Ive tried that already... i even tried to be someone different instead of my self... im stumped

Ahhh, well, that's a whole other question....I don't know. I've never been in a physically abusive relationship. I've been in a few that were emotionally abusive. Why did I stay? Low self esteem and stupidity. I don't know why anyone else does, but those were my reasons.

Its not an excuse when you see all the facts, the truth, and real life experiences... i wouldnt have asked this question if i hadnt seen it with my very own eyes...

Trsut me im a guy with confidence, im the one that's inviting to go to places, im the one who suggest to do fun and exciting things... but at the same time im respectfull and understanding...

Thanks dude... but i dnt think women are bad... im just wondering why they choose a "douche" (even though they have all the evidence in front of them) over a nice respectfull guy

klc has a very valid perspective latinboy. Take some wisdom from the wise.

Well they say what you see and experience is a reflexion of what you expect...its hard work to change your perception...im working on mine as i dont always expect possitive results and end up creating more of the same chit over and again.

Where's Patti Stanger when we need her?

Who knows why women are with abusive men? I am trying to figure out why guys are with abusive women. Both situations are puzzling to me.

here's an example from a book I read.....

one thing it suggests when approaching women us to "ask as a man going his own way" so the example is a new secretary in the office they guy ask her "hey there is a new coffee shop down the road I'm going to check out on my lunch" so she says "no thabks , but can you pick me up (insert complicated drink here)..."

now here is the two separate possible responses

nice guy response"sure, love two" brings drink back then wonders why girl doesn't respond to his sweet actions
(the book says that one possible reason is because subconsciously you showed her she can control you)

2. not nice guy response "sorry, but when I go to get coffer I go to relax and not run errands"....now she may not go right then, but the next day when he asks.... she knows its a yes/no and that you also showed her that your not an push over at the same time......

Or....you just just chalk it up to some people just have ****ed up taste in men or women. I admit I do. There could be 50 decent, hardworking, sane, normal, not bad looking, but not hot, well-meaning guys in the room, and 1 ******* over there in the corner, sort of tall, wonderfully thin, with a hot face, messy hair, sexy voice, and a shitty attitude, writing crappy poetry in a well-worn notebook and smoking a cigarette that will more than likely give me a damn asthma attack. Guess which one I make a beeline for?

Oh well....

usually it doesn;t start out that way and when he shows his true colors she thinks it's a " hiccup" or an anomaly and he will go abck to being nice....and sometimes she will think she can change him which is a big mistake.

a mentally healthy person is not going to stay with someone who is abusive irrespective of gender

that could be it too

but my opinion is that this approach let's the 'jerk' know if she is interested in him right away...because if the next day he ask and she shuts him down he probably knows she isn't interested....

however she may be a complete witch and while not interested in the nice she 'stays friends' with him so she had someone to get her coffee for her...and after weeks of getting her coffee still wonders why she isn't interested when in reality it wasn't him she wanted it was just the coffee

I think some people just figure it is better to pick the devil they know than be disappointed when the "good guy" turns into a pr--k. Sometimes it is that women have learn habits that make guys crazy and have had a series of bad relationships or abandonments so they take they guy who will stay and continue the relationship even if it is radically dysfunctional. Some women actually think getting to their Golden Wedding Anniversary is an accomplishment even if the guy has had a mistress for years or beat them to the point of hospitization or miscarriage a couple of times. I did a research paper on long marriages and I was about ready to swear off of the concept after what I learned.

Well said, and I agree, so many people brag about their own long marriages or the long marriages of their parents/grandparents, etc. never taking into account the quality of the relationship, over the quantity of the years.