Brandy - don't let your mother or anyone else make you feel bad about yourself. It sounds like you had some plans or goals that you had set to reach by the time you hit 24. Just push them back and keep working toward them. At 24, I didn't even know what I wanted to do with my life, or be in life. You are still young and have your whole life ahead of you. If your mother can't give you any good or constructive advice then don't ask her and find someone who will give you good advice and not put you down and make you feel bad. I know of a lot of people who are late starters and went on to have very successful lives. One of my favorite doctors (who is a Ph.D.) actually flunked out of college and then went back and got his degree. He is one of the smartest people I know and it took him a second try to get through college, not because he didn't have the smarts, just for some reason, he needed a second go at it.

Some people don't just wake up one morning and know what they want to do with their lives. I know people who knew they wanted to be a teacher or nurse when they were in their teens, but others don't. I never did. You are a good and caring person and don't sell yourself short. Try to find something good about your birthday, make it into a fun day instead of something to dread. Push your goals back, you have plenty of time to work on them. You can always go to a professional counselor too, and work through these feelings. They can help you sort through these feelings. Your mom sounds a lot like mine and I had to finally put up a mental block to what my mom said to me, and stop taking in what she said and stop letting her hurt me. You are a good person and don't deserve to be treated badly. Please take care of yourself, you have a lot of friends on here who care about you.

(((Jeff)))) Please seek help. I know you have probably heard this before and i wish I could have responded sooner. The idea of voluteering with older people and or disabled children is that they need you so much and even better that they appreciate it which makes you appreciate yourself. I know it is hard to get things rolling. What sounds like a good idea sometimes feels like you are dragging a huge boulder behind you, but please call these numbers in your area Mon Ami. USA National Suicide Hotlines
Toll-Free / 24 hours / 7 days a week

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433 1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255

TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)

Please call them and see if they can give you some info and you can talk to someone who probably knows what you are going through is some way. I do not believe, after calling many of these kinds of lines that they are just trained monkeys to say whatever to make you feel better if they can...........please call.

(((((Oh Brandy Sucre Mon Ami))))) I so understand you. When I was 24 I was th mother of three. Even then my mother could say the harshest things and for so long I put up with whatever people would throw at me. I was quiet and withdrawn.....just posting is a wonderful move forward, even if just a baby step. GAWD! Writing all this stuff in here is so hard for me too. But a little more comes out everytime I can write. Those dark times are the best for writing poems ar starting some kind of art project. Just my observation is that most people with depression of any sort are artistically inclined. If you can't say it, write it, draw it, paint it, sculpt it...just express yourself in any way. AND don't worry about what others will think of it. Put your soul into this or those things. It helps to be able to release those pent up feelings. Not just sorry, but any kind of pain.

((((Jeff))))) This goes for you too! Even if you think whatever you turn out will be crap, just do it anyway. You can always throw it away or stash it somewhere when you are done......if you think someone or some people will not like it or will have something negative to say or think about it, F*uck them! Just keep it for you like you do your feeling except they are outside instead of inside. Well at least a little more is......

Please call this number..it is a national hotline.....

USA National Suicide Hotlines
Toll-Free / 24 hours / 7 days a week

1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433 1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255

TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)

Right now I have some pretty dark art on my wall, but it reminds me that even though it is dark, it is part of me and it is OKOKOKOK......OK?

I look at it this way......I'm on a rollercoaster, and all I can do one the ride starts is strap myself in, wait for the ride to stop, take a deep breath and keep going.

Here is a poem I wrote: Maybe it can express some of the things I have been going through....I wrote it a long time ago, but it fits right into my life at this moment, because we DO live moment by moment. What we feel is individual, but so are our lives and problems. What may seem silly to one might be the backbreaker for another. Respect that. I try to, although I kno whow hard it can be sometimes when you are feeling like the light at the end of the tunnel isn't there, it might just be the next person that you talk to, make friends with or artwork that you create. It is ok to create in artwork of any form your personal pain.... I know it does me sometimes


SCREAMING

Screaming, Screaming
Inside myself
I dare not make a sound.

Someone might see
Inside
The person I have found.

Inside I am screaming,
Screaming
Outwardly strong
They see

Inside I am screaming
Screaming
Someone please help me.

Darkness overwhelms me
My soul cries out for time
Swirls of clouds around me
Fogging up my mind

They see me carry on my day
Without a care
They think

But inside I’m screaming
Screaming
Overwhelmed, and keyed

Slow the screaming stops
And I can rest my head
I lay myself down to sleep
To wake another day

Maybe I’ll be screaming
Mayhap I’ll be so calm
I’ll thank the Lord for that time
I wake so in the dawn.

Karen
© 2005

i would like to say that when i get depressed i think of whayy son would feel if i would take my own life its only a short term answer for you and you cant take it back think of those around you and how it will affect them

i was on another site most of you know me from there and i vented alot through poetry
it may sound silly later but if it helps let show your true feelings then do what you need to let others know how you feel and they may not be able to help but their are "GREAT PEOPLE" here that will listen and they have great shoulders to cry on

That is a great way to look at it, Laurie. I know when I went through rehab that the program and the people in it who cared for me helped me to see a lot of things in a different light. They helped me to stop blaming myself and others. I learned how to forgive myself and others. The best thing they helped me with is the 180 degree turn. They helped me so that I could help others. Some of us wondered why we survived and others didn't. They helped me to make amends to my family. That amends is an ongoing thing. They helped me understand that in my using and drinking that I had robbed my family of time that I should have spent with them. I have to remember that I am forgiven and I have to forgive others. When I really got help is when I found someone just like me who made the same mistakes and was just as lost as I was. We say that we can't keep it if we don't give it away. I can't live in the past; Have no guarantee of the future and only have today. Today I can make a difference.

i just don't want to disappoint my family... im the last one at home and struggling to get on my feet. thanks for the numbers, i just want to know what to do next cause i spent alot of money on school and want to do decent so some day i can have a family of my own

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support .

Hi there! I hope that you feel better.I've fought severe depression before so I know what you're going through.

I thought I'd share this with you.

myspace.com/towriteloveonherarms

I would like something along this.I could use it . I feal so old. sometimes wish the Dr's were right. Just get so tiered. But life is life ! Another day.

I would like something along this.I could use it . I feal so old. sometimes wish the Dr's were right. Just get so tiered. But life is life ! Another day.

Polson, sounds like you had a bad day today. Don't let things get you down. I understand how some days are. We all have those days. I am here if you want to talk. Don't give up the fight, you are a good guy and have friends on here. You are always one of the first to jump to help someone else. I understand the getting tired part too but hang in there, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Ive had too many friends who committed suicide.....

It made me mad.....mad at them.....mad at myself that I couldnt save them.....just mad!!! The constant wonder of what I could have done, is what I have had to deal with for so many years....

Wow.........tears are falling.....geeeeeeeeez where did that come from???

depression support == having the fat people sit on the people giving them a hard time for being fat



think about it

i think its a great idea...i have depression and i am always looking for someone to listen

Blackangel - we are always here for you,anytime you want to talk. Lots of great people on here.

Gyps - I so understand what you are saying and how you feel.

Adj4u - Wow, I so like your idea. Great idea!!!!

i have been getting my panic attacks again.they seem to come in clusters and out of nowhere.some days my anxiety is so high that i feel like i am jumping out of my skin.i do take meds but i fear that no man will want to deal with a woman who has this condition.
I can't control it mentally,I tried.Can I find love?

no doubt you can find love cutelildevils mom. there are people out there who understand and when you meet them they will be patient with you when you are having a tough time with it.

Cute - sorry you are going through the panic attack thing. They are horrible, I have them in my sleep when I am really stressed, wake me up scared half to death. Do you drink much caffeine or have you been doing anything different that may be triggering them recently?? A different food you are eating??? I am just wondering if some food allergy could be triggering them, have seen food allergies do all kind of weird things, but know day to day stress triggers them too. I would cut out or back on caffeine, if you even drink it, and cut down or out the sugar, again if you use much. Chocolate has caffeine in it too, so watch out for it if you eat chocolate.

Call your doctor and ask if your meds need adjusted, maybe your body has become tolerant of them and you need a different one, or a higher dose to control the attacks, just a thought, but I would let your doctor know, he/she would want to know you are suffering with the attacks and want to help you fix them.

List to what King said - he is a good guy and knows what he is talking about. We all have our issues but there is someone out there who will find you, and he will see the good in you and he will care enough about you, he will want to help you with your problem, it just takes time to find the right person. You have to be patient and, in the meantime, take care of your physical health and see if you can get the attacks under control so you are feeling the best you can. Take care.