okay i am doing this for a friend

shes married she has a 2year old son and is 10 weeks pregnant its NOT a good marriage she is scared to leave and shes dose not know if he would ever hit her but hes been drinking a lot and telling her its her fault because she makes him mad. hes mentally abusive and emotionally too. i am scared for her i want to help i have been through it but what i have told her just don't seam to be helping ?? what can i do to help her and the kids

he controls her all the time i am scared for her

YOU can't do anything. You can be her friend and try to help talk some sense into her and help her coem up with a plan to leave him and get on her feet. Make phone calls to agencies that help pregnant women. Things like that.
But you can't make her leave him or even want to leave him. She might say she wants to but in the end, she probably won't.
Until she wants to fix her life, there's nothing you can do.

I would call CPS to save the children. She's going to have to help herself.

like Jill said...you can't make her do anything. all you can do is tell her how you feel and be there if she needs you. Just let her know that you care and are here for her but you can't support the marriage.


and totage is right. IMO if the kids are suffering from abuse, then IMO it's your duty to call CPS

yes. Loyalty to a friendship means nothing when you're talking about the safety of children.
If there's abuse with those children, then it is your duty to help them.

Like they said. She has to see it and care enough about herself and kids to get out. Even if it means moving to another state.
I third CPS.!!

Check the Law in your state. If you have knowledge of a criminal act and it's found out you didn't report it, you could be implicated as an accessory after the fact.

she loves her kids and this has gotten worse since the death of there 15 month old daughter that was 3 years ago . the kids father started drinking and blaming every thing on his wife (my friend) i have never lost a child but i would think i would want to be close to my family not hurt them.

i have offered to let her stay with me if needed but other than that i don't see were i can help. and cps is in there lives because my friend asked for help.

this is one thing she said to me to day "she is scared to leave him because she dose not like it when people don't like her and he wont like her". i don't know what to tell her i mean really thats a shi*y reason to put those kids through the h*ll they live in.

google domestic violence and your area and it will pull up some resources

this is Canada i know the cps systems and court system in are province suck i find the are always were they are not needed first but thats just what i see

there isn't anything you can do to MAKE her do something. If she wants to stay for herself, then that is on her. But if the kids are seeing all of this or having it toward them then she needs to stop worrying about what people think of her and get her kids out. It's not just her. Her kids are involved and she is keeping them in that situation

If you have no faith in your CPS system, offer to take the children in for their safety. I would worry more of the childrens safety. Your friend has to save herself. Those kids need to be saved.

Stress that it is for their safety, not because you think she is not doing a good job of taking care of them or anything. Also, just try to be there for her as a friend and give her as much info. and resource as possible about the womens shelters, DV, etc.

i tried to tell her that i have been in 3 different relationships like this i know its bad for the kids i cant say i was any better when it come to leaving it took him putting me in the hospital and i almost lost my daughter to a miscarriage and i still went back to him when my little girl was almost 2 months old then only 4 months later he broke my ribs and hurt are 6 month old daughter.

and that is all you can do for her. Just let her know you are against it and if she wants to leave, then you will be there for her. But if the kids are being abused, then report it.

She needs to think about her kids and not worrying whether or not the husband is going to hate her

thanks and i plane to do what ever i can for the kids but i can let her 2 year old son stay with me but shes pregnant i cant make her go to save that baby and thats what worries me. that baby may not be born yet but its still a child and like you all say i cant make her leave

Contact and organization called Compassionate Friends. They are experts in helping greiving parents cope with the stress and complications of looseing a child. Their materials and information are free as are their local meetings in virtually all American communities.

I realize this "Dad" is not coping well but looseing a child is sometimes devastateing for Dad's as it is for Mom's and Grandparent's.

Men are too often uncomfortable about talking to family members about these emotional grenades in their lives. My suggestion is for you to give a minimal info to your friend and let her decide when and if to put the information folders in a private place such a bathroom, tool box, or even leave it with the mail or his vehical with a breif "I love you" sticky note.

If you look up some very good articals written in Exceptional Parent Magazine actually written by Dad's on the subject.

A key thought is everyone greives in a different way, order, and time frame.

Unless you are CERTAIN that this Dad is dangerous I would try being less judgemental and more supportive of them as a couple. Offering to babysit is a kindness. A greater kindness is respect to them both is going to do a lot more than trying to talk her into abandoning their relationship because it is not what you think is what needs to be done. If you don't she may well abandon your friendship and not be able to contact you if she really does need help. If you break up her relationship she is quite likely to blaim you for it and you will end up enemies.

Hottie

You got a life of your own

Read alot of your threads

Take care of yourself and the kids and the electrical problems

Dont involve yourself in everyone elses crap!!!

If she has already got CPS involved? She is doing what she needs to for her children.They should be able to get her and the family help.
I agree with (PacificStar &Gossipmpm)
Just let her know you are there for her!You seem to have enough on your plate without adding more.
Take care of your own,And let her take care of hers!
J.M.O

what u r describing is DV. have her contact her local DV resource, and keep quiet about it. they do things you can't.

ok i am not shore what DV is but i talked to her and told her i am there for her with what ever choices she makes

what did their 15 month old baby die from?