but the last and only time I was treated with such meanness, disregard, lack of respect, and lack of compassion/conscience by a man, was when my husband of 11 years+ cheated on me when we were trying to conceive and then left me for the other woman when I was pregnant with our child.

Yes, I have been dealing with my feelings related to cancer and I have regained some weight as a result. I'm pretty sure one of the main reasons he has stopped being affectionate or having sex is because he is not happy with my looks. I have been told by him that he is still attracted to me and I do see that my just being around him does provoke a bodily reaction....but yet, he denies me. All of a sudden, I am informed he cannot keep up with me, that my sex drive is too strong. Once or twice a week, even? Too strong? This is the same person who calls himself a tiger in bed. Too much intimacy for him. He said the same about his ex wife, who he also denied when some of these VERY same issues of fidelity came up.

I have shown in the past that I have discipline and have become fitter. Of course I fully intend to get fit again. I am an attractive woman, and men still look at me as such. But cancer is not a light thing and to be disregarded by your partner as such shows little conscience. Stress is not good for my fight right now.

The argument he gives is that as long as he doesn't touch, he is within bounds. With all the tasteless and blatant flirting that he does in front of me, with active profiles of his seeking on other sites, who is to say touch is not happening? He openly admits (probably due to his poor self esteem) he needs the ego boosts, the attention from many women besides his primary. Yet, he insists he is monogamous. He says something is wrong with me for being insecure, despite all these red flags. It angers him and he has become more irritable than I have ever known him of late. It even almost got physical once or twice. We are in a fluid bonded relationship, as well. I have discussed the risks with him many times. He will not use condoms with anyone. (Yes, I was recently tested for HIV in Feb and it was negative). He says he has been faithful.

So did my ex husband. The attitude and the way I am being treated now seems familiar.

In relationships, especially in those where bonding has occurred and the partner has served their mate very well and loyally, faithfully over years, is it honorable or respectful to discard, set aside, or replace the partner like a pet you've grown bored of or no longer want the responsibility of? Where does a sense of responsibility come in? Some will say this is a man's world and they can change their mind and do as they will whenever they want.

One may argue that a person should know their mate well before any serious commitments are made. Of course. Behavior around this was tested and observed and found satisfactory in this relationship, despite his prior poor history. Then, there were numerous conversations and assurances made over the months, years to the fact. ....But people can always change their minds when the id takes over....

I'm just venting. I am not ready to leave this relationship or him right now, even though I am getting very little out of it. I still love him.

Forgive me if this is too much information, and please delete. I am just hurting really badly right now. I feel scared, a lone, and with little optimism for my future. There is not much left for me.

I'm sorry. I'm so sad....

I'm so sorry this is happening to you...

Angel, if he won't agree to counseling, thean get out.
Getting close to violence, violence will prob. come. Your health is the most important thing for you to focus on. Ck the local YWCA for counseling programs. We did that & the cost was very reasonable. you need support & competent help, to make the proper decisions for YOU & YOUR CHILD's life. Please find that help.

Oh sweety,I am so sorry for what your going through.
You should seek couseling togather.If he won't,Then you need to look out for yourself.
There is such a thing as being strong enough to bend.But don't alow your self to break.

I've tried counseling and will start again, but at this point, leaving isn't an option.

I've tried counseling and will start again, but at this point, leaving isn't an option.

Oh honey. None of this has anything to do with you. He is weak. He is blameful, and he is not a good or kind or loving person. You deserve better.

Would you rather keep your pride and be without him, or be with a person who denigrades you and is openly hurtful?

This is your choice. Stress contributes to physical problems, for sure!

I know I deserve more....and much better treatment, too.

I know that I have value and that I am worthwhile in so many different ways.

I'm struggling because I have grown so bonded to him.

Of course I get upset and may over react when he publically degrades and denigrates me. He then says there is something wrong with me and he couldn't be with someone so "jealous" or emotional. Ha! I get upset over disrespect but I am not a jealous person by nature.

We couldn't even address these issues in couples' counseling because of a much larger personal problem that he has, that I will not get into here. The therapist(s) refused to work with him because he was not willing to look at it.

I know everyone's advice is to leave him; but there are things about him I love and I am in love with him. I also need him in my life right now; but, I don't even know if I have that anymore, because of the way he has been talking and behaving.

I know I'm really hopeless....I want to believe this didn't really happen the way I think, that it is my imagination....that it is all a bad dream.

Please take care of yourself. It is time to focus on you, and only you. Take the time you need to get healthy. I wish you wellness sister-friend

Any man that refuses to use condoms (assuming you haven't been married for 20+ years and one of you has been surgically altered so that you cannot conceive) would be out the door in a hurry at my house. In fact, one was. It pretty much shows their true character in that they cannot be respectful enough to be safe AND make you feel comfortable.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but you must stand strong! Take care of you Angel, first and foremost.

I have a copper IUD, which is about 99.2% -99.4% effective in preventing pregnancy. But, I totally agree with you about the safety issue!

Same here. I hope you figure things out.

Wake up and smell the coffee darlin', hes a liar.
WHAT is there that you see to love about him?
Make a list on paper-, of his Pros & Cons- BE TRUTHFUL.
Possibly, hopfully- looking at the results on the list, will show you whats really going on.
This does not work by doing it in your mind.
Sincerely, Older than you~ :)

When you or your child's saftey and general welfare is at stake leaving is ALWAYS and option. Will it be easy? No.

Sounds like this guy was a poor catch in the first place. What he is demonstrateing in counseling speaks very poorly for the potential for your relationship. Copeing with a partner's cancer is often more than people can do when they love you but it sounds like this guy only loves himself.

But if you have cancer you need to have everyone in your life on your side supporting you or out of your way. Counseling and peer support groups are out there if you ask for referrals. If you have a dependent child your survival is critical to their welfare so I hope you will cut out the emotional poison this mate is putting in your life and fight for your own survival. I wish you luck and will add you to my prayers.

wow ! , My heart really goes out to you sweatheart from your other posts it appears as your still in limbo .
I see you feeling objected maybe counceling will work out for you both but here's the question after all of this are you really strong enough to carry on .

Or are you better moving on . You seem to be suffering so much pain your situation isn't really helping you here.

All I can do is hope that you find some kind of clarity to help you see forth to a conclusion upon this but if Hubby can't understand nor see though it's all upon yourself still awwww best wishes pet really hope that you are able to get something sorted out for the better here . Tc x

Angel......


AGain....you know what is what....

and I suspect this is not love for him you feel, but addiction, which as we both know, is prevalent in these types of relationships.


Seek out a counsellor who specialises in the form of relationship you have.

I have sought counsel from others in this lifestyle, as to regards of your situation....and this is abuse.

IT is ABUSE.

It is breaking the sacred agreement.

This is disrespect....this breeds distrust...this breeds insecurity...it breeds dishonesty.

AGAIN...you know it is time to be released from the bonding.

and the choir said,,,,,,amen