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| Topic: Taking a poll... | |
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But seriously.
If that's the way it's always been, nuthin' could be foul. If making distance and time with the buds is new, he might be out fishing fer new tuna. |
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When I was married and my ex would go out with her friends I would tell her to have fun and call me if she needed me to drive her and her friends home or if it was an emergency. She would say the same to me when I went out with the fellas. Hell...I used to like those nights she would go out with the ladies cause that was when the house and the remote were all mine and I could have hookers over.
 
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time limits, no time limits, wtf is wrong with the world today? if two people are in a committed relationship, what is so hard about being considerate of the other person? as an adult, you should be allowed freedom, but not be without discipline. why can't one person tell the other person their intentions and then be considerate. "honey, i'll be with some friends and should be home around 3am". at 2:30 when it's obvious you won't make it home by 3, a courtesy call should be made. "honey, looks like i may be home by noon tomorrow". i guarantee i guarantee communication works in relationships (bulldog double guarantee - patent pending) I agree with ESE 
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When I was married and my ex would go out with her friends I would tell her to have fun and call me if she needed me to drive her and her friends home or if it was an emergency. She would say the same to me when I went out with the fellas. Hell...I used to like those nights she would go out with the ladies cause that was when the house and the remote were all mine and I could have hookers over.
Oh Puhlease, who do you think you're kidding dear.  You were watching Lifetime movies and you KNOW IT. 
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@ Eileen...I get you honey...Trust and courtesy are two separate issues....Relationship parameters are unique to the people involved and are usually established over time...If it was completely out of character (happening for the first time), after I loved him ALL OVER for an hour or two because I was so relieved to learn that he was OK, I would probable verbally kick his azz into next week for making me worry...I like the saying "What's good for the goose is good for the gander", but I also like the saying "Two wrongs don't make a right"...If the "buddy" time was happening regularly and without explanation, I would take myself out of the situation....I think it's safe to say most couples need a certain amount of anonymity from time to time, but trust in a relationship is not established by being inconsiderate or secretive...
well said |
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I disagree wtih motown I think calling to give your partner an idea of where you are and when to expect you is a responsible choice that shows consideration. I'd be concerned about the maturity level of someone who chafes at touching base to let me know what's up. Actually I would not date someone who has a bad attitude about that to begin with. I would certainly do that if the shoe was on the other foot. Something is seriously wrong with the relationship if you have a problem behaving with manners and consideration toward your partner I think couples should go out together anyway. Men who insist on their boy's nights are usually pretty immature...or up to no good. IME it's usually the latter. For long long time kimosabe have I been the single chick ya been hittin' on when your out without Wilma can't fool and old fool :) I disagree. Calling and checking in because the other person worries, is impatient or gets jealous world get old quickly. It's not immature to go out with your friends once in a while without the other person. yes it is immature - especially to chafe at the idea like a spolied child We'll have to agree to disagree. I still get together with my friends whether I'm dating someone or not. I don't feel that's immature in any way, so I wouldn't feel he's being immature when doing the same. I actually think its pretty healthy to keep up friendships when dating. I never want to be that person who only spends time with my boyfriend and no one else. This is so true. My friend has been married 27 years. He goes out with his friends and his wife goes out with her friends. Neither one calls when they are out or checks up on the other one. They are still happily married because they do give each other that freedom and they trust each other. well first there's a difference between dating and being in a realtionship. if you are just dating someone their whereabouts when not with you are really none of ur biznizz. But if he flakes on plans that is a red flag. If he causes you to worry with erratic behavior (once you are in a relationship) that is also a red flag. As leigh said the issue is not trust, it is consideration. if someone really cares they will be considerate. if the parameters are known I would not expect a call, but if something unusual happens - especially if we have plans - I would like to know so that I can modify my own schedule as needed. Anything else is immature lack of consideration. Actually most male friends I had when I was married did call their spouses, for a variety of reasons, when they were visiting my ex. usually they were fixing cars or something and running late. I have never met one decent man who has a problem with this, so I would not trust or be interested in the ones that do. It is certainly something that I would do NOT to check up on anyone, but as a courtesy. therefore I'd prefer someone who shares that value. there. that's me rant for t'day lol 
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I still believe that this is a trust and insecurity issue Maybe the lady sitting at home waiting should go find her own friends and things to do or a new man who is more attentive and considerate......lol (seriously) yes there are times that separate outings are a great idea, but a couple needs a lot of time together to build intimacy if things are going to work out. I can trust a guy if he deserves it, but that doesn;t mean he is going to be courteous or considerate - even if he is not cheating on me, I would not continue to date a discourteous person it has absolutely nothing to do with insecurity or trust and everything to do with self respect, mutual respect, and mature adult behavior |
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If this were a regular occurrence, I would consider it a discourtesy for certain, but would need more reasons than getting carried away with his friends to doubt his honesty or fidelity. Personally, I would not care for the situation, but would rather just assume he was going on an all nighter every time he goes out with these particular friends, than make it a battle between us...ie, cancel our plans and plan my own girls night, and let him know I'll refuse to make plans involving him on these days because I can't depend on him to keep them. 
Now if these are benders that result in drunk driving...he'd best armor up. 
if it was a regular occurrence would you stay? I am not sure I would. I would prefer someone who has a similar idea to my own. I know I have put up with a "flaker" before and it was not a pleasant experience. it took me awhile to realize I needed to end things. I also want someone with similar ideas as my own, but if this were one of few things we did not agree on, it's not something that would chase me off. So, if our relationship is strong otherwise, then this would be a compromise for me, because I would not care for it, but would accept it. Now, if he smells like perfume or sex when he climbs into bed after being out with the boys, it's a whole other story. 
right....the circumstances or parameters as I referred to it before as defintely important. I could handle a few sporadic occurences if it wasn't his habit as I tend to let the time get away from me also sometimes ( a lot actually..lol). but if I have plans with someone I am very good about staying in contact. I'm also real flexible when plans change. But I am not that understanding when kept waiting needlessly, as an honest reflection. To be honest with myself and a potential partner....it would be best if we were on the same page because it's kind of a pet peeve of mine. There are other things I could "accept." I am not sure this is one of them tho |
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I disagree wtih motown I think calling to give your partner an idea of where you are and when to expect you is a responsible choice that shows consideration. I'd be concerned about the maturity level of someone who chafes at touching base to let me know what's up. Actually I would not date someone who has a bad attitude about that to begin with. I would certainly do that if the shoe was on the other foot. Something is seriously wrong with the relationship if you have a problem behaving with manners and consideration toward your partner I think couples should go out together anyway. Men who insist on their boy's nights are usually pretty immature...or up to no good. IME it's usually the latter. For long long time kimosabe have I been the single chick ya been hittin' on when your out without Wilma can't fool and old fool :) I disagree. Calling and checking in because the other person worries, is impatient or gets jealous world get old quickly. It's not immature to go out with your friends once in a while without the other person. yes it is immature - especially to chafe at the idea like a spolied child We'll have to agree to disagree. I still get together with my friends whether I'm dating someone or not. I don't feel that's immature in any way, so I wouldn't feel he's being immature when doing the same. I actually think its pretty healthy to keep up friendships when dating. I never want to be that person who only spends time with my boyfriend and no one else. This is so true. My friend has been married 27 years. He goes out with his friends and his wife goes out with her friends. Neither one calls when they are out or checks up on the other one. They are still happily married because they do give each other that freedom and they trust each other. It makes me happy to hear there are couples out there who trust each other and still keep seeing friends. I think it becomes a problem when they start not wanting the other to go out without them. When you're part if a couple, you're still two people. It's healthy to have a life. |
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I still believe that this is a trust and insecurity issue Maybe the lady sitting at home waiting should go find her own friends and things to do Yes, this is what it sounds like. |
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When I first put "sitting at home" I didn't mean that you shouldn't have time apart or time to spend out with other friends, I meant they tell you they are going out to lunch but you BOTH have plans to go out- together- later, and they stay out until 3am so that either you have to cancel the plans or go and make excuses as to why your partner flaked and changed their plans.
I thought that "lunch" time was from, say, 11am to 5 pm... Not 11am to 2am. And yes, consideration is a BIG part of a relationship, in my opinion, so if plans are for longer than lunch, text/call/smoke signals (whatever lol) is not out a form of controlling but is a sign of RESPECT to your partner. |
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When you are in a committed relationship and get asked to go out with "buddies" for lunch/hanging out, (without your partner) how long is an acceptable amount of time before sitting home and waiting starts to bug you/them? Depends... Did He and I have plans and he's late? otherwise, it wouldn't bug me at all. |
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When I was married and my ex would go out with her friends I would tell her to have fun and call me if she needed me to drive her and her friends home or if it was an emergency. She would say the same to me when I went out with the fellas. Hell...I used to like those nights she would go out with the ladies cause that was when the house and the remote were all mine and I could have hookers over.
Oh Puhlease, who do you think you're kidding dear. You were watching Lifetime movies and you KNOW IT.
I can't lie. Those cheesy love stories get me every time.
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Edited by
Candiapples
on
Fri 08/16/13 06:15 PM
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When I first put "sitting at home" I didn't mean that you shouldn't have time apart or time to spend out with other friends, I meant they tell you they are going out to lunch but you BOTH have plans to go out- together- later, and they stay out until 3am so that either you have to cancel the plans or go and make excuses as to why your partner flaked and changed their plans. I thought that "lunch" time was from, say, 11am to 5 pm... Not 11am to 2am. And yes, consideration is a BIG part of a relationship, in my opinion, so if plans are for longer than lunch, text/call/smoke signals (whatever lol) is not out a form of controlling but is a sign of RESPECT to your partner. I don't think anyone should put up with that |
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I disagree wtih motown I think calling to give your partner an idea of where you are and when to expect you is a responsible choice that shows consideration. I'd be concerned about the maturity level of someone who chafes at touching base to let me know what's up. Actually I would not date someone who has a bad attitude about that to begin with. I would certainly do that if the shoe was on the other foot. Something is seriously wrong with the relationship if you have a problem behaving with manners and consideration toward your partner I think couples should go out together anyway. Men who insist on their boy's nights are usually pretty immature...or up to no good. IME it's usually the latter. For long long time kimosabe have I been the single chick ya been hittin' on when your out without Wilma can't fool and old fool :) I disagree. Calling and checking in because the other person worries, is impatient or gets jealous world get old quickly. It's not immature to go out with your friends once in a while without the other person. yes it is immature - especially to chafe at the idea like a spolied child We'll have to agree to disagree. I still get together with my friends whether I'm dating someone or not. I don't feel that's immature in any way, so I wouldn't feel he's being immature when doing the same. I actually think its pretty healthy to keep up friendships when dating. I never want to be that person who only spends time with my boyfriend and no one else. This is so true. My friend has been married 27 years. He goes out with his friends and his wife goes out with her friends. Neither one calls when they are out or checks up on the other one. They are still happily married because they do give each other that freedom and they trust each other. It makes me happy to hear there are couples out there who trust each other and still keep seeing friends. I think it becomes a problem when they start not wanting the other to go out without them. When you're part if a couple, you're still two people. It's healthy to have a life. actually I think the downhill slide in my 20 year marriage is when I started to prefer that he go out without me and stopped caring what time, or if he got home, and I usually went places without him with my own friends...out marriage worked great when we pal' d around together all the time.... insecurity and trust had nothing to do with it |
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I disagree wtih motown I think calling to give your partner an idea of where you are and when to expect you is a responsible choice that shows consideration. I'd be concerned about the maturity level of someone who chafes at touching base to let me know what's up. Actually I would not date someone who has a bad attitude about that to begin with. I would certainly do that if the shoe was on the other foot. Something is seriously wrong with the relationship if you have a problem behaving with manners and consideration toward your partner I think couples should go out together anyway. Men who insist on their boy's nights are usually pretty immature...or up to no good. IME it's usually the latter. For long long time kimosabe have I been the single chick ya been hittin' on when your out without Wilma can't fool and old fool :) I disagree. Calling and checking in because the other person worries, is impatient or gets jealous world get old quickly. It's not immature to go out with your friends once in a while without the other person. yes it is immature - especially to chafe at the idea like a spolied child We'll have to agree to disagree. I still get together with my friends whether I'm dating someone or not. I don't feel that's immature in any way, so I wouldn't feel he's being immature when doing the same. I actually think its pretty healthy to keep up friendships when dating. I never want to be that person who only spends time with my boyfriend and no one else. This is so true. My friend has been married 27 years. He goes out with his friends and his wife goes out with her friends. Neither one calls when they are out or checks up on the other one. They are still happily married because they do give each other that freedom and they trust each other. It makes me happy to hear there are couples out there who trust each other and still keep seeing friends. I think it becomes a problem when they start not wanting the other to go out without them. When you're part if a couple, you're still two people. It's healthy to have a life. This is so true and this is probably why they are still married and probably will never divorce. |
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When you are in a committed relationship and get asked to go out with "buddies" for lunch/hanging out, (without your partner) how long is an acceptable amount of time before sitting home and waiting starts to bug you/them? Depends... Did He and I have plans and he's late? otherwise, it wouldn't bug me at all. I agree. If you made plans; that is a whole different situation but other than that; the only time I would want a guy to call is if he is too drunk to drive; other than that I leave him have his fun. |
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it's easy to speculate but I think few really know what they would do unless they had been married or a relationship long term with a similar commitment.
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When I was married and my ex would go out with her friends I would tell her to have fun and call me if she needed me to drive her and her friends home or if it was an emergency. She would say the same to me when I went out with the fellas. Hell...I used to like those nights she would go out with the ladies cause that was when the house and the remote were all mine and I could have hookers over.
Oh Puhlease, who do you think you're kidding dear. You were watching Lifetime movies and you KNOW IT.
I can't lie. Those cheesy love stories get me every time.
I think they get you something!  I think most women think of every romantic gesture their man ever made. So, he's gonna get a replay of the night he brought her flowers two months ago....compliments of Lifetime. 
It's really nice that you two were really there for each other like that. I like to think that's what people do when they care about one another. Awwww!
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Pretty muck like majority everyone is saying it's all about trust maybe not so much because if you have even 1 ounce of a doubt then you mise well don't be together. I know I wouldn't' care because Im not a jealous guy especially if we're just dating and not married.
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