I grew up in that environment and I'm a pro peace pacifist....and I know others who saw such behavior and are not hostile people. I think it's assumed those who live with that kind of violence will be the same way...I don't think it's the norm. But..I really don't know. I'm only going by those I know...

No, it is typical. Not every kid growing up in that environment is going to go and do the same, of course, but for the most part they do.

I don't know the stats on such matters. For my generation it seems it was pretty common, most of the people I knew back then saw this with their parents and the ones I knew well didn't turn out to be abusers..men or women. But then, these are just the ones I knew well. Ya never know what goes on behind closed doors. For me it may have been a factor in turning me to the far opposite. And I have never been with anyone who knocked me around and my kids have never had to see any of that garbage.

It has to do with learned traits, at such a young age a child is susceptible to learning abuse as a 'normal' trait of a relationship. I personally would think this occurs more in children younger than 14, I think at 14 a child is at an age where they can recognize 'right' and 'wrong' and differentiate between the two...however that is just a personal opinion and not by any means professional, but everything before that is professional and psychological.

A child just grows, he/she will learn by our actions whether we choose to believe it or not...it is just a matter of whether or not he/she decides what we are doing works for them or not. On the plus side, learned behaviour can be changed.

I was 14 when my mother finally packed us up and left..I remember everything and I always knew it was wrong. It never resonated with me so it was never a behavior I had to unlearn. I was a born peacemaker and actually really grateful I never accepted it as normal. My life with my boys could have been very different. Sad for those who struggle with breaking the cycle.

do you know that with some woman if their man doesn't beats them they don't feel love !!!

I left a hard abusive marriage of 25yrs, I met someone on here who lives in my home town a couple of weeks ago, I do have to say he is one of the sweetest, kindest, most gentle heart, I have ever met. I think I will keep him for ever.......((((((Tom)))))) So I have to speak from me, leave if they are hitting you and find someone that will love you, I strongly believe there is someone out there for everyone. He/She will pop up when you least expect it.

I have never hit a woman and never will, its the way I was brought up!!!! If U hit a woman I dont think U can call yourself a Man, becuse U lose that right when U hit or beat a lady, woman are to be loved and cherished!!

my first husband felt the same way,,, part of what I fell for was his robin hood ish tendency to come to the protection of females and children,,,,,however, he did go through a phase in life after joining the military that drinking became a problem and the lines of acceptable and unacceptable got blurred. I know for a fact that the day he caused me to go in the hospital was the hardest day in BOTH our lives and that he truly was remorseful(because this was so unlike his USUAL character of so many years). PRobably the reason he could change is because this was not truly what he wanted to be and not something HE accepted as ok.

He hurt you to the point that you had to be hospitalized???(((msharmony)))
So sorry to hear that. I have always thought, felt that abusers were mostly in much pain themselves. We can't hurt another without hurting ourselves..one way or another.

staying with a man that hits you consistently with surely kill you one day or you kill him

Ya know until one walks in those shoes they will never know the full story and why they stayed!!

I have never in my life been hit by a man. But........I have talked to several in the last 3 years that have literally brought me to tears as I listened to their stories. All were different of what happened and the reasons they stayed. But......in the end all were the same why they left. Either they could see ahead that their kids were next or the next time would be their last time.

What made them see that after so many years of it happening who knows something in the eyes of their abuser or a flash of reality.

Regardless what I have heard it is not just as easy as walking away the first time it happens for some. And at times it is a near death experience before they make that finally choice to reach out for help and grab on.

No matter what some may think it is not just women getting beat it is men as well. It is a sad sad world we live in reality is too many times others turn a blind eye to what they suspect is happening...

I agree. I've read some of the replies & find it amusing what others think who haven't walked in those shoes. Those who haven't been in that situation doesn't understand & only those who has are really the only ones who knows. Yes, I've been there & always got the BS of why did you stay.

Tessa02 I have never been there and hope I never do. All it takes is and open mind and a heart to understand why some stayed the way they did. And glad in the end they found the strength to get out when they did.

But.........when it comes right down to it no one can understand why except the person that went through it and what they endured.......

Exactly my point & your earlier response reflected that. That's why I agreed with you is people seem to think you can just casually walk out the door. Doesn't quite work that way & you pretty much made that point. My ex BF is in prison right now & I hope to never have to deal with him again although I split up with him while he was there & know he's holding a grudge. He's got so many charges I don't plan to see him on the outside for awhile & none of those charges were brought on by me. Although I could have brought charges against him I didn't.

I understand all the points of view BUT a man has NO right to hit a lady!!! Maybe its a midwest thing but here a man learns to walk away from violence towards women!! NOW if I see a man hit a woman he better be ready for battle cause it dont matter how big he is, he is gonna have a fight on his hands from me!!

Mikey regardless what part of the country one has been raised I would bet that at least 90% of men/women have been taught or at least told never to hit another. But in reality it happens all behind closed doors. What may look at times as a good couple some never realize what goes on behind those closed doors but the ones involved.

My son has been taught the same thing from the time he was first walking. But at times many see it happening in their own home growing up at times something snaps in that person and once they gain that control over another it is a down hill spiral from there.

Spousal abuse is in no way limited to any one area it could be happening to someone you know and you not even know it!!

Very true words Kristi thats why U are so wise!!

Txsgal3333, I really appreciate your opinions on this. Although you mentioned you haven't been in this situation you haven't passed any judgment on those who have. I get so tired of the comments on why I stayed when others have no idea why I stayed. Sometimes you stay hoping to get through another day knowing if you left it may be your last. TY

Tessa02 I will be one of the first to admit I have at times wondered why some did not walk away. But.......I would never pass judgment on them for not doing so.

After talking to several that have been there and lived through it that is enough to make anyone take a second look. I have talked to some that actually was in and abusive relationship for up to 13 years from being beat, verbal abuse to hot coffee being poured on them. All I could do was sit and cry while I heard their stories and tell them they did what they had to do in order to survive.

Sure questions are there but if anyone took the time to watch shows based on the situation and how their abuser plays the mind games on them maybe they could see things different as well. My heart goes out to the ones that have been there or still there.

And yes many times when one finally gets the courage to leave they are hunted down to face even worse then they had or even death. So that is why many do stay hoping that this last beating will be the last one and they will stop.

Those that don't understand need to seriously sit down and talk to those that have been there or even google Spousal Abuse. Take time to read the stories from women that endured it and how much control the Abuser has on them. You would be amazed these women/men of how strong they were at one time to be broken down and brainwashed.

Sure there are shelters out there but not near enough and some are so closed off from others they are too scared to reach out for help.