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| Topic: The Stigma Of The Never-Married Man | |
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someone who hasnt been with anyone for more than 6 months, for instance , at the age of 40 i would think has expectations set too high (for someone as imperfect as me to suit them anyhow), or just is happier by themself May I also add that some of us had a career in which we weren't home for more than 6 months at a time. Just saying...... 
There are many couples married, where one is away for Long periods of time, like in the Military. Yes this is true; but when you are away so much that you don't even get a chance to know a person; it can hardly lead to marriage if you can't even keep a relationship together. actually those active duty military marriages have a pretty high divorce rate I believe yeah, it does make it harder to keep it together, no doubt BUT, that being said,, its still an effort,,,and (for me) those who havent made that effort, those who have lived 'single' for 40 or more years,, are gonna have a hard time living any other way, compromising, or any of the other number of things we learn to do when we make commitments to another person just my opinion |
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That makes absolutely no sense to me...The effort is wasted if in the long-run the plan doesn't come to fruition. Kind of like putting a lot of work into a painting that you're just going to burn. Couples that go into a Marriage, don't go into it looking to get a divorce. Often time circumstances change and leads to a divorce. If you don't take that Step, you never would know if it would lead to divorce or Not. Over 60%? That is more than half the marriages today, ending in an average of five years time. Look at it this way: If you wish to build something, and half-way through you decide to knock it down, you accomplished nothing and failed at building it...How in the world does that not translate to a relationship? Pretty sure I know the answer anyway, either way, there is nothing good about divorce...And divorce is just another word for failed. as with many things it really takes experience to speak ably but I do not wish to explain...I am of the school that best trusts the opinions of expereince and appreciates the ideas, thoughts and emotions of the rest...with you I'd take your opinion as word point for point on weed and driving any day of the week ... lol Ego. smooches I just don't believe my observations are wrong...But as we all know, my glasses are far from rose-tinted. of course you think you are right. we are led to believe in ourselves with sincerity. I would never think, knowing you as I do from here, that you were not sincere in your beliefs. I also think there is a lot of truth to much of what you say rose tinted glasses? what are those? .... geez these over privleged white boyz...... I never had rose tinted glasses as an option, Fear |
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Edited by
navygirl
on
Fri 06/21/13 08:17 PM
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someone who hasnt been with anyone for more than 6 months, for instance , at the age of 40 i would think has expectations set too high (for someone as imperfect as me to suit them anyhow), or just is happier by themself May I also add that some of us had a career in which we weren't home for more than 6 months at a time. Just saying......
There are many couples married, where one is away for Long periods of time, like in the Military. Yes this is true; but when you are away so much that you don't even get a chance to know a person; it can hardly lead to marriage if you can't even keep a relationship together. actually those active duty military marriages have a pretty high divorce rate I believe yeah, it does make it harder to keep it together, no doubt BUT, that being said,, its still an effort,,,and (for me) those who havent made that effort, those who have lived 'single' for 40 or more years,, are gonna have a hard time living any other way, compromising, or any of the other number of things we learn to do when we make commitments to another person just my opinion I agree about making the effort but what do you do when no one is attracted to you? I have never had the looks or the body to keep any man's interest. My male friends are in the same boat and are all approaching their 40s. We can't even get a person to love us; let alone get married. I met guys but as soon as a beautiful women comes along; I get dumped. Sorry; its not my fault I am not pretty; I am just an average gal and men want beauty not average no matter how much they BS that they want the latter. Not all of us are pretty like you MS Harmony. I am not saying your looks got you married but it helps attract a man and if you can't attract a man with looks; he won't give you the time of day. Its the way of the world.
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That makes absolutely no sense to me...The effort is wasted if in the long-run the plan doesn't come to fruition. Kind of like putting a lot of work into a painting that you're just going to burn. Couples that go into a Marriage, don't go into it looking to get a divorce. Often time circumstances change and leads to a divorce. If you don't take that Step, you never would know if it would lead to divorce or Not. Over 60%? That is more than half the marriages today, ending in an average of five years time. Look at it this way: If you wish to build something, and half-way through you decide to knock it down, you accomplished nothing and failed at building it...How in the world does that not translate to a relationship? Pretty sure I know the answer anyway, either way, there is nothing good about divorce...And divorce is just another word for failed. as with many things it really takes experience to speak ably but I do not wish to explain...I am of the school that best trusts the opinions of expereince and appreciates the ideas, thoughts and emotions of the rest...with you I'd take your opinion as word point for point on weed and driving any day of the week ... lol Ego. smooches I just don't believe my observations are wrong...But as we all know, my glasses are far from rose-tinted. of course you think you are right. we are led to believe in ourselves with sincerity. I would never think, knowing you as I do from here, that you were not sincere in your beliefs. I also think there is a lot of truth to much of what you say rose tinted glasses? what are those? .... geez these over privleged white boyz...... I never had rose tinted glasses as an option, Fear Over privileged white boy? Hah, alright...Tah. |
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A 40 year old man who has never been married... mmmmm what questions would go through (most) people's minds? I can only speak for myself. Here are some ideas... I jest of course. 1. He is shy and does not know how to approach women and can't stand rejection. (I consider that to be a social dysfunction and lack of confidence, but it can be dealt with and corrected.) 2. He is a Mama's boy. (He still lives with his mother and can't bare the thought of leaving home.) (another social dysfunction) 3. He's gay and still in the closet. 4. He is a functioning alcoholic or an addict, and has been since young adulthood. 5. He prefers young boys. 6. He has deep dark secrets that are illegal or he is ashamed of, and he refuses to get close to anyone. 7. His sexual needs are taken care of by a blow up doll or some other way, and he doesn't really like real women who talk back. Note: Guys: Don't blame not having enough money, not being good looking, or not being charming enough, because there is some woman out there who wants YOU and they don't care about any of that. Or maybe they just never met anyone that they wanted to marry. Sometimes you just can't make the right connection no matter how hard you try and I speak this from my own experience. Some of us were just not meant to every marry. If a person just wants to marry, they will find someone. It may not be the right person... but if all you want to do is marry, it does not matter. That is why there are so many divorces I guess. Some people are happier alone. Nothing at all wrong with that. As far as "not being meant to marry" that sounds too much like fate. Meant by whom? I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe if a person wants something bad enough, they can make it happen and it is up to them to make it happen. There is no predetermined destiny not to marry, unless they themselves or their subconscious really does not want to marry. |
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A 40 year old man who has never been married... mmmmm what questions would go through (most) people's minds? I can only speak for myself. Here are some ideas... I jest of course. 1. He is shy and does not know how to approach women and can't stand rejection. (I consider that to be a social dysfunction and lack of confidence, but it can be dealt with and corrected.) 2. He is a Mama's boy. (He still lives with his mother and can't bare the thought of leaving home.) (another social dysfunction) 3. He's gay and still in the closet. 4. He is a functioning alcoholic or an addict, and has been since young adulthood. 5. He prefers young boys. 6. He has deep dark secrets that are illegal or he is ashamed of, and he refuses to get close to anyone. 7. His sexual needs are taken care of by a blow up doll or some other way, and he doesn't really like real women who talk back. Note: Guys: Don't blame not having enough money, not being good looking, or not being charming enough, because there is some woman out there who wants YOU and they don't care about any of that. Or maybe they just never met anyone that they wanted to marry. Sometimes you just can't make the right connection no matter how hard you try and I speak this from my own experience. Some of us were just not meant to every marry. If a person just wants to marry, they will find someone. It may not be the right person... but if all you want to do is marry, it does not matter. That is why there are so many divorces I guess. Some people are happier alone. Nothing at all wrong with that. As far as "not being meant to marry" that sounds too much like fate. Meant by whom? I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe if a person wants something bad enough, they can make it happen and it is up to them to make it happen. There is no predetermined destiny not to marry, unless they themselves or their subconscious really does not want to marry. I do believe in fate and destiny. I think its lined up for us when we are born and we can't change it no matter how hard we try. Who knows why fate has decided one will marry or win the lottery, or get that perfect job? Luck of the draw; hard work, or destiny/fate? If I could answer that; I would change my fate/destiny. As I said, I wasn't meant to marry. I wasn't pretty enough to attract a man so that was my fate to not marry. |
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Do you one better.... If anyone thinks he is acting improperly to the virgin he is engaged to, and she is getting along in years.... 40 year old virgins??? And why not? Romans 1:24,26-28
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A 40 year old man who has never been married... mmmmm what questions would go through (most) people's minds? I can only speak for myself. Here are some ideas... I jest of course. 1. He is shy and does not know how to approach women and can't stand rejection. (I consider that to be a social dysfunction and lack of confidence, but it can be dealt with and corrected.) 2. He is a Mama's boy. (He still lives with his mother and can't bare the thought of leaving home.) (another social dysfunction) 3. He's gay and still in the closet. 4. He is a functioning alcoholic or an addict, and has been since young adulthood. 5. He prefers young boys. 6. He has deep dark secrets that are illegal or he is ashamed of, and he refuses to get close to anyone. 7. His sexual needs are taken care of by a blow up doll or some other way, and he doesn't really like real women who talk back. Note: Guys: Don't blame not having enough money, not being good looking, or not being charming enough, because there is some woman out there who wants YOU and they don't care about any of that. Or maybe they just never met anyone that they wanted to marry. Sometimes you just can't make the right connection no matter how hard you try and I speak this from my own experience. Some of us were just not meant to every marry. If a person just wants to marry, they will find someone. It may not be the right person... but if all you want to do is marry, it does not matter. That is why there are so many divorces I guess. Some people are happier alone. Nothing at all wrong with that. As far as "not being meant to marry" that sounds too much like fate. Meant by whom? I don't believe in fate or destiny. I believe if a person wants something bad enough, they can make it happen and it is up to them to make it happen. There is no predetermined destiny not to marry, unless they themselves or their subconscious really does not want to marry. I do believe in fate and destiny. I think its lined up for us when we are born and we can't change it no matter how hard we try. Who knows why fate has decided one will marry or win the lottery, or get that perfect job? Luck of the draw; hard work, or destiny/fate? If I could answer that; I would change my fate/destiny. As I said, I wasn't meant to marry. I wasn't pretty enough to attract a man so that was my fate to not marry. In one respect I agree that this is true, and I sense there is a "higher self" (that is me or my subconscious being) who is in charge of my ego's destiny in this life that I may not know about. (I also believe in the possibility of incarnation and reincarnation.) But I think that ultimately the power over the details of your own life to a certain extent, except maybe your death, is in your own hands and that you (and your higher self)work together subconsciously. Your ego self may not be aware of a lot of this, but I trust my higher self, which is what I view as my "higher power." |
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Never been married has never caused me any stigmas.
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A 40 year old man who has never been married... mmmmm what questions would go through (most) people's minds? I can only speak for myself. Here are some ideas... I jest of course. 1. He is shy and does not know how to approach women and can't stand rejection. (I consider that to be a social dysfunction and lack of confidence, but it can be dealt with and corrected.) 2. He is a Mama's boy. (He still lives with his mother and can't bare the thought of leaving home.) (another social dysfunction) 3. He's gay and still in the closet. 4. He is a functioning alcoholic or an addict, and has been since young adulthood. 5. He prefers young boys. 6. He has deep dark secrets that are illegal or he is ashamed of, and he refuses to get close to anyone. 7. His sexual needs are taken care of by a blow up doll or some other way, and he doesn't really like real women who talk back. Note: Guys: Don't blame not having enough money, not being good looking, or not being charming enough, because there is some woman out there who wants YOU and they don't care about any of that. Or maybe they just never met anyone that they wanted to marry. Sometimes you just can't make the right connection no matter how hard you try and I speak this from my own experience. Some of us were just not meant to every marry. This is exactly what I was thinking, navygirl. Some reonsible men, also want o be established in thir career before getting married (and maybe starting a family). If you don't find someone you want to be with, there is no reason to get married. I also know that marriage is not for everyone. it is hard work. The article was an interesting read. I m always suspicious of the royal "they" of public opinion. I wonder who has been interviewed to gather the general views from. |
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I don't see anything wrong with placing the remaining years of MY ENTIRE LIFE above the water cooler opinions of others.
But I'm not aware that anyone has formed their opinion of me based on the fact that I didn't...JUST PICK SOMEONE ALREADY!  
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What about those who have been divorced?
I think that anyone who has never been married shows more sense then they getting themselves into failed relationships. I could have got married but opted out before I made the biggest mistake of my life. The irony is that she had been previously married and I could see why that failed. I hold my head up high for being wise enough for both not getting married simply to meet some expectation from my peers and because I never met a women who I'd want to marry. |
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What about those who have been divorced? I think that anyone who has never been married shows more sense then they getting themselves into failed relationships. I could have got married but opted out before I made the biggest mistake of my life. The irony is that she had been previously married and I could see why that failed. I hold my head up high for being wise enough for both not getting married simply to meet some expectation from my peers and because I never met a women who I'd want to marry. Yeah, I think sometimes we should heed those cold feet. 
To me marriage is the most important thing I'll ever do in my life, so it's not gonna hurt to spend a bit of time studying before the final exam. 
They used to say you should study 2 hours per credit hour. How many credit hours do you estimate forever and ever amen to be worth?
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I've never been married and have heard all the sayings that go along with this but who are really saying them. Some not all but some are trapped in loveless marriages or bitter divorces fighting over the kids or trying to even the score with each other. I chose to wait until I was ready and to find my one true love or soul mate. For myself I am only judged by one in this life. I don't judge people by their failures regarding marriage, being true, or being poor parents or even venturing out to young so please do not judge me.God bless all of us.
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A 40 year old man who has never been married... mmmmm what questions would go through (most) people's minds? I can only speak for myself. Here are some ideas... I jest of course. 1. He is shy and does not know how to approach women and can't stand rejection. (I consider that to be a social dysfunction and lack of confidence, but it can be dealt with and corrected.) 2. He is a Mama's boy. (He still lives with his mother and can't bare the thought of leaving home.) (another social dysfunction) 3. He's gay and still in the closet. 4. He is a functioning alcoholic or an addict, and has been since young adulthood. 5. He prefers young boys. 6. He has deep dark secrets that are illegal or he is ashamed of, and he refuses to get close to anyone. 7. His sexual needs are taken care of by a blow up doll or some other way, and he doesn't really like real women who talk back. Note: Guys: Don't blame not having enough money, not being good looking, or not being charming enough, because there is some woman out there who wants YOU and they don't care about any of that. Or maybe they just never met anyone that they wanted to marry. Sometimes you just can't make the right connection no matter how hard you try and I speak this from my own experience. Some of us were just not meant to every marry. This is exactly what I was thinking, navygirl. Some reonsible men, also want o be established in thir career before getting married (and maybe starting a family). If you don't find someone you want to be with, there is no reason to get married. I also know that marriage is not for everyone. it is hard work. The article was an interesting read. I m always suspicious of the royal "they" of public opinion. I wonder who has been interviewed to gather the general views from. They talk a portion of the population but for any accuracy; you would say have to take an entire State; or Province; or even the whole country. I live in a city of a million people and if only 100,000 people take a poll; how can they speak for the other 900,000? |
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So...We're expected to be divorced at 40? What an odd expectation... Maybe if men who married older, there would be less divorced you think? Certainly couldn't hurt...I just find it odd that anyone would expect someone to be divorced by a certain age. People are aware that divorce is a bad thing, correct? They're only expecting it of guys who are looking for someone new to date. Because if a guy over 40 is looking for dates, he's either married and cheating (unless it's an "open" marriage, but those are rare), a widower, or he's never been married. |
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My ex husband was with me 19 years and married 16 BUT we did not have children and people think that is even weirder. We made a choice not to have them. We had loads of fun. We spent all our money on comic books, computers, the stamp collection, more pets than Noah's ark, we had a condo near the beach, etc. It was great. But people say to him, "Oh you poor thing, couldn't Terri get pregnant"??? You know I applaud you and your ex for making a wise choice. So many couples have children just because that is expected of a married couple. They make lousy parents that can't provide them financially or emotionally. My parents were a prime example of that. In ten years with my ex-husband, we never had kids. It was a deliberate choice with us, too, for precisely that reason: We knew we weren't in a position to provide for kids in the ways we felt were important. We didn't really have enough financial resources or economic stability, and on an emotional level my ex had never really wanted kids. He admitted that to himself and to me when we were around 38 and 39 years old (I'm his senior by not quite a year) and we agreed to remain childless. Had we been ten years younger I might have gone looking for a different relationship with a man who wanted children and could provide for them, but given my age at the time it was no longer a priority. |
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Edited by
ViaMusica
on
Fri 06/21/13 10:39 PM
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(Weird double-post glitch.)
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there is nothing good about divorce...And divorce is just another word for failed. Not at all. Sometimes it's a word for having realized that one or both of you are better off not being married to each other. My ex-husband and I have a better relationship as friends than we had during the latter half (at least!) of our marriage. I suppose you could say we failed as a married couple, but had we remained married I think we'd probably both have failed at being happy. This way, we at least each have the opportunity to seek out a more suitable mate and build a more successful relationship with that person, drawing on our past experience of having been married. |
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Oh yeah
 . Then there's the "Why have you no children by now?". By NOW? NOW? I wasn't aware I was given a deadline as to when to have children by. And anyway, if you don't like the fact, just go f*** yourself, because I seriously have no time for what SUCK-ciety thinks. . Yeah I know I hardly curse, but who gives a crap about what some stranger thinks? Oh purlease. If you want some chick who'll give you children, then go for that, instead of picking me who can't get pregnant. Some men are so ironic. :/
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