I know the idea of having 'standards' is subjective. Some people would call those mandatory requirements standards and others would include mere preferences.


IF one has mandatory requirements(for whatever reason), do you think they can be happy with someone that doesnt quite live up to those requirements.

For example, say one person REQUIRES another be a red sox fan. Then they meet someone who knows nothing about sports and would rather read a book, but everything else clicks.


Would that person who loves red sox, have to change their life to include a LITTLE LESS of what they love in order to truly share a life with this other person who knows nothing about sports? If they did so, do you think they would truly be HAPPY?

What do you think should never be given up for a relationship and what things do you think should be negotiable....



my personal opinion is that love is a rare jewel, when we find it, all things should be negotiable EXCEPT those which diminish who we are spiritually( like, a musician shouldnt STOP performing and loving their music, and an intellect shouldnt have to feign ignorance or stop reading ,,,etc,,,)

If you have "standards" or prerequisites, you have them.

If you lower them you will never be happy.

well this is another topic that I think is going to be relative to each person and how they feel

me? meh - I don't have a huge list of requirements - just that we click - it's hot and there's a venue for trust - and he is really into me- that leaves a lot of room for other things....that we may or may not share

ya if he liked country music that would be awesome, if he didn't smoke...preferred

but 2 of the best guys I've met recently smoke

what's a girl to do?

preferences are negotiable, morals are not. the brand of toothpaste can change if she doesn't like your brand, but if she doesn't brush her teeth at all, well missy, that is a deal breaker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRcj9WbHLjk

do you think having kids makes a difference?

I know that when I was single, I was probably quicker to compromise because I was the only one who would live with that decision


but now , as a mom, I find myself considering how all of my decisions affect my children, how they will view relationships and marriage, and what they will come to know as 'normal' in terms of how men and women should treat each other


what I would settle for alone, I cant seem to as the mother of a beautiful girl who I want to reach for the stars and never settle,,,,

you are exactly on track with what parents should be thinking. when a person (man or woman) has a child, the adult should realize that their own life is no longer top priority. children learn by example and if mommy or daddy is looking out for themselves, than jr. will see that as "normal" and grow with that way of thinking. that's not to say jr. can't break the cycle and learn to think on his own as an adult, just that what he saw growing up is what he defaults to when he tries to think on his own

sorry forgot to give you three snaps in a "z" formation

Everybody has a criterion filter for screening out bad choices for a mate (I'm assuming that's what you're talking about). I suppose you need to have some concrete limits for some qualities, but how many times have you found yourself finding yourself strangely attracted to somebody who had miserably failed your initial test? I have. Many times. A rigid standard is the best way to stack the deck against ever finding a good partner.

Have you ever had an erotic dream about somebody you had never found attractive? I have. You never think of them quite the same way. I think it's your brain's way of telling you, "You're being a foolish snob".

yes, I do think kids are part of it. I am definitely concerned about having a partner who be be a friend to my grown sons (in a grown up way - not as one of them) and set a good example - esp. where alcohol & drugs and financial honesty is concerned ....for reasons that have to do with my sons seeing a good example

When children come into the picture, everything changes.

I agree with you.

I feel a a redsox fan can love a non-sports fan compeltely and unconditionally but, a Chirstian may not be able love a Satanist as anything more than a friend, and should not be expected to.

Well




Gee,,it seems many women meet me and say THAT...?

They say,,Well, I would have-to lower MY STANDARDS to date you..
BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTt,,OK
















No one should TRY,,to make THEMSELVES "LIKE",,, ANOTHER,,,

For IF you FEEL your lowering yourself to be with THEM.

YOUR ONLY TRYING TO FOOL YOURSELF!

And later in THAT relationship,,YOURSELF will REMIND YOU ALWAYS,,,

So I WOULDN'T,,,,,But then again,,,I HAVE VERY LOW STANDARDS,

Never

Sorry. I meant NEVER settle for less than what you want in another person.

If I were to settle, why bother having standards in the first place? If I were to settle, why not just constantly lie to myself, it would be more fun.

Because I do not settle, it shows respect to the people I have dated and will date in the future, because they know the type of man I am does not change because I may be lonely at times or maybe have had some bad luck and I'm thinking another person might not be as bad as the last.

It's all about respect, for yourself and others.

unless you're a Philadelphia Eagles fan - I don't think it's possible for the teal and gray to love a non sports fan - GO BIRDS!

It's a comedy but check out the movie IDIOCRACY if you get a chance. That'll change your mind if you think standards should be lowered.

Nothing should be given up.
Everything must be negotiable.

There is no conflict between these two statements.

In the course of history every conceivable relationship has been tried
and successfully too. There are 3 billion people on earth. There are
literally hundreds of millions of great matches for everyone. So have
an open mind and an adventurous spirit and live life to the fullest.

Find someone special or many special friends and share with them.
You do not have to compromise on who you are and you can be flexible
and accommodating without subordinating your needs as long as you
learn to share effectively.

I don't like sports.

Philadelphia Eagles. Football, right?

oh well I guess that means the wedding's off