For some reason, my Mutual Match candidates had piled up, and I spent a long time going through them this morning.

So bleak, so defensive -- all of the profiles were either "Ask me" or "I don't know what to write here" or long, rambling diatribes about "Don't contact me if you're going to hurt me. Don't contact me if you're going to lie to me. Don't contact me if you're going to use me. Don't contact me if you just want sex. Don't contact me if you think asparagus is for dessert...."

What does it say when someone's very first comment is intended to build an impenetrable wall?

I have a little snip in my profile about how I'm attracted to the "you and me against the world" kind of relationship philosophy, although I was forced to admit that the world would probably win, because they have so many weapons.

But I've always felt that a relationship, ideally, is supposed to be a sort of "team" concept -- we help each other, we support each other, we work towards some common goals, while maintaining our individual identities.

(Not that I've ever actually experienced such a thing -- and maybe it doesn't exist -- it just seems right to me, at least as a hypothetical.)

But now it seems that "you and me against the world" has been replaced with "you and me against each other" --

If I wanted that, I would have stayed married.

As I've said before, the verbal communication that I find imperative to be mixed in the mortar that solidifies the foundation of any real and lasting relationship seems to be weakening as generations progress.

People put up walls for various reasons, maybe they figure anyone brave enough to attempt to penetrate them has to be worth it?

this world calls for an apocalypse, a introduction of chaos to contrast that people are taking too many things in vain. mostly, companionship.

Lex, Is there a subtext lesson here in the physics laws of a Magnet's polar opposites South vs. North ...

... I'm getting repellant undertones wafting off the page!












Edit @ Lex ...

That might be why most of us were married, when we were young and stupid.We didn't care,and was flying by the seat of our pants usually together.Our goals were set in stone, what we wanted to be happy.Some have had long term relationships, some not so lucky and had many.
We have learned hopefully from our mistakes, and yes move forward.This might be why people post things in their profile that they are looking for or not looking for.We all are looking for something or we wouldn't be here.
Many don't take time and update their profiles,which everyone should do.Also maybe your prospectives have changed,not just your looks for a photo.
Myself I read profiles and sometimes see things that I don't agree with,but you have to remember it's not always current info.Thats where communication takes a play, if you apply yourself.JMO

That is the ideal relationship. Good post.

maybe those are just generic fill-ins for an otherwise empty profile?

... What!? So, you're sayin' that they are not ALL 'One Heavenly Profile'???

Streuth!

I'm lumberin' under the absolute soul numbin' shock and disenchantment!


...

Well,,then explain how,,,,all MY walls our clear glass windows ,,,yet I feel this same,,,,

All my walls are made of paper,,,,can THEY not rip through them to ME?????????

its simple..to many people have too much baggage that they are unwilling to let go of and move on..so they become defensive/controling/negative/bitter/skittish et.al. if thats how they are...RUN!!! better to be alone than put yourself through that mess

my walls are transparent and easy to penetrate, just the colors are difficult to match...

Mine are made of brick and stone and mortar and I reinforce them every day.

I think there's a subtext, but it's more about the idea of the "self-defeating prophecy," to coin a phrase....

Just because every woman I've ever been involved with has turned out to be -- well, I'll be diplomatic here and just use the term "deceitfully incompatible" -- doesn't mean that every woman I ever run across in the future will be the same.

It's one thing for me to be aware of my past mistakes and misjudgments; and there have been a lot of them. It's another thing for me to automatically assume that EVERYONE IN THE WORLD will turn out to be exactly the same way, and to use my profile as a slander sheet to tar every woman in the world with undeserved epithets.

I mean, my best guess is that MOST woman are actually very decent people -- loving, caring, honest, looking for something meaningful in their lives. At least until I start liking them.

Lex, I've every confidence that HUNGER is the BEST sauce!


Ahhh... Lexicon, I truly believe that 'she' is very much in your future, prolly a Lilith~like femme that is ALONE (read:NO children!) in her loft also!

Dear, how have ya managed to heal up from the accident; longtime no touch base! Hope all has settled out nicely ... ???

I have discovered a while ago, that the best way to measure the morale, moral standards, and the status of today's society, is by reading emails, chatting and reading responses and dating profiles.

You'll learn a lot and can even make conclusions of what is wrong and how people think.

I would like to believe that -- !!

But apparently, I'm too "intimidating" -- lately, they've added "complicated" to the diagnosis, as if that would somehow enhance the terminal nature of the affliction! -- as I am not a goat, and I am certainly not about to settle for a sheep....

Just a day or two ago, my lengthy profile was viewed by someone I found absolutely fascinating! Abandoning my typical reticence, I sent a note; alas, to no avail, as, even with my "author" status and 23,000-some-odd forum posts, no reply was forthcoming.

My reality -- I should NEVER send out first notes! -- which, honestly, I have known for years -- but I have a tendency to delude myself when confronted with someone offering the illusion of being "unique"!



I still have the occasional twinges in the lower back -- but it's probably 95% back to normal. I can run and jump and play hockey and ride a bike and I'm flexible enough to get my toes up to the top of the fridge with no difficulty.

And, after suffering from a nasty bacterial infection in July, I lost about 30 pounds (Jenny Craig, eat your heart out), so I'm lighter than I've been since college, I'm guessing.

So, physically, I'm doing pretty well! Mentally, ah there's the rub....!!

That is not only mesmerizingly shocking? That stupefies that she didn't bother to even respond. WHAT?! Stunned ...

Smells rather as if fishy finds Denmark, no, Lex? Something most definitely OFF kilter there, I'd suspect fake profile, no other explanation, hon! It is NOT you, that is ALL on her ...

OK, and why are we touchin' the top of the'frig w/ our toes, hmmmmm? ...

Seriously, though! I'm absolutely thrilled (chuffed to fook!) to hear of such great physical progress, and hope the mental is to play quiksmart catch up!

Did the domicile arrangements settle back out? Auto? Did the fairweather 'friends' ever even attempt to in any way support or pay back their debts to you?

Phew, you are a survivor! ...

I know that I'm gulty of putting up that wall, even to this day..it has nothing to do with past experiences, it's just part of who I am.. I'm very shy and it does take someone ALOT of work to penetrate that wall...
With that said, your comment about team concept; and the part about individual identities really got my attention....why is it, at least I have found, some people depend on others' for their identity?...

Good Post Lex...

I've always wondered about that, too -- mainly because almost everyone I've ever been with has (eventually) tried to mold me into being an "adjunct," which is something I seem to be totally allergic to.

I don't see any particular value in defining oneself as an adjunct to another person. If anything, it's a not-so-subtle indicator that he/she atrributes a significant level of importance to defining himself/herself by that relationship to the other person, which says something to me about the mindset of the one doing the self-adjuncting.

When I see user names like "irvingsmother," I end up asking myself if this person existed before Irving was born....and if so, what was the adjunctive frame of reference then?

Some of us just want to be seen/known as ourselves.