"I have recently meet a very lovely lady who I think could be well worth my time and energy."

You don't say how you "met" but if she didn't make an effort to accept dates from you doesn't sound like it is anything serious to her.


"The bad part though is that she is pregnant from her cheating EX."

No offense outside of her telling you the baby is her Ex's how do you know who the father is? Or for that matter if she is even pregnant. Unless that is very obvious.

"She says she does not want a man in her life and she wants to take care of the kid on her own. "

You might want to listen to her. It may not be her Ex she doesn't want but you.

If the "divorce" (if that applys) is not final that idea is shot to h*ll until the baby is born in most states. Someone will have parental rights/responsibilities and it is not going to be you. Even if you want to; it is not going to be you. Unless you are seriously wealthy she is going to need the "state" to be involved to cover pre and postnatal care.

"I am showing her I am there for her and willing to help her,"

You sure this is about showing "her" anything or you trying to prove you are all grown up to show someone else? Being a hero sounds all romantic and wonderful but hasn't she clearly said she doesn't want that. "Help" is kind of suggesting you will do what you feel like when you feel like it and as nice as it is to have someone help as you ask them it is a real pain in the a*s when someone is dropping in unexpectedly with what you may or may not need.

I have seeked some help ( My bet is it is not Professional help)and found out the best course of action in my opinion. (Dude in your opinion doesn't count here.)

1. Drop off flowers at her house.

I don't know what she is going to do but if I was pregnant and I told some guy "not interested" and he came by my home to drop off anything I would be calling the police or give the flowers to the biggest meanest tough guy to stuff them down your throat. Just because a gift is "nice" when someone tells you no you best listen.


2. Give her 3 Days to think.

You are not "giving" her anything. You are trying to take something she has clearly said she doesn't want. She has done her thinking and told you N_O!


3. Call her and let her know I'm there for her.

You are not there for her You want to be there for you. If you were there for her you would do what she asks.

4. See if she changes her mind.

This situation is not about her changeing her mind.

What else can I do after step 4?

Skip all the lame ideas up and until step 4 and move on with your life. Work hard on maturity and recognizing that relationships only exist when both people want them. You have a crush that if you let it will wilt.

Hang in there; your time will come.

I have recently meet a very lovely lady who I think could be well worth my time and energy. The bad part though is that she is pregnant from her cheating EX. She says she does not want a man in her life and she wants to take care of the kid on her own. I am showing her I am there for her and willing to help her, I have seeked some help and found out the best course of action in my opinion.

1. Drop off flowers at her house.
2. Give her 3 Days to think.
3. Call her and let her know I'm there for her.
4. See if she changes her mind.

What else can I do after step 4?

I grew up without a father, do you know what that feels like?

I dont give all the information out for my own reasons. I'm going to give her space, but personal attacks are not needed.

I don't get it...Queene really understands I guess.

yeah it is

"Wow, blow it a ll out of the water."

Sorry guy if you had somthing to stand on I couldn't do it.


"I am not going to defend myself here."

Yes you are. Yea you are not some kid getting screwed over now and could/would actually help I am sure if you could but she doesn't want your help. S*ucks for sure to see someone cutting off her nose (and her babies) to refuse your well intentioned assistance but it is her life. And she is not going to let you feel good rewriting history for her and the baby just because nobody rewrote it for you.

You did not ask me but YES I know very well what it is to grow up without a Dad and then some.


" I am simply trying to be a nice guy."

A nice guy does NOT impose himself where he is not wanted.

"and be there for someone"

Be there? Come on dropping by occasionally with flowers and whatever is not being there. Are you going to run over ever time she is puking her guts, buy her maternity clothes, pay the OBGYN, the rent, buy grocery, deal with the Ex husband, or maybe her parents? One time a woman doesn't need a drop in boyfriend peeveing her parents is when she is pregnant. You might know a lot about this young woman but not nearly enough to cope with a pregnancy that is not yours.


" who I want to help."

If you have a beef with people telling you that you are Imature you have to think enough to take the "I" out of that sentence.


"How many other guys would even care?"

A lot more than you might think but we are not talking about other guys and what she may or may not choose to allow them to do we are talking about you and what you asked us to advise you to do."

"She wants help"

That might be true. She just doesn't want yours.

" but she is scared"

Yea and no matter how much you want to help or she even might allow you or others to help she is going to be scared. Hopefully enough not to repeat her mistakes of letting others think for her, take on her responsibilities, or make her decisions for her.

"so I'm giving her space."

Whatever gets you through the night guy. She gave you the door and if you don't face it you are quite likely to get stomped. If she can turn you inside out on this situation don't you think she can get someone to rip you a new one? You are playing with fire here.

" You really have no place to call me immature"

You want to take that as a personal shot you can but telling you that you do not have the maturity to see this situation with the experience and skills to listen to the basic facts you yourself have stated is immature behavior. I am pretty sure when you look back at this situation when you are my age you will think the same thing.


"when I'm trying to be the mature one"

I think you need to copy the Serenity Prayer about 50 times and it might give you a perspective of what mature is in this situation.

"and show I'm here for her."

You have your heart set on being there then then lets talk about what it would really entail to "be there".
We are taking really be there. So you are ready to settle down.
You have a good job with long term potenial? Not going to get laid off. Not just a job but enough of a job to pull in at least $3,000 a month? With full insurance.
And you have a safe car and car seat. Can't smoke in it. And if you are going to step in this deal Hero Daddy it probably ought to be looked over; baby on board you buy tires and additional insurance rather than concert tickets.
Where do you live? Since you are buying flowers maybe she will think you are charming and can get away with only two bedrooms but if this isn't just a booty call she and her parents might think three bedrooms is the deal. Oh and if you are going to have a pregnant woman living with you forget having dibs on the only bathroom so it best be a place with two. Sounds like she has a real ******* for and Ex you probably going to need and alarm system and security cameras. If you are planning on moving in on his girl and his child I would get a place with secured parking. I might pass on someone taking a lover but you try to take my kid or grand kid if I can't stomp you I might take it out on your car and I am really pretty mello compared to what you could be diealing with.
You have good credit or a lot of stuff you can pawn? You know most people who get no help for being a step parent usually end up trashing their credit trying to make ends meet with and instant family.
Hopefully you have a really cool Mom who is willing to play second fiddle to the "real" grandparents. Social services are not going to allow her anywhere near the baby with out a daycare license if Daddy dearest and his folks don't like her.
Don't know if you have ever considered it but some employers frown on taking on girlfriends and step children. Doesn't exactly fit their corporate image and you can for get getting as many raises when you get a kid they know they got you. Military won't take roommates and non-dependent people into houseing and medical services or over seas. Unless of course you talk her into getting married and then your chain of command has to give you permission.
Being there is sort of suggesting you are there but maybe not all your friends. Are you cool with a pregnant woman telling your friends they are immature and have to be quiet because she is tired? What about pets? Lot of expectant mothers are allegic to pets. Pregnant women can't be around cat litter. Among other "substances". Are you ready to move out the TV or stereo so you have room for the high chair and the crib? Have you even thought about what diapers smell like? Or priced them? Or are you just going to be there while she is pregnant

I grew up without a father, do you know what that feels like?

or you can just respect her wishes, be her friend and let her deal with the drama she has goin on right now.

i mean.. if i were her, i'd be pissed that you didn't respect what i already told you i needed.

tell her you're there for her as a friend. that if she needs you .. you're on top of it. but don't try to change her because she's probably goin through hell right now.

1. Drop off flowers at her house.
2. Give her 3 Days to think.
3. Call her and let her know I'm there for her.
4. See if she changes her mind.

What else can I do after step 4?

I would advise you to skip steps 1 through 4 and ride away on your white horse. She has told you she does not want a man in her life, respect her wishes.

Your desire to come to the rescue is admirable but she has already indicated that she has no desire to BE rescued.