Could someone please give me a single good reason for my being here and
for keeping looking for someone? A little history.....
I've been divorced for 7 years now after 20 yrs in a loveless marriage.
In those 7 years I've dated several women and had 3 or 4 relationships
that developed to the point where I thought it was the real thing and
totally committed my heart. Invariably as soon as I opened myself I've
been dumped for someone they just met. In EVERY SINGLE case the guy I
got kicked to the curb for was abusive, had drug or alcohol problems,
cheated on them, stole from them..... you get the idea, genuine winners
right? The last woman was very forthright in telling me she couldn't
help it but she's always been attracted to men she even knew were bad
news and she felt something with "him" she didn't with me although she
knew I totally loved and was in love with her and would always be
nothing but good for her she couldn't settle for a relationship that
lacked whatever it was she felt with "him".
I've been told by several long time friends (mostly female) that women
are initially attracted to me by my look which I admit is a little rough
or tough thinking I'm the "bad boy" type but then when they get to know
the real me they drop me like a bad habit for the "adventure" of a real
bad boy.
I was raised and have striven all my life to be a good guy, having my
Granny around as a kid and growing up with 3 sisters I learned to
respect and appreciate women and let me tell you, if I had ever hit one
of my sisters my Dad would have seen to it I wouldn't be breathing to
type this tonight! I don't do drugs or drink to excess, was raised in
all the "chivalry" stuff and still open or hold doors for ladies no
matter where I am. I grew up believing I was the sort of man women
wanted, and also believe that the only way for a "real" relationship to
work is to give yourself fully to it. It might take me a while to get to
that point but when I give my heart it's given completely. I've always
been up front about my past and try hard to communicate my feelings but
in the end it's that point where I finally fall that the rug is always
ripped out from under me.
Can someone tell me why I should try again? Convince me there's anything
really worth the pain because when you give someone your heart and they
try to give it back they might as well drop it on the sidewalk and stomp
on it because it's never coming back to you whole. How am I supposed to
convince myself it's worth it to take the risk yet again when history
indicates that most women have no clue what a good relationship is about
and they look for guys who will only bring them grief? And if there is
even a couple of women out there that have their head on straight how
would any one know because the ones who screw with your head can be very
convincing until they get you vulnerable.
I'm lonley and alone and it hurts, but not nearly as bad as giving your
all to someone only to have them run your heart through a shredder.
Can anyone answer this stuff and give me a reason to keep trying?

It happens to the best of us. But ya gotta keep plugging a way at it.
Think of it like a numbers game. Or selling something. Eventually
someone will come around to take off your feet and you'll smack yourself
in the head for thinking abpout giving up.

Ghostrecon

I just can't get past the feeling that it's totally insane to keep
sticking your hand into the fire when experience tells you that you're
only going to get burned yet again. And even though there are rumors of
a fire that won't burn you but make you whole the odds against finding
it are so great that you have to really question the sanity of anyone
who keeps going around sticking their hands in more flames. Like I said
it might be painful to sit away from the fire and be alone but the pain
is a hell of a lot less than the 3rd degree burns you're sure to get if
you keep trying.

yeah i totally agree with ghost. don't give up hang in there you'll make
it. and you'll do it and you'll come back to rub it in the faces of the
people who didn't have faith in you.
jade

Hey pal

Sure. It's inevitable. But does that stop the poets and writers and all
the romanics from fordging ahead? Hell no!

That what keeps them going.

You might discover a new path or a new you. Pain is the reward for
exressing love of thy fellow man, or woman.

Ghostrecon

pain is the reward? Somehow I'm not finding any of this convincing. I've
been told too many times that "it" will find me when I stop looking.
Well I have news for it..... right now if IT comes looking for me it's
going to find the doors locked and the blinds drawn. Life is perverse
and all I can see coming to look for me is another angle to see if I'm
stupid enough to expose myself to the pain again. It's kinda like making
a cat chase a lazer dot, how long before he finally catches on and gives
up? This cat has caught on and realizes the dot doesn't really exist,
the same as real love.

hey if i knew where my poems were i'd give you a copy, of one i wrote
that has been known to make grown men break down and cry. because it
gets you thinking of how your love life is and where it has been.
i'm sorry but it is in storage i'll see if there is a chace i can get
it.

Yes!

But does the cat get discouraged about chasing the lazer dot?

I don't think so. he is using the what come natural. To chase movement.
A Persian Poet said: It's not the kill, it's the trill of the chase.

hold on i just thought of one of my favorite sayings i use when love has
hurt me.

To love and loss is better then never to have loved at all.

I haven't really givin up. I'm just in transtion. Love comes like a
thief in the night.

Millsdd,

I agree with the responders to your dilemma. Don't give up ever, but
what may be helpful is to take a break and breathe. Hopefully through
this process you will be able to gain insight into the type of women you
become involved with. There seems to be a pattern and a certain type of
woman you are attracted to and the only way to hopefully find a person
of your caliber is to take a minute and re-evaluate the qualities you
seek in a woman, then when you have began to date again don't be afraid
to follow the signs that always present themselves in some shape form or
fashion good or bad. If you get any clues that this is going in the
direction of your past relationships run in the opposite direction.
Maybe by practing weeding people out will eventually help you find the
love that you sound like you truly deserve!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!

i don't know who's it by bet here it goes and please take this to heart
cause it has saved me several times from doing something stupid.

"i'd rather have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" "and if
it is meant to be it will always return to me."

if you need that translated i be more than happy to do it for you.

the "chase" isn't the real thing in the case of a relationship. It IS
the end result, the finding of "the one", the chase is just the game and
I'm tired of the games.
To take another euphanism....... it's not the destination it's the
journey but the fact is when it comes to relationships the destination
is just the start of a different journey TOGETHER but all the roads are
dead ends in my case. And the journey isn't any fun when every wrong
turn you take means getting shredded. I'm finding too hard to believe
there's anything of a destination that makes the trip worth it.

I believe that friendship is the key to a good relationship.
sometimes being friends with a person help to now that person well, it
is best to get to know the person well and see if there can be
communication, and there we will know if that person is right for a
commitment.
I am trying to start dating, because my husban passed 7 years ago, and
now is when Im ready for a relationship, I was not ready before, and did
not tryed.
love your self and don't give up, it sounds like you are a very nice
person who got in touch with the wrong woman.

morena

To have loved and lost means that in some fasion the love was returned.
Not just a game she was playing to see if you'd expose your heart to the
pain she intends to inflict. The women I've met have been from all walks
of life met in all sorts of settings. So varied in fact as to lead me to
believe most if not all women are out to mess with the good guys and
really want the "adventure" of the jerks, partly I think because they
believe they can change him.

hey nock it off your making me depressed and i don't like being
depressed. i'll check in later to see if things get a little more
cheery. i'll let the guys have there chat since it seems no one is
listening to what i'm typing so........................ see ya in a
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You're right Jade,
Sorry to bring the forum down. Think I'm going to call it a night since
even though I asked for someone to convince me I don't think it's
possible. She's not out there, doesn't exist and the only sure thing in
life is pain. I'm sick of the pain and the games.
again my apologies for bringing ya'll down

don't give up
yours is out there

hey that was what i was waiting for. so you hold on and guy it is my
turn to try and cinvince him that there is still some one for him. and
no you weren't making me depressed i was just trying to get you to
listen to me .