is there any reason why we can't be doubly, or triply, defined.

sure i'm defined by myself - but also by attitudes i've developed by being in relationships, as part of relationships. that isn't necessarily a bad thing, provided it isn't the entirety of one's existence.

While there is no real reason we can't be doubly or triply, etc., defined, it would seem to be something of an issue for those who live in a sound-byte ADD world where no thought can last for more than 2.5 seconds.

My issue would be with those who, being given one shot at a brief self-definition (i.e., a user name), decide to reference another person. Focal point -- if I want to know about you, I want to know about you, first -- not the others in your life. If you can't say anything about yourself -- your thoughts and hopes and wishes and dreams and fears and history and your life as a whole -- without building all of that entirely around other people, then where are "you" in the equation?

I understand that people are part of our lives. I just don't think they should be all of it.

yeah i understand that, but it think it's more of a lack of creativity on their part than it is that they are solely defined by one particular person, or role.

OK, but, from where I sit, a lack of creativity is even worse!

haha

okay, you win

i'll shut up


(this round)

Pffffft, I'm not trying to win!

I'm trying to send a message....and see if anyone gets it.

Oh, this is normal. No one ever responds when I write them first. Ever. And I should have known better, but this one -- well, it's rare when I run across someone who fits the parameters AND actually interests me. It happens maybe once every couple of years. So I guess I went overboard this time.

I really don't think the profile is a fake, either. I've gotten pretty good at spotting those, and she has none of the typical indicators in hers.



Years ago, I was reading an article about hockey players who played into their 40s and 50s. Most of these guys said things like "Take care of your legs because those are the first things to go." And I've always tried to follow that advice. The whole flexibility issue is key.



Actually, none of that stuff has changed at all. I could tell you horror stories.

awww i was just playing - it was my way of saying 'point taken'.

I see it as being honest about what one wants or doesnt want. I appreciate it when someone, for instance, includes that they do not believe in God(God is a strong part of me) or that they dont wish to be a provider in the relationship( I believe in traditional roles).

These things are helpful in weening out , so to speak, potential partners from those which would be POINTLESS. I would like MORE of these types of profiles so people dont waste time on other folks that they would be incompatible with.

Oh, I agree with the idea that information is good, and the more the better.

That's why I make it very clear in my profile what I'm looking for and what I'm not looking for.

But my issue is with those people who write sentence after sentence about how they've been hurt and will never be able to trust anyone again. I think once you've begun to assume that everyone is the same, that every relationship will turn out the same, that everyone you meet is going to be abusive and selfish and totally inconsiderate of your own needs, your own feelings, then there's a question re: why are you bothering to put anything up there in the first place?

If you're not open to the prospect of finding someone who MIGHT turn out to be different from your past entanglements, then what's the point?

When I read profiles that make it clear that the person is simply out to vent, out to bash the opposite gender, or whatever, out to generalize blindly and aimlessly, I can't really see this as someone I would want to get mixed up with. Where could it go? Is it worth my time to try to prove them wrong? Is it my job to be the rescuer, the counter-example?

To put it another way -- once their position has been decided, who am I to try to change that?

Information, yeah. I need to know if someone has kids, or if they drink. I need to know that because that's not someone I want to ghet involved with.

But reflexive, knee-jerk, overgeneralized gender bashing and overwhelming "trust issue" baggage is another thing entirely.

Not that it isn't worth my KNOWING about it -- it sure is. But from the standpoint of the person writing the profile -- why bother? Once you've made it clear that you're not letting anybody in, there's no point banging on the door anymore.

Well, I can tell you that the we, the female community, do find 1st posts of any real length? Scammers! This knowledge comes from comparing notes w/ many of my online, gal pals. Sad, harsh truth for us as well ...

It IS their/Scammers biggest 'calling card revealer', even if modified to seem to be tailored to our specific profile! Thus, I find it MOST relevant here that you actually did take time, thought and length in first response, though your profile would seem to so verify your sincerity and authenticity.

Radar! NORMALLY, that is a HUGE red flag!!! Could be worth your while to now do a more brief, funny (you do humour SO well!) just to retest the waters, since she is so special? Perhaps? Even make mention that your female friend warned you of all that I did just addressed!

We do like a man to hunt also, Lex. I've made men work hard at that. That might seem harsh, but it is what men taught me; evolution is hardwired here. The times that I have attempted to turn the tables? I failed abysmally. I long for this part of nature to play catch up. Might be worth another rejection or two, given how special she is! She might have also been 'burned' into this mode also! It is a dance ...



...

Flexibility is THE key to not aging full stop! In India the yogis profess that age is directly gauged by flexibility.

Also, my best friend, and ex from my late teens and early 20s, JK? He is now 56 and has never put down his ice skates! He remains on a hockey team and plays every weekend; it has kept him SO young and in shape!



Oh, yes! Hey, buddy can ya spare some time and a dime? If you will cry for me ... I'll be sure to cry for you me dear friend!

Those we install in our inner camp that prove to be the not so fabled 'brood of vipers', and take us for ALL they can get w/out the slightest reciprocity? ... Yeah, one of life's cruelest joke's and misery sticks personified! Enough to make me hope the legendary laws of Karma bear meaty fruit!

I refuse to let it beat me down and lose faith; I WILL NOT put out the honest woman's lamp and the quest for good people! The precious ones I've managed to be blessed to find? Inform me to soldier on through the killing fields! Lean on me, brother, we CAN do this!!!

... ...

I've often wondered the same thing, there are lots of people who seem to really hate the gender they claim they're after. If you're a woman who hates men, or a man who hates women, why the hell are you trying to date one???? Makes no sense!!

I think the biggest "variable" in the equation, in my experience, anyway, has been the whole idea of establishing some sort of credibility here.

I mean, I've been on the site for 3 years; and people who have been here awhile, people who use the forums and are familiar with the goings-on here, have been almost universally receptive to whatever it is I've had to say. My friends list is composed almost entirely of people who have been on the site for a long time.

But I get absolutely nowhere with people who are new or who don't use the forums. If they don't know me, if they haven't read my profile (or even if they have and are new to the site), I have zero cred and there's no point in even trying to communicate with them.



The handful of times I've actually attempted to write to someone out of the blue, I kept it short and funny and relevant. Didn't matter. I'd be better off writing to Santa.



Yeah, I've heard the "hunt" thing before. I'm just not going to do that. If what I've got to offer isn't enough, on its own merits, I'm really not interested in trying to gussy it up and present a prettier package.



My goal is to still be playing when I get to that age. Or longer.



The truth is, I did it to myself, by always being everyone's psychologist, counselor, confidante, etc.

I enjoyed the role, and I was always good at it. Just wasn't prepared for the fallout once it was me who needed some help.

This is the SOP for the overgeneralizer. Overgeneralizing is easy -- not to mention convenient and popular.

But -- and I almost hesitate to raise the point, because people will fall down and hurt their heads once they read this -- what if it's WRONG?

I mean, yes, 94 consecutive women have tried to turn me into a goat (or other farm animal of their choice), but that doesn't mean the next one will.

Or does it?

The truth is, I DON'T KNOW. So, while I might suspect that there is something inherent within the female genetic nucleotide sequence that CAUSES them to want to turn me into a goat, I don't know that this is inevitably true of every woman in the world. Mutations occur. Perhaps I will meet someone with a dormant goat-gene. Stranger things have happened.