I was dating this girl (a few years back). We had just left the stadium after watching the Braves win, and on the drive home we had these few minutes where we didn't say anything to one another. When we got home we both commented on how it didn't feel weird that we had had that comfortable silence. It wasn't that we didn't want to speak to one another. We were both just lost in our own thoughts. We didn't try to start up nervous conversation, where we might have thought that we needed to say something. We just had those moments where saying nothing really said a lot about the kind of relationship we had.

I have always felt that when you are dating or are married to someone and the two of you can have those "comfortable silence" moments then you have something special. Maybe you just want to bask in thinking about having a great day together. Maybe you look at that person while eating dinner and you are thankful that you are involved with that person. The point is sometimes saying nothing in these moments of comfortable silence can and does say something positive about what you have with that person. Do you agree with that? Or does that kind of silence bother you?

Silence speaks louder than words....Yeah It Does Most of the Times...Only if your partner is sensitive enough to feel it

I agree Goofball :)
So tiring to have to listen and or talk all the time! There is a lot to be said for peace & quiet..just listening to music on your drive back..
I don't feel the need for speech if there is silence... that being said, I always have music on..

He only ever stopped talking, whenever we went in the back yard for a smoke. . Then he'd start up again. I'd think to myself "Mr Opinionated is back". He loved the sound of his own voice. Mind you, he was quite a character. It was difficult to get him to stop talking. I used to jokingly cover his mouth with one of my hands. Then he'd say "I know you still love me". .

This is a great topic Goof.

I LOVE comfortable silences .

My only concern is that I think men generally need a lot more of it than women do.

So a woman could end up feeling dismissed if there are legitimate issues she wants to discuss , and the man is craving a comfortable silence in that moment.

In a situation like that, it might be better if the woman just exits the room, and allow him to enjoy that comfortable silence by himself, which I am sure he would appreciate.

On a different note, I also appreciate a man who can just kick back and relax with me doing something non-sexual from time to time.

Whether it be talking, just lying together , nature watching, or taking a cool stroll or drive.

I generally find if men aren't having sex with their mate or doing some other high impact activity with their mate, they get quite irritable and unpleasant to be around

IMO when you then talk about it, it means someone is lying.
When things don't feel weird, you tend to not notice them, and it's just feels normal.

When someone brings up "that silence didn't feel weird!" it means something about the silence did feel weird, so they have to talk about it.

At best at least one of you idealize the concept of wanting silence to not feel weird because you want it to mean there's a bond, that there's some security in a relationship.


You just waited until afterwards.


...But you did feel you needed to say something.
That's why the topic came up.


IMO only when you don't then talk about them because it doesn't occur to you to talk about them.


Not when you then talk about it.


Not really, since most communication doesn't come out of the mouth.

Sure sure comfortable silence..
Then she would let one rip and start laughing hilariously..

So much for the comfortable silence..lol

Ok.. to be perfectly honest I would let one rip and start laughing hilariously not her..lol..

They smell so deaf ppl can enjoy them too .

Those moments are treasured.

Yes I am a talker but I do love these moments where you can relax and just enjoy their company without saying a word.

Thanks, Goof. Until this article I thought I am wierd but ok with it. I value space with my thoughts so much. I call it having a private meeting with me. Not many people understand this need for quietness, in a company. I get into trouble with family and friends....while driving, relaxing, at dinner etc.

This reminds me of this one time my ex and I were watching a movie on TV. It was all silent....we were both into the movie...and then it happened.....

See, the day before I was trying to think of the actor who had played Ivan Drago. I couldn't think of the name, and this was during a time when you couldn't just google it, lol.

Ok, so back to the movie. So we are sitting there....comfortable silence and all...enjoying the film....and then I blurt out (like I had turrets) "Dolph Lundgren". My wife spits out her drink and just looks at me like "WTF???".

hahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
(!! You always spill it to us in the end :-)

I will tell you, if there is ever uncomfortable silence
between me and someone else, only they are feeling it.

Agree. When silence is comfy, you know things are right. It's only awkward when you are not totally at ease around someone.

Silence means peace in the home and love in the hearts.

I like your posts most of the time Tom.

You tend to talk a lot of sense.

On the odd occasion I think you talk a load of rubbish, this is one of them.


Just because two people talk about how nice their relationship is doesn't mean there's something wrong.

To me it just means they are talking about the strength of their relationship and what makes it strong and why they are comfortable with each other.

Joe, are you saying that SirTom is full of shyte?


... but... but I agree with SirTom. Does it mean I'm also full of shyte?
I'm not, I swear I'm regular as clockwork.

Great topic Goof


People that know me, know I am a chatterbox.. and yet that comfortable silence is vital to me in a relationship..

It can last moments or hours... Sometimes the special feeling invoked from a cozy afternoon where you are both in the same room reading or whatever.. No words need be spoken...

Like I said it is a must for me.

I agree 100% percent, it means you are comfortable with the other person.

Couldn't agree with you more, Joe! Esp concerning Tom's first section.
When two ppl talk about such things, they are aware of what is going on between them as opposed to living with their head up your @$$.
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