How do you deal with someone that is a little too needy or a little too clingy in a relationship..?.. okay I'm a single father of two boys I have a career I have a lot of responsibility things to look after I don't have a ton of time to put into a relationship... but when I have time for the relationship I put 100 in 10% of me into it... I believe in quality over quantity..... but I'm finding that some women I date tend to need more time then I can really give them... they start demanding more together time ,more dinners .more romantic evenings ,more sleepovers.. . now i explain to them early on in the relationship that I do not have a lot of time!. but I will give what I can of myself... they always say at the beginning . I totally get it! and understand you have children ,you have a career ,you have a lot going on ...I will be happy with whatever time you give me...
But sure enough two months later they start getting really needy and clingy.... outside of that the relationship is good..... it just really starts to bother me I'm a giver meaning if you asked me to do something even though I really can't I will probably try to do it.... so it bothers me a little bit when they ask for more of my time and they know I really can't give them any more time..
.. so I end up trying to spend more time with them at the sacrifice of other things....... so how do you get through to a needy or clingy person...
.. you know!! I like seeing you I just can't see you all the time,.. doesn't seem to work

How do you not determine if someone is needy or clingy before you get into a "relationship?" via dating?


Was that meant to be 110%?
That can backfire on you.
I mean if you're not giving 110% from the very first time you say hello then when you all of a sudden start putting "110%" then it's going to come across as a serious change.
When there's big change, there's feelings of something wrong.

I mean if you're going along at 50 miles an hour and all of a sudden speed up to 110 miles an hour the person driving next to you is either going to try to slow you down, or start acting crazy and possibly have car problems trying to keep up all the while screaming "wtf is going on?! Why'd you speed up like that?! Are you trying to lose me?"


You don't see the irony of saying that after noting you put 110% of you in a relationship?
"I believe in quality over quantity...that's why I try to put more of me in a relationship."


Lots of times that's just a cry for better communication in the relationship.

You know the thread asking "how much time until you should propose marriage?"
External indicators instead of communication.
If you rely on external indicators, things like time to tell you what you should do, how you should feel, then people are going to focus on creating these indicators.
e.g. demanding more together time tells them whether or not you want to spend more time together, you want to be with them. They aren't really getting it through normal, healthy, channels of communication, so they are trying to get the behavior, the indicators, that will tell them these things.

Kind of like the whole "3rd date" rule.
Instead of talking about sex, instead of relying on figuring out if the other person is comfortable or desiring sex, paying attention to them, who they are, they try to hurry up and get to the 3rd date, and if sex doesn't happen on the 3rd date then it "must" mean they aren't interested.
Not paying attention to communication, they relied solely on behavior they had to manipulate to determine relevant relationship information.


You don't.
If you're only attracting needy or clingy people you are only attracting people who don't rely on communication, which means you don't rely on communication.

That means you either try to learn how to actually communicate, or you keep trying to find someone whose clingy and neediness is compatible with what you're willing to give.

Humm honestly when I did not have the time to give to a relationship then I stayed away of getting involved with anyone.

The way I see it if one does not have the time for one they should not be in one..

I was lucky enough to find a guy when I was raising my kids alone that was just as busy as I was with his work ect.. So it worked out only being with each other a couple days a week.. But we talked every day on the phone when we had time to ourselves..

It is all finding that balance with another person..

... they start :



Send them over to me for the sleepovers. That way you just have to take care of the dinners and the romantic evenings. Teamwork and the Buddy system.

I think you are much better off if you are with
someone whose 'nature' you enjoy.

You are not going to change anyone, if they are
needy now, that will get worse.

If it is not one of those things you can live with...
book Canada, book.

You've raised that issue more often ...
Maybe the time you have to offer simply isn't enough to sustain a relationship?
Meaning the women aren't necessarily clingy, you just can't -or aren't willing- to give what it takes.
It's not really fair to blame those women for you getting your boxers in a twist because you are a giver. That's YOUR problem. Like calling them needy and clingy is your perception, because it doesn't compute with your agenda.

The problem might be your own agenda ... If memory serves, you don't want a relationship, not just yet anyways. So if you date women who do want that, you're fishing in the wrong pond.
Logical, as the pond with women who only seek casual dating & sex is not too crowded.
But then this is what you get ... Maybe a nice swingers club could help you out

I think you should date a working mom
at least she would understand this

A little too needy or too clingy, is the same thing as being a little too pregnant.

I have always found that when I am too busy to give more than 100% of myself to a relationship I back off and don't enter into one.
I see several scenarios here.
A. Don't get into anything more than casual relationship

B. Date women that have a high intensity career or children of their own where they will get that you don't need nor want anything more than casual with sex.

C. Decide why is it that this same type of scenario seems to happen to you over and over. After you are the one doing the picking.

Yeah, preferably one that works three jobs and does a study on the side...

If I can't give 200% to a relationship then I don't go into one.
It's not fair on him when he can find someone that will.
For me it's about getting priorities in the order you want them in.
What you put in is what you will get out.

words of wisdom

at least this makes me think of the qualities of certain people !

Hey Maxisu, so nice to see you again :-)

Soooo. . What you're saying is don't date.. unless you have time to commit 110%....hmmm.. seems like that would make me the needy and clingy one..lol....

I can't help with this. I was never with a guy who was too clingy. I kind of wonder what it would feel like.

Is that a bad thing for you?

.. it is like having somebody that always wants your attention 24/7

.lol..noooo.. I have from time to time being a little needy or clingy myself... but when I'm with somebody that works a lot and has other priorities.. I try to keep my needy and clinginess to a minimum..lol..

For once, it might be nice to have a man that wants my attention. Don't forget the saying, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone."