TexasScoundrel...I agree with you in theory. We all have strengths and "weak areas."...Some areas seem exciting to us. And other areas bore us to death etc...But I don't feel that anyone should be totally "blocked" or "locked out."...An amateur is still capable of coming up with fresh ideas and great insights...When my husband and I decided to produce our own newsletters I was the one with formal training in Journalism...But it turned out that he had a lot of hidden skills and talents that "popped-out" as we got "going.".. So we always left the door open for each other to "jump-in." And this led to some pleasant surprises!...We didn't do exclusive "domains" or "territories" per se...For some reason the term "submit" has a negative connotation to me. It sounds so strict and serious and severe etc...My husband and I didn't do well with "set rules." We were both rebels and "game-changers." And we tried to make life fun. (And not so super-serious all the time.)...We took pride in what we created and produced. We took pride in being a team and working together...And we took pride in knowing when to "quit" and go out and have some fun and "rewards" too!...This is where I've been "lacking" since my husband passed-away. Sometimes I forget to "reward" and "spoil myself" and have fun. Not good!!

Right on! I agree with you..."Same old, same old" gets boring! I think we all have hidden skills and talents inside ourselves. (Waiting to be "discovered" and brought-up to the "surface.") Don't you?

I think you should follow your own instincts. Go with what feels "right" and "best" for you!

Firstly, I'd like to gently suggest that you take a little more care in the way your posts are laid out. You over use ellipsis and don't separate your paragraphs. This makes your posts very hard (at least for me, I have dyslexia) to decipher. As someone with training in journalism I'm sure you can understand how important it is to be clearly understood. Also, double spacing helps.

Secondly, I never suggested anyone be "locked out" or "blocked." I said both should work together and utilize each others strengths to support each others weaknesses. Openness and communication are indeed important.

If you go back and read my first few posts in this thread you'll see where I mentioned that the rolls may change depending on the situation.

Lastly, "submit" and "submissive" are the only words I know that accurately describe the ideas I'm trying to communicate. Same with "dominant" and "dominate." If you have a more palatable word choice I'll be happy to submit to your greater dominance in the English language.

TexasScoundrel...I've been posting from my cellphone most of the time and it's an older model and doesn't do spacing or paragraphs. Need to upgrade soon..Sorry that my posts have been hard to read. I'll try to keep things shorter from now on...A little more on another post.

TexasScoundrel...My husband and I didn't think of labeling who did "what" and "why."...The terms "dominate" or "submit" weren't in our vocabulary...We just operated as a team and pitched in and helped each other.

Of course, that's a point I made earlier. I said most couples don't think of themselves as dom or sub. They don't think of it at all because they are both happy in their rolls. It just feel natural and right.

TexasScoundrel...Would you say that you tend to have somewhat of a "dominate personality" in general? Just curious...Do I seem like someone who could be "dominate?"...Just wondering what might be "going on" between us...Anyway you deserve "credit" for all you have "shared" in this thread...Seems like we are on "similiar pages" except for the use of certain terms...I'm big on "equality" so I don't like to frame things through the notion of "dom" or "sub." (But this is just me!)

Remember the old TV show "I Love Lucy?"...Lucy related to her husband Ricky as a "father-figure" in the show...She resorted to manipulation tactics to try to gain her "way." (Tears, schemes, lies etc.)...They had an "old-school" type of marriage where the husband was considered the "boss" and the "head" of the family...When spouses resort to manipulation tactics there is obviously an imbalance of power in the relationship. Don't you think?...Someone must be playing "mom" or "dad." (Versus relating to each other as full grown-ups and equals.)

I am naturally dominant. But, I fought it for a long time because I believed all the feminist rhetoric. Fighting it was the cause of most of my relationship troubles because the women attracted to me were natural submissive. Foolishly, when they nagged or cried or complained, I'd give in to them. I hadn't learned that sometimes a woman will push a man just to feel his strength. To feel him push back. She wants him to be firm. She wants him to stand up to her. She wants him to (metaphorically) spank her when she acts like a brat.

A woman will test a man every day. If she finds a weakness, she'll exploit it until he either fixes it or she's made him into a wussy, nice guy. She doesn't want to be put on a pedestal and worshiped as a queen. She doesn't want a man that spoils her with gifts and caters to her every whim. She wants to be treated as an equal. And that means he must call her out on her BS the same way he would another man.

This is how he earns her respect and her love. A woman simply cannot love a man she doesn't respect. It's not in her nature.

This is the kind of man women truly desire. The elusive "real man" they are always wondering where to find. A man that would leave her before he compromised his principles.

Yes! That's it in a nutshell. He can compromise with her, but he must never compromise who he is.

TexasScoundrel...Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences and conclusions etc...It took me 12 years to find a man like my husband. (A man who wasn't carrying around resentment or "old baggage" towards women.)...By the time we met I had done a lot of "healing work" on my own too. (I had forgiven my dad and my ex-husbands and other men I'd been involved with in the past.)...So my husband and I were able to offer each other more of a "clean slate." (Which was nice!) More coming...

Little more...My earlier marriages and relationships could be full of "games" and competition at times...This is why they didn't last...I wasn't looking for a "he-man" or Tarzan or another "dad."...I was looking for a best friend! A companion! A "playmate!" Someone who wanted to go on "adventures!"...A "free-spirit" like me! A man who didn't get caught-up in "ego-games" or traditional "male stuff."...A man who didn't expect me to play out a role either. (And be a "girly-girl" or a "beauty queen" etc.)...Anyway my husband and I made a good "match" because we both took pride in "daring to be different!"

What choice do I have but to follow my instincts. Haven't met a man yet that has proved them wrong. Getting tired of having men treat me like crap simply because they had a bad marriage.

navygirl...Sorry you've had so many negative experiences with men. I did too earlier in life..I really admired my husband because he took time out (on his own) to figure out what went "wrong" in his first marriage. (From all "sides." His "end" too.)...I did the same thing (eventually) after my brief 2nd marriage ended...So we didn't have a lot of old grudges (from past relationships) "swimming around" inside of us when we met...He didn't assume that I'd be just like his first wife and go out and have affairs...I didn't assume things about him either...We didn't want to play out the old "battle of the sexes" in our marriage...Or punish each other for the way other people treated us in the past.

navygirl...Sorry you've had so many negative experiences with men. I did too earlier in life..I really admired my husband because he took time out (on his own) to figure out what went "wrong" in his first marriage. (From all "sides." His "end" too.)...I did the same thing (eventually) after my brief 2nd marriage ended...So we didn't have a lot of old grudges (from past relationships) "swimming around" inside of us when we met...He didn't assume that I'd be just like his first wife and go out and have affairs...I didn't assume things about him either...We didn't want to play out the old "battle of the sexes" in our marriage...Or punish each other for the way other people treated us in the past.

navygirl...Sorry you've had so many negative experiences with men. I did too earlier in life..I really admired my husband because he took time out (on his own) to figure out what went "wrong" in his first marriage. (From all "sides." His "end" too.)...I did the same thing (eventually) after my brief 2nd marriage ended...So we didn't have a lot of old grudges (from past relationships) "swimming around" inside of us when we met...He didn't assume that I'd be just like his first wife and go out and have affairs...I didn't assume things about him either...We didn't want to play out the old "battle of the sexes" in our marriage...Or punish each other for the way other people treated us in the past.

It would seem you and your husband were a whole lot more grown up which is more than I can say for the so called "men" that I have met. We say we are adults at 18 but it seems that even at 50 people are not behaving as adults. Why do you think they do act that way? Is it perhaps a mental disorder? Have they snapped from the stress of life that they simply can't face life as an adult? Human behaviour has always puzzled me; much like the role playing people do according to their genders. Like you GreenEyes; I like to step out of the box and be more than a role player.

navygirl....I think the programming and "gender specifics" (and separation) starts at birth...Don't you?.. We're all handed roles to play. Most people fall in line. (To a large degree anyway.)...There's a price to pay for "daring to be different." (Ridicule, belittlement, becoming a prime target for bullies...Negative labeling, social isolation etc.)...Early in life I realized that I would never be every man's "dream woman" or "cup of tea" etc. But I made it "okay" because I didn't want to go through the "Stepford wives" machine and become a "clone" of every other woman on the planet...Thank goodness there are other people who don't want to be turned into "clones" either. (Both men and women!) ..But it takes time to locate the "rebels" and "misfits!" They don't scramble to be "first in line."

I agree especially when you state how people are programmed to be a certain way. I have never been the "cookie cutter" type of gal that most men are looking for. I have been a rebel since I was 11. I knew that children and marriage weren't for me as I knew there was more in life to explore. I also knew at an early age because of my height and my build that men would be and are still intimidated by me as they usually prefer some petite little china doll. I never realized just how insecure men are; that their egos are more fragile than a woman's emotions. Here I thought we were the weaker sex but it turns out; well at least for me; that men are indeed much weaker when it comes to emotions. I find it funny that I was taught that men were the stronger ones that keeps everything together in a crisis but it turns out that I was the one that kept a level head. Do you think that is why men run from me? Is is that I have assumed their "role" so to speak and this emasculates them? I guess it truly is hard to find someone that can go with the flow; that doesn't try to control you; that can accept you for who you are and doesn't feel threatened by your strength or accomplishments.

Firstly, I don't see anything less than feminine about your build. You appear to have a very attractive and feminine hip to waist ratio, (just about 1 to 0.7). But I gotta tell ya, the zombie thing ain't doing it me.

Secondly, I know of a couple that have been married for about 25 years now. The wife has a similar build to you and is absolutely the more dominant of the pair. But, the man is far from a wuss. He served in the military, worked as a police officer and now owns a private security company and does body guard work for some very famous people when they come to Dallas. In short, he's a bad azz.

What you need to ask yourself is what type of man are you attracted to? Do you despise shy guys? Many women do. Sny men are often seen as weak. These are often women that are fighting their own natural, submissive nature. These women want to be strong, but also deeply desire a stronger man that they can respect.

Women like this sometimes challenge a man's masculinity. It's almost as if they get in his face and say "you think you're a better man than me? Prove it!" The most confident men will realize they have nothing to prove and just move on. But, submissive men will often love it.

I don't mean to say you should change who you are. I'm saying you may want to really think about the kind of man you want and the type of bait you're using to attract him.