How can someone change a person? you can influence them to make a choice one way or the other sure...but you can never truly change a person they make that choice based on what influences they chose to listen to

Think about it....if we could TRULY change another person....everyone one of use would have our perfect mate right about now....just saying

I can so relate to this, I think for me how I dealt with it was in two ways.
On one hand I allowed myself to be a bit blind and didn't really see what I should have been seeing. So therefore I fooled myself.

On the other hand they showed me what they wanted to, they created this whole other personna that wasn't real.

The problem came when the cracks got so wide I couldn't deny they were there any longer and the real person stepped into the light.

I know for a long time it kind of shattered my faith in my judgement of things and people. Now I am so cautious, and slow, I have two speeds I tell people slow and stop.

Me too

He is with me
every single day
He always talks to me
Makes me happy in every way

He is handsome
his smile is enigmatic
His appearance was winsome
and his eyes twinkle like magic

He is a comfort
He was my rock
Hours of building a secret fort
and late nights of endless talk

I never knew what he did
or where he was from
What he was like a kid
Or even if he was one

Through out the years
He stayed young
He always stayed near
when I had no one

People started to whisper
she is just a kid
But my friend was always happy, a good listener
Until I realized he didn't exist, he never did

Not what I was saying... I was saying "if a person wants something or someone... They might change everything they said they were about so that they could obtain that something or someone"... Make sense?

awwwww

yeah in reverse...and that does happen...the only thing there is taking time to get to know them and seeing them in different situations instead of just with you and observing their behavior

trust me sooner or later the real slim shady will stand up

In reverse isn't the same thing.. us changing someone and someone changing are different but both not cool...

Yes, that is true.. It's what I do.. I spent a long time thinking I knew my ex only to find out he was capable of bad things... I'm careful with new people and getting to know them but it's funny even then they end up showing their true colors even if it takes years...

some people have a limit you may think someone is not capable of bad things but back a mice into a corner and you'll encounter a lion

I think some relationships start as two lovers and then time passes and new responsibilities are added kids, more complicated jobs, health issues change the relationship a lot. Wives tend to transition from lover to Mom, even for their spouse, or more of homemaker/house keeper. Husbands start out as the center of the universe and eventually are much further down the line in Priority. Guy pretty much live by their jobs and the loss of a job, change, or even promotion can leave them feeling depressed and overwhelmed or very lonely. As the things that used to give them status like a car get old sometimes they feel washed up but don't know how to put it in words or have coping skills.

I am not so sure that always is it people being deceptive but we see what we want to see and when we realize it doesn't exist it is easier to blame the other person than ourselves that they can't live up to our expectations.

<---
I got deep deep secrets. I'll let you know some when we are 80.

Well PS I haven't seen the loss of a job nor kids brought into my recent viewings but I can see how that can happen in some cases..

Limit had nothing to do with that!

It's funny how we think we know ourselves and can go a lifetime without ever truely knowing who we are. The question is as complex as the answer. I don't even know where to begin with this subject.

Could be, but I would rather say, that people change. It's possible that he just changed into someone else over the years. He wasn't that before but now he is..it wasn't hidden or something but just changed over the years.

It happens when the relationship isn't real and someone is just keep swallowing back his or her disappointment, but it's kinda like getting possessed by devil, because all the chocked down disappointment and anger changes him or her into another person.
The culprit is not talking but going along with the relationship, while it's not even working.

See Tiger Woods for example. Fake relationships leads to anger. And anger leads to the dark side of the force.

Could be Atlantis.. Good thought...

It's important to ask questions all the time. Very uncomfortable ones too. If the person acts and talks shallow all the time..then he got something else..because - if you ask me- nobody is really shallow, but it's just how some people lets you into their world. The more open the person, and able to talk about very bad things too, the more you should trust him and the opposite is true too...if the person remains shallow and you can't even get a deep discussion over the time together, keep your shield up..because he is not trusting you and the reason is his own personal problems he doesn't want to share it with you.

Good advice... I think I should note it was a thought I just had while talking a walk through my mind and thinking of people I've known in the past either closely or not so closely if I saw discrepancies...

Have to keep in mind Hindsight is always 20/20 and not be too hard on yourself.

Some people are experts at leading a hidden life all their lives. Like kids who have alcoholic/addicted or say mentally ill parents. Or they spend much of their life hiding a secret like not being a citizen or seeing a crime.

oh I hear you PS.. It's not about me, it was just a thought I was thinking when looking back.. My ex was probably the biggest surprise I've ever had or will ever had... But I was thinking tonight about people I know that have experienced it and then it reminded me of times I've seen it first hand in just talking to people for a long time..