but the last and only time I was treated with such meanness, disregard, lack of respect, and lack of compassion/conscience by a man, was when my husband of 11 years+ cheated on me when we were trying to conceive and then left me for the other woman when I was pregnant with our child.

Yes, I have been dealing with my feelings related to cancer and I have regained some weight as a result. I'm pretty sure one of the main reasons he has stopped being affectionate or having sex is because he is not happy with my looks. I have been told by him that he is still attracted to me and I do see that my just being around him does provoke a bodily reaction....but yet, he denies me. All of a sudden, I am informed he cannot keep up with me, that my sex drive is too strong. Once or twice a week, even? Too strong? This is the same person who calls himself a tiger in bed. Too much intimacy for him. He said the same about his ex wife, who he also denied when some of these VERY same issues of fidelity came up.

I have shown in the past that I have discipline and have become fitter. Of course I fully intend to get fit again. I am an attractive woman, and men still look at me as such. But cancer is not a light thing and to be disregarded by your partner as such shows little conscience. Stress is not good for my fight right now.

The argument he gives is that as long as he doesn't touch, he is within bounds. With all the tasteless and blatant flirting that he does in front of me, with active profiles of his seeking on other sites, who is to say touch is not happening? He openly admits (probably due to his poor self esteem) he needs the ego boosts, the attention from many women besides his primary. Yet, he insists he is monogamous. He says something is wrong with me for being insecure, despite all these red flags. It angers him and he has become more irritable than I have ever known him of late. It even almost got physical once or twice. We are in a fluid bonded relationship, as well. I have discussed the risks with him many times. He will not use condoms with anyone. (Yes, I was recently tested for HIV in Feb and it was negative). He says he has been faithful.

So did my ex husband. The attitude and the way I am being treated now seems familiar.

In relationships, especially in those where bonding has occurred and the partner has served their mate very well and loyally, faithfully over years, is it honorable or respectful to discard, set aside, or replace the partner like a pet you've grown bored of or no longer want the responsibility of? Where does a sense of responsibility come in? Some will say this is a man's world and they can change their mind and do as they will whenever they want.

One may argue that a person should know their mate well before any serious commitments are made. Of course. Behavior around this was tested and observed and found satisfactory in this relationship, despite his prior poor history. Then, there were numerous conversations and assurances made over the months, years to the fact. ....But people can always change their minds when the id takes over....

I'm just venting. I am not ready to leave this relationship or him right now, even though I am getting very little out of it. I still love him.

Forgive me if this is too much information, and please delete. I am just hurting really badly right now. I feel scared, a lone, and with little optimism for my future. There is not much left for me.