I'm going to skip the whole baggage = child thing... cause I just HAVE to beleive you did not mean it the way it came out. And if you DID.. well, please, do not tell me... cause I'd have to puke, take off my halo and do things not fit for print.

so......... *deep breath*

There is something I would like to point out....
As we each make our way thru life we take with us either a treasure or a boulder... and our hearts are the luggage compartments/carriers. And I can guarantee you.. no matter what, a parent will ALWAYS consider a child (ANY CHILD) A TREASURE.

Lucky are they who have more treasures than boulders.... I applaud them!

I wonder though.... are YOU one of them? Do YOU have no boulders?? Are you "baggage" free??

For someone who claims to walk an elightened path (yes, I read your profile))... I find it utterly contradictory to the teachings of Buddhism that you CHOSE to start off right out of the gate being JUDGEMENTAL and INSULTING.

May the Angels of Wisdom, Compassion, Communication & Eloquence bathe you in Their Divine energies....

what you didnt know people love to be 2 faced?

PROPS TO LIGHT! WELL SAID!

Last night one of the residents called me fat. I guess that would be my baggage. I asked the nurse if my new smock made me look fat and she said no. Even the other pregnant nurse on dayshift said I didn't look fat either. The real baggage for me is getting rid of stuff that is good that I don't actually use. Been thinking about having a yardsale and sometimes think about cleaning house but then I get a good day's sleep in and I don't even think about the house looking like a wreck until I wake up. Got two wonderful little dogs. I might be a Goddog soon if the Schnauzer and the Spitz have puppies. Maybe I am fat. Could be the new smock. It has planets on it and walking around it maybe I do look like a whole solar system. Got another smock that has whales on it being made and a cool Native American one with feathers. Got my eye on this material that has angels on it. Lisa said the ones with flowers on it makes me look gay. I think she is just trying to get into my smock.

me being a father it made me want to go 3 mile island, and no one wants to see that. which is why im glad no one could see what i was really like at the time, cause it gets ugly when i start to go into meltdown, just glad i didnt go hiroshima, that gets ugly, and i start tossing things. people, furniture, things such as that

LMAO @ Hillfolk...

<--- No "baggage"

No kids
No family
No ex's





Now "saddle bags" --- well. ladies most of us know about that...

BAGGAGE?!! WTH iS THiS!? WELL, MY SON iS NOT BAGGAGE.. WE ARE A PACKAGE DEAL. i LOVE HiM MORE THAN ANYTHiNG iN THiS WORLD..

Saddle bags!

Unfortuneately if you have kids there are folks out there that see that as a past carried into the future.
For many years my preference was for "package" deals. I loved kids and loved being a Mom. Still rare for me not to take any kid and give them all the time they need or want. Shareing parenting can be a great joy regardless of who gave birth. It can defintiely seal the deal in a great relationship.
However IF you have never had the misery of getting into a relationship where a persons kid was turning your life inside out to trying to be fair and still always getting the worst end of the deal you are REALLY Lucky.
When I see a post that says "my kids are my whole life and my only priority" I pause.
First; What does that tell a kid that will really be useful to them in their life. That they are the center of the universe and you are a moon. Not a really secure feeling when it is all said and done. Parents have to be the Sun.The other way around is sure not going to be reality in any other situation.
Second it is a terrible burden to anyone to have to be another's whole world.
Third. Self is part of Self esteem. You have to be an identity other than parent or eventually you are going to feel like an empty vessel. Our kids tend to pass through and move on with their lives at least somewhat independent. It is really tough being an empty nester if that is your whole identity.
Fourth how much self esteem does a person have or not have to submit to always being last? I can really see being equal but never last always. Even those who have great motivation and character would wilt in that environment.
Maybe it is incredibly old fashioned but I would hope a child still benifits from seeing a pair of parents who are equal and devoted to each other as much as they are to the child. I don't know how long that the myrter parent role will hang on in popular view but I do think it has contributed to a lot of resentment, anger, abandonment, and in some cases out right abuse of kids. Or kids growing up to be abusesive to their spouses and children. How you sew and nurture the sapling so shall the tree grow. There is and old saying that says "How you love the (parent) is the greatest gift you give a child."
Obviously moving into a dating relationship I think it would be lunacy to abandon your child but parents who date need to set aside personl time to find love, nurture love, and slowly develope a co-parenting role if they not only want a love of their own but to model ideal love to their child to repeat in their lives.

LOL did get everybody to sit up and take notice out her in cyber land..lol

ALSO VERY TRUE PACiFiC.. i DO AGREE THAT iN A RELATiONSHiP THERE HAS TO BE LOVE ALL AROUND ESPECiALLY iF YOU ARE GOiNG TO COPARENT EACH OTHER'S CHiLDREN. AS FOR RiGHT NOW, MY SON iS MY TOP PRiORiTY. HE ALSO KNOWS THAT THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND HiM. [[MOMMY NEEDS HER TiME TOO]]

my daughter knows i will do anything for her, but she knows daddy will say no also.

It is not that I drop everything the minute my kid wants something. And yes, there are days when I would much rather stay in bed sleeping or go out with my friends or just get lost in a good book...

I define myself as more than just a parent. But just as someone in love with a bf/gf may say "they are the love of my life", what is wrong with saying your kids are such? What is wrong with saying there is no greater love than the love you have for your child? NOTHING.

As for getting the losing end... I have dated single parents prior to having children of my own... IT IS A CHOICE MADE WHEN YOU DECIDE TO DATE THE OTHER PERSON.
The reality is: It IS a package deal. Chances are yuor mate will have to divide his or her attention between you and their kid(s)... but if it's a strong relationship, you stick with it. There are days I am at my wits end with my kids and their misbehavior... so I can understand an "outsider" feeling overwhelmed by this...
BUT- it doesn't make the children baggage or a burden. We were ALL kids once upon a time. If you don't like them, don't have any and don't date someone who has them... otherwise... accept it for what it is, and don't complain about it, because really, IT IS YOUR CHOICE.

Simply because life is a journey in which we start empty, as soon as we start walking the path of this journey, we start collecting things that are our life baggage. We can call them experiences and behaviors. We learn to behave in a certain manner for the effect that our experiences have had over us.
Then we start interacting with other people, and our relations with them become part of our baggage.
And that is life.
The important thing is to avoid attachments, we need to learn to let go for our own sake and others.

Beautifully put, Miguel!!!

Baggage refers to more than kids. It can also refer to exes,(lots of) pets, VERY high debt,addictions, personal issues, ect.

One thing I've noticed in the dating scene,and I'm sure it works both ways, but I'm going on my experiences here:

The more a woman despises the term "baggage", the more of it she has.

DISCLAIMER: Before I'm attacked by all the lovely ladies on JSH, I said earlier that this works BOTH WAYS!

Is baggage being mistaken for DRAMA? Loosely the word baggage is commonly used. I will never consider my kids baggage, if you read my profile, you'll see they are my world.

Also, as it has been said before by peeps before me, everyone has skeletons in their closet, its how they share it with you that may lead you to believe this Drama is Baggage.

Anyway, thats just MO.

oops, my bad. sorry to have offended so many people. i honestly didn't think I would get many responses. i guess i am surprised to see so many single parents on here.

Welcome treehugger.