Can anyone boast of ten years lie-free relationship? That means no lie to your partner?

Doubt it very much.
Question is whether that is a bad thing or not. I believe not. Just depends what the lies are about.

smart answer!.But are there good lies and bad lies in a relationship?

Absolutely! It just depends what the lies are about. If you lie about being a cheater for instance ...
But what if you had this one time thing that just happened cos of whatever? And knowing it will never ever happen again, but if you tell your partner, it will jeopardize your relationship?
Sometimes it's better to not tell, provided you really are not going to do it again.

ANd there's a gazillion more reasons. Also when you got children it's sometimes difficult. Sometimes a child confides in you and does ask you do not tell the other parent. Then you have to decide to either betray your child's confidence and trust or possibly lie to your partner ....

It ain't black and white. Lying is not necessarily bad.

"lying is not necessarily bad"thats outrageous assertion.I just hope kids arent here learning this 'new moral'.If i have any gut to cheat,i must have the gut to confess my fault to my partner no matter the consequence or action she might take.I would have greater liberty and peace of mind before God and her,than the ignoble secrecy to keep the relationship based on deception,lies,hypocrisy and pretence

I'm afraid I cant :(

Ah, you're a religious erm ... person. HEnce the black & white thinking.
So let's say you had a partner and your anniversary was coming up. You took the day of to go shopping for a pressie and she doesn't know about it, she's at work. You spent the entire morning at the mall, get home and oops! The missus came home early from work and asks you why you are home and not at work. Where have you been and what have you been doing?

Your answer? You're going to spoil the surprise?
And what if you don't, you tell her a white lie to not spoil the surprise. would that be bad? Make you a hypocrite, nasty person?

I agree with this. Lies benefit no one, whether one considers it a "white" lie or a "black" lie, A LIE IS A LIE.

Great lectures from you!.So there is a "white and black lies"? Could you please give me the comparative analysis,merits and demerits of white and black lies.Crystalfairly refers pls

I don't mean to lecture, no need for that. I think I already answered your questions with my views and examples.
I think a black lie could be defined as lying about something that you know and feel yourself was wrong and possibly hurtful to someone else.
Meaning it depends on your own norms and values and these are generally defined by culture (macro culture). More specifically defined by the way you were raised (micro culture).

Again, it isn't black and white. Read the example of the kid for instance. Don't know if you got kids yourself. But I've been there where you have to choose between betraying your own child's confidence (which can also be harmful) and telling my partner (in my last relationship my partner but NOT their father, making things even more difficult).

And I don't mean to lecture. If you believe it's wrong regardless, fair enough. I don't believe in black & white.

Everybody lies. If they say they don't, they're lying!

People lie for a variety of reasons. Mostly it's because they're afraid to face the consequences of their actions. Simple as that.

I find it funny that somebody thinks it's acceptable to lie about cheating on their partner because they don't want to hurt them or risk losing them. Well Einstein, perhaps you should have thought about that before cheating on them and you wouldn't need to lie about it!

I personally see no reason to lie, not even 'white lies'. For example:

I ask my boyfriend "Does this dress make my arse look fat?".

I don't want to hear the honest truth, "Like a damn tank!"

But I also don't want him to lie and say "No baby, you look hot!" ...when I actually look like a tank.

The correct answer would be "I like that little black dress you have better." No lie, no hurt feelings, you just need a little tact to tell the truth in most circumstances to avoid the 'white lies'. It isn't always easy, but it's always better to tell the truth no matter what. Lying is just plain wrong. Period!

Right... I think the more likely thing to happen is this:
girl coming down like a ton of bricks on the guy, as he didn't answer the question and his suggestion of the other dress means her *** IS big. He'll have to twist and turn as the woman will demand to know whether he thinks her *** is big. And he'll have no choice than to say he loves her ***, otherwise he'll be stuck with a woman who's sulking and angry for days on end.
Meaning the woman forced him to lie in the end, just to keep her happy.
Kind of like "I don't think you're fat, you're just a whole lot of woman"
You call it tactful, basically it's lying. He does think you're fat, he just doesn't want to say it to your face, not even when asked (which IS lying). He might not mind you being fat, but he still knows, sees and thinks your fat. But he'll never tell you.

The question about cheating and "would you tell your partner" (if it was a one time thing) has been in magazines and ppl's answers are divers and actually very interesting.
It's nice and comforting to think black and white, but how about being realistic and think out of your own comfort-zone. Might give a bit more insight in life, the universe and everything.

Geez. I gave one example of using a little tact to prevent yourself from lying and you go off on a tangent about what would happen next. I would rather have my man tell me the truth and say "Yes, your arse looks big in that dress" than lie to me just to not hurt my feelings. If I get mad, it's my fault for asking the damn question. You know what they say...don't ask a question if you're not prepared to hear the truth! I'm not forcing him to lie by asking a question. You can't make someone lie. They choose to do that all by themselves and I don't care what your excuse is, lying is wrong. Sugarcoat it however you want, make whatever excuse you want to justify your lie, but it's still just as wrong in the end. The truth is best.

As for the cheating scenario...a one time thing? Really? Let me guess, it 'just happened'. "Sorry honey, I was just walking along and fell on that guy's manstick. I didn't even see it 'til it was too late!" C'mon now. The reality is that if you cheat, of course you have no compunction in lying about it. You don't value your partner and YOU don't want to get hurt by telling the truth. It has nothing to do with not hurting your partner. If that was your main concern, you wouldn't have cheated in the first place. The decent thing to do would be tell them the truth and face the consequences. They either forgive you or they don't. My advice would be just don't cheat and you don't have to worry about whether to lie about it or not. Problem solved.

And trust me, I see the universe. Unfortunately I don't like what I see these days...people making excuses for bad behavior all day long every day. Doesn't make the behavior any less bad just because it's become the norm. I'll live in my black and white world where cheating and lying are just wrong, thank you very much. You can cheat and lie all you want. No skin off my back. Good luck with that!

hi

We all have to live with our own consciences, that is, if we have one. I totally agree with you Mswright!

So did I ... and next thing I know I'm being accused of lying and cheating.

I actually gave more than one example, yet everyone chooses to pick on cheating and automatically ascribe that behaviour to me.
Fair enough if you don't agree with me and/or don't see the point I'm trying to make here, but please leave it at that.

Good suggestion! Why don't you do the same?

I don't care who you are, everyone lies. BUT there is a time to lie and a time to come clean and just be honest. I don't think everything is black and white because lets be honest, if you are in a relationship and your mate says...are you upset with me? If you are but you don't want to talk right then, you are going to say something like...it is nothing you did, I am just having a bad day.
Every relationship I have been in, I have never cheated BUT if I wanted to..I would end the relationship first and then go out with the other person. I know how hard it is to find out that your mate has been cheating on you and everyone knows but you.
SO NO I DO NOT THINK YOU CAN BE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOT LIE!!!
IF YOU SAID YOU CAN...YOU ARE A GOOD LIAR!!!

I didn't accuse you of cheating or lying. Re-read my post please. I said "You can cheat and lie all you want..." I used you as in the general you, you who feels it's okay to cheat or lie, not you as in you personally. If you took it as a personal assault, perhaps you're feeling a wee bit guilty of something? But I shall do better in the future to clarify such matters nevertheless. My apology.

And if it makes you feel better, I personally don't think any of your examples have merit to excuse lying. I chose to comment on the cheating thing because it's much more absurd than the other two examples you gave. So I'll address those too just for good measure if it makes ya feel better.

Child tells you* something in confidence, says don't tell dad. You* either need to tell them that you* don't lie to people you* love, if dad asks you* directly you*'ll have to tell him, or if you* feel like that would be deterring your* child from sharing things in confidence with you*, you* can tell dad if he asks that your* child shared something with you* in confidence and he'll have to trust you* that you*'ll handle it appropriately. If you* have no history of lying, he will trust you*. If he demands to know, you* can tell him to go ask the child. The child will have to lie if they choose to do so. You* don't have to lie. No reason to lie to either of them. You* choose to lie and that's your* choice. (*You in the general sense...not you personally)


Next, and to save aggravation, I'm foregoing the astericks after every you or your. From here on out you means you in the general sense....

You go shopping for wife for anniversary in secret. She busts you home and wants to know where you've been and such. Why couldn't you just say "I had some shopping to do. I left work a little early."? If she asks "well what did you buy?", I'd reply "If you really must know, I'll tell you but I was hoping it would be a surprise." If she pushes the issue, you whip out your present and say "Surprise! Happy anniversary baby!". I'm sure she'd rather have honesty in her marriage than some surprise anniversary gift. You don't have to lie about things. You CHOOSE to lie for whatever reason. I see no good reason but that's just me.

Hope that clears up any misunderstandings.