Got hurt this past year and it's been a swift spiral downwards since then. I went from being a happy, healthy, energetic, independent working woman to this...



Lost it all. Health insurance went first, and then the job after 30 days and no recovery. Savings depleted. Credit cards maxed and credit score in the toilet now. Totally broke. Lost the home when I couldn't pay rent. Stuff went in storage and the dog and I ended up in the truck. Had to give up my two cats eventually which just killed me. Friend of a friend felt sorry for me and let the dog and I chill in his garage until I got back on my feet. Been here ever since (10 flippin' months!). So now I am completely dependent on him for everything, from food to smokes to toilet paper to wipe my arse. Humiliated beyond words to say the least. NEVER in my life imagined things could get this bad.

I don't blame anyone but myself. And I know I'm the only one that can fix it, but I have no idea where to start. I live in physical pain constantly, and I've become severely depressed, almost to the point of suicide honestly. I just see no way out, no remedy, no hope that I'm ever going to get back to the me I used to be.

So what would you do? Learn to live like this somehow? Accept that I'm not going to get better and figure out how to cope with being in pain all the time and dependent on a man for everything? What kind of quality of life is that?

My man keeps telling me to not worry, that he's got this, and that I should just try to be happy but I'm really struggling. I'm not contributing anything and just feel worthless as a human being now. How do I fix this????

you look in the mirror,smile,and say "hey,i'm still alive.my life is good" and keep going.that's what you do

Misswright I'm sorry for what you're going through. Often the first step is to either write down, or to speak out loud to someone who wants to listen about the things that are causing you so much distress so you've already made a start there. Can I suggest you call Samaritans USA, they're easy enough to find on the net, I've just done it so why not have a look at their site. I work for a (non-religious) similar organisation here in the UK so I can't speak for the American brand, but I should imagine they have similar guidelines to ours.....that is.....calls are completely confidential, we don't judge and you can remain anonymous if you wish.
Alternatively if you don't want to talk on the phone and don't mind communicating with someone outside your own country you can email jo@samaritans.org
They will aim to answer your mail within 12 hours.

Since I have been there, I can tell you that the most important thing you can do is to be thankful there is at least one person in your life willing to be there for you, instead of feeling dependent in a negative way. Then sit down and take a really good look at yourself, from a non-critical point of view. Write down your positive and negative insights, hopes and fears, strengths and weakness, abilities and inabilities etc. Pick your strengths and figure out what you are really good at and try to think if there is some way to use your strengths to help you emotionally, financially and physically. There is ALWAYS something you will find that will be the trigger to encourage yourself and maybe even to support yourself financially. Everyone has special gifts, find yours and use them to benefit you and others. You may be amazed at what you will find. It may be as simple as taking care of a child part time or may be caring for an elderly person while their family works. There is always something and sometimes we just need to remove ourselves from the negative to the positive to find these things. We may sometimes even find our destiny! Love and prayers to you MissWright, may you find your destiny!

I am sorry for all that you are going through. I have been in a similar situation. Lift yourself up,dust off the negative and figure out how you can help others. For example volunteer at a soup kitchen or volunteer your time. Do not worry about anything and pray for everything. Find a local church that you like. Get involved in the community. Start networking and you will find help and you will grow stronger. Look at how you can help the world more with the free time. Just love more and you will be loved back! I will be praying for you also.

It's good that you have someone to help you through this difficult time not everyone is that lucky. I hope things improve for you soon.

Missy,


You were one of the first people who reached out to me when I first joined mingle... I'll never forget it, you're always pleasant in the threads and I truly appreciate your above average intelligence on here. That being said, Let's get to it!!!

First things first... Quit smoking, you can't afford it and neither can he... Second, if you are on pain meds, it's vital you get off them and deal with it in other ways, you'd be amazed on how much this is contributing to your mental state. Third, you need to get an hour a day of exercise, fresh air... just get out there, walk your dog like you're on a mission, talk to people... You've already done the hardest part by letting your worries & pain out to the universe for help... Take the time to escape from your thoughts... Join a book exchange club. If you're close to water, go swimming and make sure you break a sweat in the water.

Things will get better if you let them

I can't blame you. I once had a breakdown, because no-one believed my neighbours were harrassing me. It was only after starving myself that my family began to see. But hun, I'd rather be sleeping on someone's couch, than on an unsafe street. It could be worse. At christmas, when it snows, at least you'll be in a warm place. You are not a bad person for having to rely on someone for stuff. That's no different to a patient needing medical attention. He must be very caring to have took you in. He is a good soul. I've rung up suicide hotlines, and was just upfront. Don't worry about where you're going next. Don't pressure yourself. There are loan companies out there, that will let you borrow money, especially in YOUR situation. ;)

According to Mandisa, "don't quit, don't give in, you are an overcomer!"

Sorry to hear of your situation.. You have many answers right in front of you. The internet is a world of answers..Search for help as far as medical goes you would be surprised what you could find. Not sure if you are able to work or not if so start applying for jobs close by.

There are many Churches that will help those that are down to get them back on their feet. Low income housing ect.. If you can not work due to medical reasons then file for disability or social security...

File for welfare to help contribute for your needs until you get on your feet.

I know many that started cleaning houses for extra money and now making a good living off of it...

At one time for extra money I was a care giver for a elderly lady and her brother. All I did was light house keeping and fixed their meals on the weekends..

When you have the internet you can find many sources out there to help you to get back to where you once was...

Oh girl,so very sorry you are going through this!You may want to try acupunture.And applying for Disability.That way you will get some medical apts that may be able to help you.
Get your mind set to beat this.And stop letting it beat you.

Lots of good advice here Missy, good friends who care too....But before you do anything else, get some medical help for your depression, a major side effect of chronic pain...I googled medical help for the indigent in Boca Raton, Florida and found several good sites...Hopelessness is paralyzing, long term (over 2 weeks) depression is dangerous...You have a computer and it sounds like you have a good support system...Don't waste anymore time on here, find medical assistance and use it...


http://www.westbocamedctr.com/en-us/ourservices/hospitalservices/pages/financialassistanceprograms.aspx

http://www.freemedicalsearch.org/sta/florida

You're not humiliating yourself. And if you feel you're going to break down, don't be afraid to. If you do, well, it's better out than in. This sounds like an emergency. Suicidal thoughts can keep coming back, but I think you know that, given that's how you once felt. It's too easy to put on a happy front, but I suggest not doing that, if you're truly not happy. Suicidal thoughts never fully leave, but you will eventually learn a way to lessen them. You'll be doing yourself a big favour by phoning a helpline. J.m.o

Wow! Thank you all for the responses and suggestions! It is truly appreciated.

First let me clarify that I would NEVER commit suicide! EVER! I think about it every damn day, yes, but only because I can't stand living like this, but I would never go to that extreme. Suicide is nothing but a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I would never do that to the people that care about me. Plus I have too much to offer this world!

Secondly I have applied for medicaid and disability. Denied for both. Apparently I shoulda been a crack addict, an illegal alien, or a baby's momma with 5 kids by 6 different baby's daddies to qualify for medicaid. As for govt disability, no go because I don't have medical documentation to prove the injury. I explained I didn't have insurance or money to get medical help, that's why I was applying (DUH!) and they sent me to their doc. I was psyched, thought I'd be getting treatment, would get fixed and return to work before needing to actually be on disability. Trouble was that their doc did nothing for my injury, just made sure I was breathing which apparently disqualifies you for disability!

The not working and being dependent on my man is what has me in a tizzy. If I could work, I absolutely would! I'm not above working at Taco Bell but how do I go to an employer and say I would be a valuable, dependable employee when I can barely walk or pick up my arms much of the time? Take care of others? I can hardly take care of myself! You have no idea how hard it is to ask somebody to pull up your underwear for you after you shower because you can't bend over! Or maybe you do and I'm just the only one that feels like a total loser for it! I've never been so physically helpless. Mentally I am bull! but when the body can't/won't do what I want it to, my mind starts getting all funky on me. Fast forward through 10 months of funkiness and here I sit, typing my crap for y'all to see 'cause I just don't know what else to do.

Finally, yes, I am blessed to have found this man that takes care of me. I am blessed that I have the garage, and that I have my dog still, and that people here try to help others who need it. I thank you all, seriously THANK YOU! for listening and offering suggestions. I will do my best to make the best of a bad situation. I will overcome this or learn to live with it better, but I just wish the tides would hurry up and shift. I do what I can around here, I try to cope with the pain (no meds John...I wish I had them! I'd be able to do stuff at least, like pull up my underwear! And do NOT tell me to go commando young man! ) but it doesn't seem like that's enough. I don't want to exist. I want to live, to live like I used to live, to do what I used to do, and to really enjoy life again. Seems so far away right now.

But hey, how about them Red Sox?!

No problem. There are really friendly people on here. Much friendlier than other forums I won't mention :)

I'm just kinda peeved, as just because you're not some drug addict with six children, that loan companies won't lend you any money. Maybe you could go to Citizens Advice Bureaux. I got myself this really adamant therapist, once. He used to write letters to certain companies and to my dr, explaining that he'd take them to court, if they didn't take my situation seriously. It's hard to find a therapist that willing to help out, but hell, he was worth salt. He defended what he thought was right. He stuck up for me. Did a lot of stuff for me. I'd advise being selective when it comes to choosing one. I think he could tell I wasn't doing well. Glad you're not going to off yourself.

I am sorry about this hun..same thing happened to me as well about ten yrs ago but I wasn't in pain like you.

You pick yourself up..brush the dust off, move forward and never look back

I was jobless..broke..lost my new car..all my furniture and destroyed all my credit..

I now have a great job ..three credit cards with high lmits..a good credit line..RSP's and 2 newer vehicles..

its thinking positive and not focusing on what is..but what do you want?

Life IS what you make it

Good luck xoxo

It's a heartbreaker for sure, and anyone who has not been there can never really understand.

The worst part about it is not knowing how you got there and not knowing how to get out. It's a state of mind that in itself can be a hell and as your friends here are saying and I would agree, somehow the positive has got to take over the negitive that is wanting to pull you into a permanent state of worthlessness.

Sometimes it comes down to living that hour or that moment. That may sound dumb, but if you are not thinking about tomorrow or yesterday but living right now, you might see something pretty special.

One, you live in paradise. It may look like a garage, but it's so much nicer than a hut with a dirt floor. And, it's in one of the prettiest towns in the world, in one of the coolest states in the US.

Second, there are people around you right? Sometimes just hearing people doing their thing can be a comfort because you can feel life.

Third, your on-line and being on-line is so much better than being alone. You might not get the answers you want and some may not understand your unique situation, and it may be a time waster at times but it is a place to go to. A place where there are people to respond to you. It's also a place where you can share without having to worry about gossip, because if they do you can simply turn them off.

Forth, as hard as it might be try to do what Leigh was talking about and others who are saying get involved in anything constructive at least a little every day if you can. When you spend even a little time in depression it can suck you in. And if it does suck you in you will start to defend it, then you will think you need it.

Fifth, see what John said. Anything that even looks like a habbit can be gone. This is a great time for cleaning up bad habbits and developing good ones. You probably already have a ton of good ones and if you can take this time to enjoy them (even if it is for a moment) do it.

Man I'm thinking of a list that goes on and on and maybe that's the point. It's that step by step, moment by moment of living that can begin the thinking process back to a place of happiness. It doesn't have to be happiness on a big scale either or getting back your old life. It can be as simple as being thrilled about taking that space you have and making it home and finding some really easy things to start doing that bring you up. You probably have made it home and should.

Also you absolutely can't feel guilty about being down. In todays world most of us have either been there, or are there or one step away. And you've heard "it can happen to anyone" well it can and does, and many of us are on here because we are in situations where we are not feeling complete, or quite frankly have no pot to you know what in.

Let me encourage you. You are more capable than you give yourself credit for. The body mind and spirit are amazing and we can do things we never thought we could if we find that "thing" in us that pushes that button.

There are miracles available to us that we never knew existed till we are faced with the impossible. I say this with all my heart, and believe it every day I can, and the days I don't, well those days I'm learning to not feel guilty about.

Well I don't know if this was for you or me but it sure felt good.

I hope today there is something that happens in your life that is a blessing, and I want to thank you for sharing your life with us (me) cause for myself at least, I feel a little less alone.

Thanks for the moral support Rawr and Candi.

Mg...Let me first thank you for taking the time to write all that! On here you're lucky to get a one liner for a response so to actually spend the time to share your wise words...well I'm touched.

I value your advice highly. You've always seemed like an intelligent compassionate individual from your posts I've read, no matter the subject. Your contributions in the forums garner much respect, and not just from me either as I'm sure you've been told. We've both been around here for a long time so I kinda feel like I know many of you guys (and girls) even though we've never met. Having 'friends' like this, whether on-line or in real life, is truly one of my many blessings!

No matter how bad things seem, I try to concentrate on how lucky I am because there are so many out there who suffer much more than I. Soldiers get limbs blown off fighting for our country and they learn to overcome. People in third world countries struggle just to find enough food to survive and clean water to drink. Garage or not, I am living in the lap of luxury compared to so many on this planet. It doesn't make my physical pain any less, but it sure reminds me that even at my worst, life is good.

Having said that, I know all too well that depression is a vicious monster that drains the life out of you if you let it. I am lucky to have gained much knowledge on matters of the mind through both my education (BS in biobehavioral psychology) and my work experience (10 yrs as a 911 operator). Unfortunately understanding the intricacies of the brain doesn't help in trying to figure out how to fix disc problems in my back, but it sure does help coping with the mental issues that have resulted due to the physical ailment. Knowledge is power, so I'm a leg up in that department at least.

Ya know I truly believe that stuff happens for a reason. Perhaps this experience has a purpose in that I've worked hard my whole life, never been taken care of by anyone (other than my parents as a child but of course or I wouldn't be here today!), and maybe this is my time to just enjoy life and do things I couldn't do when I was working all the time. I raised my son as a single mom. I supported us best I could and contributed much to society, saving lives and helping people for ten years at 911. I put my dreams aside for the benefit of others and I thought that was the right thing to do, that it was enough. Maybe this is my time, maybe this injury is fate's way of making me see that I deserve a break and to teach me to accept help instead of giving it.

I love to write, (as y'all can plainly see! ) so I've been thinking that maybe this is the path to my dream of becoming an author. I have all this free time and why shouldn't I pursue my dream of writing? Maybe it's time to see the writing on the wall, so to speak, pun intended!

I don't know. I shall figure this out or die trying. Until then, I shall remain grateful for my many blessings and try to take your advice and focus on the moment. So thank you again MG for sharing your thoughts and reading mine. You never know the people you touch by your words or actions. I am ever so grateful to you, and the others, for the support.

I shall wrap this up (finally!! ) with one of my favorite quotes, this one by Ralph Waldo Emerson... one that perhaps you can use in your life too.

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

a nice quote

I think writing is a good thing too. Sometimes when I'm writing I fall into a world of observation that takes me deeper than I would normally go. There's a freedom within the words and a history in the making that somehow we write on the wall of our life and others minds.

What would we be without James Taylor's "fire and rain" for example. And what would we be without the collective hearts of each other.

I've said this before and really mean it. There is something about mingle.

I've seen the ups and downs and been through them myself. I've seen the comes and goes and have been on both sides. Sometimes Mingle for me is like laying on the couch and letting go. The things I can talk about are endless, and the people are on their computers trying to make their point as much as I am. This part to me is magic and when I take the time to truly listen I learn so much. They may not understand where I'm coming from or I them and most of the time that doesn't even mater. What does, is that there is a soul on the other side of that thread. Someone who is putting my words in their mind and giving me words for mine.

Remarkable how we are getting to know each other on here, and maybe it's not the whole picture but it is enough of one, many times. It's enough to know that we are not alone, and that alone can save us in the most dire of days. We come here on days we're thinking as clear as a bell and other times when we can barely put our thoughts together. Days where we swim 20 laps and days we can barely move. At the bottom and at the top. Days when we get "too mingled" and days where we can't get enough.

And a lot of times, days that we can share our strength with others, and pull from them when we are weak. Some of the people on here that the "world would call" weak have been some of the strongest in my book and who have changed my life just through reading them. They have the courage to share life the way it truly is for them. For someone like me, those writers will never know how deeply moved I am by their courage, experiences and testimonies.

:)

Agreed! Well said.

I have learned much from many of the fine people here. Even if I don't respond all that often, or I've never talked one on one with them, I still read the topics and can get a good sense of the type of people they are by their responses. The people that are consistently responsible and kind, thoughtful and intelligent, it just shows through in not just their words, but in their honesty and the way they present their ideas and experiences. I obviously don't agree with everyone on every subject, but I respect people for their opinions and sharing them with us.

Mingle is sorta like my shrink, except here I can get a really good laugh when I need it, and I get the benefit of advice from a variety of people, not just one. And ya can't beat the price!