Another question that's got me intrigued. Men want to pursue a woman, women need a man to do that.
That often gets tricky straight away in this day and age where women can easily approach a bloke in a pub and say "What's a nice guy like you doing in a place like this?"
And dating-sites don't make that any easier either. Are women supposed to just become a member and wait for men to get in touch with her?
Or is it okay if a woman initiates first contact by sending a short message, a nudge or whatever and then lets the man do the rest if the pursuing if he's interested?
What is okay and what isn't?
What lessens your interest when you initially were interested?

Is it true that after some contact, which really pleases you, you may need a bit of time to 'digest' what's going on? And if the woman starts messaging you (too pushy or too much) during that phase, you lose interest?
In other words: we should leave you to keep doing the pursuing and not take over when you don't get in touch for a day, or a couple of days?

I don't see why it matters. If you feel attracted to a guy, are you gonna wait until he approaches you? What if he NEVER approaches you? Would it make you wish you'd have made the first move? If I like a guy's profile, I'll send him an e-mail, explaining I'm interested. No point in hanging around and just willing stuff to happen. I was surprised they'd replied back. .

It is good that ladies will make the initial contact with guys on dating sites without feeling uncomfortable, and both should feel free to contact each other. Dating sites are only the media that brings two people together, how they conduct their dating after that should be whatever works best for them in my opinion.

I have been appouched by women befor and it makes me feel better abought my self

I think that it's great when a woman is keen and makes first contact. I f**king hate having to pursue women and having them procrastinating about whether they are interested in meeting me or not.

No, I don't need time to digest anything. The last girlfriend that I met through this just asked me out after we had only chatted for three days and I had been trying to chat up a girl on another site that I was more interested in because I had been doing that for a couple of months and was feeling a connection with her. I'm on here to meet women and not to just chat with them and with the majority all you do get from them is chat, if you get anything at all. I'm not intimidated by "agressive" women and I don't even mind them being a bit clingy. It annoys me when women play games and won't just say what they want.

Most of the time if i'm interested in a Woman on here "i inuicate contact" at first by sending a "friends request" with a message"why"! By doing this its better for me as i do have a few good friends that still message me personally "some quite often,some never" this keeps me interested in remaining a member here!!All my friends do not live near me but if given the opportunity i will maby eventually meet them personally on my yearly travels! Others on here"just ignore"you so again a win-win situation those are either too petty,or involved with themselves to participate at dating or be with someone anyhow!! I've got my life together with "no skeletons in the closet" Maby they aren't ready for participating in the "Dating"yet getting their "act together?" Me i'm no judge,God or judgmental of others here and am Very open to the possibility of knowing by communicating with others!! Hopefully if this don't confuse you it will help? Best wishes!!

It does not matter if you are male or female, you should go after what you want. (Exception to that rule are the scammers)

You may not get what you want, but you have to make the attempt. Sitting on the sidelines will not do a person any good.

"DITTO"

Think people miss the point of what I'm asking, so I'm copying a bit of text here that should explain it:

There are many ways that we women try to control our partner, whether we'��re single and '��chasing' him without realizing it. ....
If you'��re a single woman and a dating relationship is just beginning with a man, or he'��s teetering on the edge of a real commitment, this kind of masculine energy can look and feel to him like you’re desperate or '��chasing'�� him just when he needs most to be chasing you. We may not even be aware that we'��re doing it, or we may think that we’re simply being 'helpful'�� or '��pro-active' instead of seeing our behavior for what
it really is: An attempt to steer things in the direction we want them to go.

....

Single And Dating: Control Through '��Chasing'��: Are you habitually reverting to your masculine energy in a relationship by '��chasing'�� him without knowing it? We might think we'��re being '��friendly'�� by sending a flirty text or baking him a birthday cake, but unless a man is steadily coming toward you all on his own, these actions are really subtle ways in which we try to control relationship -�� and they can end up pushing a man away.

I suppose we have established that it's okay for a woman to make initial contact. But then it can happen that you have an overwhelming first connection and suddenly you don't hear from him for a day, or a few days.
Now typical me, and from what I understand "typical woman thinking", is "Oh my god! Why doesn't he get in touch?! Did I do/say something wrong???"
Next I have to force myself to not get concerned/worried/panic and text/message him.
And often end up doing so after hours of pulling my hair out.

BUT, what if a guy just needs this time 'off' to digest what's going on? Then texting / messaging him at that moment, won't go down well?
So, is it TRUE that men need that time 'off' to digest and women should just trust him (and themselves actually) and simply let go and let him come back (or not, lol)
Do men work that way (needing that time 'off'?)

I'll go further. I've said this before but sometimes it seems to me that searching profiles and my making first contact is actually counterproductive. It possibly makes me just another pushy guy to them. The last two women that I met through this site contacted me first. The first one that I met on here wouldn't actually make a date until I had given up trying. Maybe it's the old thing about seeming desperate being a turn off. I don't know but it's been my experience that "chasing" women on dating sites is a huge f**king waste of time.

Online dating is a tricky situation because you don't see the body language or hear the voice on the phone. People do need breaks from posting online, if you have a life outside the cyberworld. Well, most do. Hopefully, the person who needs the break will send a message by saying I will be offline for a time or something like that. Imagination can run wild and insecurities can creep in. One has to be strong in that situation and have confidence in yourself. Breathe, exhale... just breathe and don't pull your hair.

I can't speak for "men" and I can only speak for myself. If I'm at all interested I reply to messages unless I'm busy doing something else. I'm "digesting" nothing. I don't take time to think about it before I reply. I reply when I've got the time because when someone doesn't reply to me I take that as a lack of interest and assume that they will take it the same way if I don't reply.

Haha, I don't intend to! But I find it's ever so easy to slip in old ruts.
This is not totally about me, also based on what I read in that book Have the Relationship You Want. Just interested if it really works like that and how people here think about this.

I think that many women already hear the wedding-chimes when they have a good exchange with a man as opposed to just enjoying the moment. Exactly what that books says as well, women think too much, and contrary to common belief, men are the ones that feel.
I don't like admitting to it, but I do see truth in that ...

Exactly, KLC! And masculine and feminine is not gender-bound. There are men that are mostly feminine and women that are mostly masculine, meaning the man/woman roles appear to be reversed, but the energies still match, which ultimately is what it's about. One has to be masculine, one has to be feminine. It doesn't really matter which one does what.

Then you are asking does a man deserve a "time off" in answering you? If this is the case "Hell No" Man or Woman! Just move on like they have already done!! That's like being in a relationship and your partner tells you"I think We should start seeing others because this is getting too serious"? They have already been doing that,and would you just "stand by"and Wait? Move on!! Live for today-tomorrow is never promised!

I'm not sure that I follow you but it's true that I can't really be doing with picky types that have a lot of demands and are too much like hard work.

Here's an example: I messaged a girl on here last night and told her that she sounded like my kind of girl. I also gave her some advice about something, which she thanked me for. I replied again, asking her what sort of guy she was looking for. Then she checked out my profile but didn't reply again. Well, I'm guessing that she saw that I'm a student and it did seem from her profile that she was looking for a "provider". That's not really about what sort of girl that I'm looking for and it's just about being rejected. I don't know if it was that though and maybe she just didn't like my profile blurb and how my personality comes across on it. Same goes for when I send a message and get no reply. It happens all the time. You exchange a few messages and then they just stop replying. F**k them. They are the ones that are being unfriendly and not me. I reply to messages and do what I can to keep a conversation going but the ones that just want to chat forever are usually a dead loss because unless there's a good reason why you can't just meet after exchanging a reasonable number of messages they are either time wasters or just looking for a friend to chat with on the internet.

Flirting in the forums has proven to work for some.

The "behind the scenes" stuff ... you are taking your chances.

I don't think that I'm feminine and I simply like women being friendly. I have quite a strong personality and I've been told by some people that they find me too intense or overpowering. I try to tone that down, is all. I don't beat dead horses and I back off when they back off. Not being pushy is a strategy, if you like. It works and I've seen women changing their minds when I've done it. I know what I want but women seem to be very changeable. Why should I do anything if I'm not getting some sort of a come on? I don't want them thinking that I'm some sort of creepy guy that can't take no for an answer, which is generally what happens when you're pushy or clingy with women.

To me it's so not a big deal...If I want to make initial contact, I do....If a guy makes the first move that's fine too...Either way you have to deal with it, either way it presents an issue that you should respect enough to respond to one way or the other...I have never (and will never) make first contact by using the search options here because, for me, profile information is not enough...The only way I would initiate contact is if I have been exposed to the guy on the boards and something peaks my interest enough to want to know more...I refuse to let the fear of rejection or dating "rules" control my actions ....Besides, I don't think it's that hard to tell when a man is flirting because that's what he does with all the gals or he's flirting because he's sending a specific message to me...If I think he is interested and I share that feeling, I will definitely let him know....Color me brave!