a toss. "I am who I am, put up with it"
Unfortunately that attitude won't get you very far... No one is looking for a partner who's stuck in their ways, rigid, and unwilling to compromise and adept if need be. Meaning the other will have to do all the compromising.

If you're not willing to be a good partner, and learn how to become one, you can not expect to attract a great partner. Doesn't work that way. Law of Attraction... You get what you exude.
Basically the type of partners / dates you attract, mirror what YOU yourself are and put out in the world.
If more people would use that knowledge to reflect and change, less people would have problems in the dating scene.
All quite self-explanatory really ...

I love this site and every one on it.

It takes time you know?

In the beginning (the early 1990s) I felt pretty hopeless. In the decade that fallowed I found myself losing what little hope I had left and now I know without a doubt that a snow ball has a better chance in hell then I so dating.

I guess I'm one of the happy ones...luv' to wander "in and out" with you lovely Cougars.

Ok now there...let's all give each other a group hug...& no asss grabbing

Been here since Dec 07 and no. I view it as nothing more than any other avenue of meeting people....online or IRL. Negative people are negative IRL too

Topic: are dating sites destroying your joy?

Of course not. The people on this site are doing the Happy Happy Joy Joy dance.

Nope...
I have been here off and on for years I enjoy the social aspect of the site. I believe negativity begats negativity it is totally up to me if I am affected by it. I chose not to be.

I have some wonderful friendships I wouldnt have with out this site, plus I met Pancho here

And when we can't walk away we need to repetitively remind ourselves we can choose how much weight we give to an others negativity and when that doesn't work to balance our own negativity.

I had my share of sites during the years the free sites are now being taken over by trolls, sex workers, scammers,and people only looking for sex with no form of commitment. They are only for themselves they read your profile and don't respect what you are seeking or looking for.

use to ...not anymore... I like this site for all it offers and that is not all for dating ... other opinions are good to hear ... the forums ... makes it good ... and lots of options ... have not found another like it anymore ...