I think it depends. Are you asking questions? Sometimes I've found that emails will go back and forth but then the guy just answers but doesn't really ask or say anything where I can comment on, so the exchange of emails ends. Besides, I think after a few emails I'd rather go to the phone anyway.

Oh no, I'm doing everything in my power to keep the conversation going, be it answering questions or asking them.

As for getting numbers, sometimes I get one, sometimes I don't. Sometimes just offering her MY number is enough to scare her away (is giving/asking for a number too forward now? :S). Recently I got a girl's number and we had talked for a few days afterward, but then she never got back to me.

Everyone is different when it comes to this online stuff. I wouldn't let it get to you.

Matchforme, if you read my comment and took offense..well..I won't apologize for my 2 cents. I was making a comment to the words he chose to use.

I, myself, rarely get emails back...but I'm old enough and wise enough to know that if they don't respond, I'm not wasting my time. Communication is important and if they had an interest in me,the communication would continue.

JSH is a great site, but it's limited by the people who choose to join. There are millions of other people in the "real world". And if you limit the ways to find people, including distance, then you're only hurting yourself.

Again..my 2 cents.

Well obviously I'm not going to keep writing women who don't keep contact with me. THAT is desperate for sure. :P

As for the Real World, people tell me I can meet anyone anywhere, and I like to take their word for it. I try make connections out there, and then my friends get all over my action because they think THAT is acting too desperate. So I can meet women anywhere in any situation (as any disciple of Mystery would tell you), except for the places that I go to? Ironically, the only place I try to avoid with the prospect of meeting women is the most successful; The Bar Scene. But let's be honest, who goes to a bar to find The Decent Guy? All the women there are either looking for a quick lay or they just like flaunting their goods. And to be perfectly frank, I'm insulted by the idea that I have to buy a woman alcohol in order to get her to talk to me. Is getting her liquored up the only way she can enjoy my company? (Making women like me is no problem whatsoever; only when the prospect of dating arises does she shut down. :S)

Bob, all I can say is some girls are dumb. not all of us just some of us. some of us learn early on in life what we really want, and the rest of us goof off until we know for sure what we want, all I can say is there is someone out there for everyone. sometimes it takes going thru a pile of emails to find one that you can relate to and who can relate to you. I think I am easy for most men to relate to cause my passion is cars. I sent out sooo many emails and didnt get any responses to them, I guess I wasnt good enough for them either. keep your chin up and know that someday there will be a girl worth your time and efforts. until then, smile, you are very cute!

angie

Ya know, I go to a bar to have a good time. To laugh and drink with my friends. To relax, and cut loose. I'm not a bad person, out to get laid, nor do I flaunt myself. Therefore, in my opinion (I seem to have a lot of those lately) not every guy I meet at the bar is going to be bad. Meeting people in the bar used to be the "in" thing to do. The internet was taboo. Now the roles have been reversed. I meet people every where. I enjoy the time I get to spend with them. You have to think the way YOU want to think and stop letting your friends and society tell you how and where to meet girls. Hell..as far as that goes..don't listen to me. I only know what works for me.

Thanks Angie. Seems to me like everyone who thinks me cute or a great guy is either much older than me and/or too many states away. Just my luck, huh? *lol*

Your interest in cars does you good, does it? What do young women like that I can like too without being regarded as gay? (I know how much women like hanging out with gay guys who are like girlfriends to them, but I REFUSE to go down that path! :P)

i hit a brick wall with a mortar the other day... it was fun

"You have to think the way YOU want to think and stop letting your friends and society tell you how and where to meet girls."

But don't I HAVE to listen to how society tells me to meet girls? Girls make up (more or less) an entire HALF of society, and it is them I'm trying to appeal to. The only reason dating advice of any kind exists is because thinking the way you want to think yields little (if any) results. I want to think that if I'm a good-looking guy who is easy to get along with, is a good listener as well as conversationalist, has goals in life to aspire to and has a desire to meet the opposite sex for something more meaningful that simply putting my **** into something, THAT should be successful enough for me to still be with the high school sweetheart I never had. Obviously that hasn't happened. I DON'T want to think that women will flock to me if I'm an asshole and all I want is as much sex with as many random women as possible with barely knowing anything about them, but too many people have proved THAT to be more successful than my way of thinking. :(

But, sweetheart...each girl is unique in her wants and desires. Society as a whole doesn't know the best way for YOU to meet girls. I can tell you what works for me to meet guys, but what good is that gonna do you? =)

I think it's awesome that you put yourself out here for us to talk to and get to know. I'm also grateful that you haven't been offended by my comments and opinions. I'm blunt. I have many threads posted around this site in which people have said just that. But I tell it like it is and mean no harm.

You're attractive. You appear to be intelligent. You need to relax. You're young. (I bet you hate hearing that, but when you get to be my age, you'll look back and laugh, I promise you)

"I can tell you what works for me to meet guys, but what good is that gonna do you? =)"
Probably not a lot, but not for the reasons you may be thinking of. I imagine that your methods of meeting guys would be infinitely more successful than my methods of meeting women simply because you're a woman. As confusing as the art of wooing is, the woman approaching the man makes things a LOT easier. But you can tell me what you do anyway if you'd like. ANY information from someone who doesn't tell me to just stop my *****ing (an ironic twist, given your screen name *lol*) and just get a girl drunk is most welcome.

"I think it's awesome that you put yourself out here for us to talk to and get to know. I'm also grateful that you haven't been offended by my comments and opinions."
I KNOW, huh? I'm being brutally honest with a lot of strangers in here to try to better myself. If I'm brave enough ask about a personal problem to people I don't even know, surely THAT expresses some degree of confidence that the ladies supposedly can't get enough of, right? :P *lol*
Your opinions are just those; opinions. I can take them, or I can't. You adding "no offense" to your first comment was all I needed. You acknowledge that what you have to say might be offensive, but that's not what you want to get across. Sometimes the truth hurts, and if it hurts, sorry about that.

"(I bet you hate hearing that, but when you get to be my age, you'll look back and laugh, I promise you)"
Yeah, I do, but what else CAN I do besides betraying everything I am? *lol* My friends and family don't like me adopting the idea that women are stupid for constantly turning down a smart, attractive guy like me, but I ask you, how ELSE does one expect me to stay happy with myself in a world that apparently wants nothing to do with me? O_o I only try to keep myself on The Hunt because I know how bad that opinion is and I really want to prove myself wrong.

Well since I am not a "normal girl" I am not sure what other girls like, I guess since the things I like to do arent considered normal girl things, that makes me unique. just like you, there will be a common thread some where with someone, I know you want it now but hey good things come to those who wait. I know when I meet a man, I want to be treated like a lady, given flowers once in a while, told that I look nice, I like to feel like I am the only girl in the room when I am out with someone. that doesnt mean I want all the attention on me, it just means that when I am talking I like to know he is listening and I like to look into his eyes when he talks too, so he knows that he is the only one on my mind. sorry a little off the topic, but hey, just know there is someone who will appriceate you for being you!!

Bob, I took a look at your profile after reading this thread, and I have to say I find it very odd. It certainly has the feel of "trying too hard" (IMO) but then also you write in your profile this sentence:

"I am a big dog with no need to prove his machismo in a world of small dogs who think they have to get you all liquored up if they want to talk to you and eventually leave you in the bed of his pickup truck after a rather disappointing one-night stand."

On the one hand it seems like you're trying to build yourself up -- "I am a big dog" -- at the expense of all other men in the world -- "in a world of small dogs" -- and then you go on to insult women by implying they all drink to excess and have one-night stands.

And your numerous references on this thread to "I don't want to have to buy a woman a drink", "get her all liquored up", etc. etc. is very peculiar. Are you a teetotaler? Are you cheap? Are you bitter because you feel like you spent money on someone who didn't (a) appreciate it, or (b) deserve it? You've got a chip on your shoulder about something!

Lastly, there is a phrase that I have found useful to know and it's this: "The common denominator in all my relationships is me". How are your other relationships? at work, personal life, family, etc.? Are they good?

My "odd" profile is only used here. I've tried SEVERAL free dating services with something much more conventional and got nothing out of it. They say you should establish something interesting and unique when writing your profile, so I decided to try something that was REALLY out there but makes sense in some bizarre way.

My "I'm a big dog" statement is being taken out of context. I see guys strutting around with no shirts on (which is, I'm told, more of a turnoff for women than these guys would like to believe) with pimped out rides, and it looks like they're trying to compensate for something really important that they don't have. I'm comparing them to chihuahuas who think they are much bigger and more intimidating than they really are, and I'm comparing myself to something like a lab or a retriever; very real, always a friend, and not having a need to try to prove myself by playing the Tough Guy. Given this current direction in this discussion, I'm suddenly reminded of this analogy by how Paris Hilton prefers the company of a chihuahua over some other breed. *lol*

"Are you a teetotaler? Are you cheap?"
Don't know what a teetotaler is, but I'm not cheap. I just don't think I should have to alter her state of mind in order to enjoy my company while everyone else says that I DO, since meeting women outside the Bar Scene isn't working right now.

As for my other relationships, they're all absolutely amazing. I'm very close with my family, my friends always want me around, I have lots of friends at work... THIS is why I'm as confused and frustrated as I am in my dating exploits; how is it that I can form relationships as easily and successfully as this, but women want nothing to do with me once the idea of dating arises?


I'm noticing you had no quarrel about my ability to swoon cats. Point for me? *l* :)

My only remark about you buying drinks for a girl...alcohol can help us loosen up and relax. If you're buying her several drinks an hour, that's one thing. But sitting down and sharing a drink or two can be just the thing to have BOTH of you relax enough to let the **** roll off and start to enjoy yourselves.


It appears to me that you're very black and white and don't see a lot of shades of grey. The world is very colorful. Learn to enjoy it. =)

Okay, well, have you tried a "paid" dating service? There is a difference between paying and not paying. I haven't been a member here that long so my experiences here are not vast but my experience on the for-profit sites is that people there are more serious about finding someone and having a relationship. This site seems to me to be more about chat and friendship than anything else. Not that there's anything wrong with that

A teetotaler is someone who doesn't drink.

Given the nature of your other relationships I'm surprised you haven't met women to date through them. Best way to meet people is through other people.

Or is it that you meet plenty of people but then they get "scared off" or don't want to date for some reason. Are you too good at being The Friend? as opposed to the Boyfriend?

I find dating services/advice that you have to pay for to be an insult. Millions of people all over the world are getting dates for free, be it in real life or over the internet. Why shouldn't I be able to do the same. Shouldn't paying someone for dating help be a big sign of desperation anyway? I'm getting help from almost everyone I know who have had great successes themselves, and if they give me advice that isn't contradictory to some OTHER advice (which happens all too often) and it still doesn't work, they're completely dumbfounded as to what happened.

A friend of mine were out once, and he spotted this cute girl who was standing by herself. He suggested that I go over to her and invite her to come and join us. I objected since I had seen her with this guy earlier who was playing touchy-feely with her, playfully smacking her ass, casual boyfriend stuff, and deduced that her guy was just off in the restroom or somewhere. My friend didn't see him, and pushed me over her way. I conceded, and proceeded to talk to her being my usual friendly self whenever talking to new people I want to get to know (meanwhile, my friend was watching from a safe distance to try to see if I was giving off any negative body language). She said she was with her guy, and politely rejected me. I came back to my friend, and he couldn't see where I was going wrong. So, even bearing destructive knowledge of the lady's unavailability, I still know how to where my Happy Face(TM) with no ill effects. The way I see it, how is it that my friend (who incidentally gets the MOST action out of any of us) couldn't help me improve my method(s) but someone who I have to pay and doesn't know anything about me would?

"A teetotaler is someone who doesn't drink."
Ah, check. My drinking is reserved mostly for special occasions.

As for drinking to engage in mutual relaxation, I don't need that either. A new friend/co-worker of mine recently came here from out of state, and she was nervous as hell from her new environment and complete lack of friends. I very easily fell into conversation with this girl, and a few weeks later she thanked me for being the first person she met in this state who made her feel comfortable and at right at home. So THAT'S not where I'm failing. :S

Networking through my other relationships hasn't worked either. The social circles of my friends are usually MUCH bigger than my own, but in what they tell me, they can't think of any female friends of theirs who would be interested in dating me (since finding women who are SINGLE in their circles is apparently enough of a challenge on its own). That, or they're actually not trying at all. How can I know, since I'm not following them around day and night? :P One lady friend of mine DID say that she had someone who might be good with me, but she never arranged anything. :S

"Or is it that you meet plenty of people but then they get "scared off" or don't want to date for some reason."
That's pretty much the nub of the whole matter. I meet someone, we get along wonderfully, but then I propose a date and she suddenly has to buy a cat so she can go home and feed it. Wtf? :(

Being a friend comes naturally to me, but no one has been able to tell me what the difference in being The Boyfriend is. I instinctively think that if I want to do something with someone, I have to try to be his/her friend so that my presence doesn't offend them in anyway. How is that attitude different when approaching women?

It seems no matter what advice you're given here, you have a rebuttal on why it doesn't work for you. I've come to the conclussion that you're looking for miracles where none exist. Look inside yourself for answers.

You think I WANT these rebuttals? :( I didn't create these counterarguments just for the sake of pissing people off. I hate them too. My friends can only give me advice that either didn't work for me or contradicts some OTHER piece of advice that should have worked long ago but didn't. Every time I look inside myself for answers I only get more questions, which is why no one wants to help me anymore.

Getting a girl to go out with me should NOT have to be a miracle. All I want is some help that makes sense, doesn't contradict some other crucial elementary socialization theory, and doesn't compromise who and what I am. Is that something that only God can do?