well karen all that bad stuff happened back in 1984 and i even tried suicide and failed at that too.Talk about feeling like a failure .Luckily my daughter was still in my life regularly and came to stay at 15 years old.She is now 23 and married with children.Life goes by fast I tell ya.
I will advise all to not lose your sense of humor and get a support system in place whether friends ,family,support group,whatever.Also do not be afraid to ask for help.
I am praying for everyone too jef.
jax

well karen all that bad stuff happened back in 1984 and i even tried suicide and failed at that too.Talk about feeling like a failure .Luckily my daughter was still in my life regularly and came to stay at 15 years old.She is now 23 and married with children.Life goes by fast I tell ya.
I will advise all to not lose your sense of humor and get a support system in place whether friends ,family,support group,whatever.Also do not be afraid to ask for help.
I am praying for everyone too jef.
jax

I wanted to commit suicide back in 1982 and they say guys are afraid of commitments. I guess I was. I chickened out. There I was just sitting in the snow outside of the rehab building. I thought I want to end it all but I don't want any pain. I thought that just going dumb and not waking up would be the perfect solution. It was a great idea but then two guys grabbed me up by the shoulders and took me inside the building. I got in front of the desk and they asked me my name. I was trying to think because it had been some time since I had heard my own name. I was standing on my own when they asked me. I thought I was doing pretty good but then I passed out on the floor as they were getting my wallet out to get my driver's license. I vaguely remember them telling me that I had to be in the detox center for four hours because that was what the police expected. The two men dragged me to a cot nearby the desk because I was heavy to drag. Then I lost total consciousness. I remember waking up shaking through the delirium tremens trying to figure out what the pidgeons in the vent were trying to say to me. They gave me some orange juice and some peanut butter crackers. I was told later that was to get some color back into me and the chances were I wouldn't puke that back up. Some how I was sober and clean enough to answer the questions I thought the narcotics agent was asking me. He asked what all I had been taking. I told him I didn't know what the little pills were but they sure were pretty. I learned later that he wasn't a narc but a counselor. We got to play board games in the big room where we all ate. I remember this one guy who would always asked me who I thought was today. I got to know some of the people when I went through the hot chair. There were a lot of people asking me all kinds of questions and they told me if I didn't answer correctly that I wouldn't be able to make it into the halfway house. The fortyninth day I was admitted to the halfway house and met this one nice Indian lady from Osowatome. She had come there from a pyche ward. She was a lot of fun to talk to.

The funny part was when I finally got out of denial after the first relapse. Man it hit me like a ton of bricks. I really am screwed up. Since then I have avoided alcohol and drugs like the plague. I was just telling someone at a meeting the other day, "I don't need drugs and alcohol because I have flashbacks that will last a lifetime."

hey roy dont knock it,if i didnt have flash backs i'd have no memory at all.

hey roy dont knock it,if i didnt have flash backs i'd have no memory at all.

hey roy dont knock it,if i didnt have flash backs i'd have no memory at all.

goddamn spasms

Oh, I don't. The flashbacks have helped me to remember some of the stuff that happened during the foggy periods. I found out that I had been married and even had a son. I remember my ex even calling the halfway house and putting my son on the phone. She said, "You tell him where daddy is and why you are not here." Ouch. When I left I tried to blank out everything and pretty much did with the help of paint stripper, marijuana and speed. Herion scared me though. I remember at the halfway house talking to this needle freak and telling him he must be crazy for putting a needle in his arm. I said, "that stuff can kill you" and him telling me "oh and huffing paint stripper is not dangerous".

happy thanksgiving everyone

marie, i don't have a vehicle of my own....and i don't have a license..........we talked it out earlier because it got to the point i started packing my clothes......what is going on with me is i left my ex fiancee after three years of a loving relationship because for a month he was drinking heavily and wouldn't look for a place (yeah, we were living in a van and i was forced to eat one hot dog a day)....my dad's seizures cause him emotional fits (he snaps) and experienced ptsd soldier style...and my stepmom's depressed too...we all have been holding it in and tonight we all talked....then we went to walmart and spent over 150 bucks!!!!!!!!!!


the lesson??????? the family that spends together stays together.

Amber - glad you could sit down and talk it out, that is the best resolution of all. Sounds like it worked and heck, you did get a break, a trip to Wally World for a shopping spree. Sounds like the whole family came out ahead and sounds like the tensions are over. It sounds like you needed to leave your ex, he needs to get his act together so he can support you, that was no way to live. Maybe leaving him will shock him into getting a job and a place to live and then if you want to go back to him, you can work it out. In the meantime, do the best you can with your folks. I have been diagnosed with PTSD in the past, from a 10-year violent marriage to a drunk, my doc told me I was treated and living like a POW, was in and out of counseling for years, guess I am over that part of it, but still battle the depression. I am really happy you and your family sat down and worked things out to everybody's best interest. Great work. Take care.

there's not much chance i'll be going back to him.....he might quit drinking and get back on his feet....but I specifically told him this was going to end up happening when he let his mother guilt trip him into moving back to his hometown. and another reason: if someone he knew said something about my seemingly odd behaviour, he'd tell them "oh she's f^^^ed up in the head" (when drunk) or "she's got bipolar".
Bottomline, bipolar is my demon, not his and it's not his place going around telling everyone he knows. besides, one his friends did something to me very traumatic and he didn't really do anything about it.

Yeah, I love him, part of me will. But I can do better than a 47 year old that wants me to wait on him hand and foot all day

That reminds of the conversation I had with the nurse last night, Amber. Her ex told her that she fault like a girl and it pissed her off. So she fault like a guy and gave him a black eye. His new wife got pissed because she gave her husband a black eye. But the nurse found out that she was of legal age and eighteen now. Now the new wife was afraid of the nurse because the nurse told the new wife there was plenty left for her if she wanted some. The two women start comparing notes though then and then they were both mad at the guy. It all started because the nurse wished her ex Happy Thanksgiving. Now the new wife is complaining to the nurse about the guy and the guy is complaining to the ex about the new wife. In theory I think the nurse has become a mother-in-law. Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

well, Hill, i'll just say i fight like woman gone crazy...........that's because i've been known to bite, kick, punch, and even put a knife to my ex's throat twice.

i tried to kill mine after taking his crazy **** for six months.he had to sit on me for his health.

lol..........mine was drunk both times i don't know if he pi$$ed himself from the drunkness or from pure terror.

You know, I'm totally depressed right now, tho I have no reason to be. A girl admits she likes me and wants to meet up with me, tomorrow I get to be with my family...and yet I'm sad. Maybe I'm listening to all those anti-whining threads and taking it personally, cause I feel like they are making fun of me for being emotionally unstable.

Everyone needs to let it out once in a while. I whined like a baby a couple of days ago in the bipolar support thread. I would not take personally what people are saying about whiners.

Depression is a serious disease. Nothing funny about it. I am glad you found someone cloudy...just focus on the good times ahead of you!! Happy Thanksgiving!!

I agree with MB, Allen, that is what this thread is for. We are all going through hard times or we wouldn't be here. I have been bottomed out for weeks now and just forcing myself to keep going. But I know I have to keep going, I have to go to work, I need the money for the bills and so on. I am glad you feel comfortable coming in here and talking. I try to be here to talk to people and support them as much as I can.

I also know the holidays make things worse, and if you suffer from seasonal affective disorder and live in the northern states, the lack of sunshine will make your depression worse too. So I think right now some of us are being bombarded with a lot of things, the stress of the holidays, the high prices of gas and stress of Christmas coming, etc., and just the day to day stresses, heck that is enough to drag anyone down.

I am glad you found someone who likes you Allen. Take it slow and get to know her. Take all the time you need, make sure you are both comfortable and let the relationship grow slowly.

Wishing everyone a great Thanksgiving. I wanted to spend it alone but got conned into spending it with my dad and brother, damn it all. My least two favorite people right now. Take care and hope you all have a wonderful time.