If he says, "My kids come first," I'm outta there. Sorry, but his kids should be grown and out of the house so I can come first...and last too.

I always wonder about the ones who write, "I am a single mother of two kids and THEY ARE MY WORLD. If you don't like that, you should go jump in front of a steamroller." Why so defensive?

To me, if she has kids, it's totally OBVIOUS that the kids should come first. They act like this is some sort of novel concept or something. Like if they wrote, "By the way, I breathe oxygen and if you don't like it, you can go shoot yourself with a bazooka."

Of course, I don't date people with kids, so I can afford to be nonchalant about the whole thing.

I always wonder about the ones who write, "I am a single mother of two kids and THEY ARE MY WORLD. If you don't like that, you should go jump in front of a steamroller." Why so defensive?

To me, if she has kids, it's totally OBVIOUS that the kids should come first. They act like this is some sort of novel concept or something. Like if they wrote, "By the way, I breathe oxygen and if you don't like it, you can go shoot yourself with a bazooka."

Of course, I don't date people with kids, so I can afford to be nonchalant about the whole thing.

Turn-off's:

1. Any mention of "the beach". Instant "X" time.

2. Atrocious English use. If you can't spell correctly or use English properly, you'd best get to learning.

3. "My kids are my life." Duh.

4. Any screen name utilizing the words "hot", "sexy", or anything related. Subjective and presumptuous.

5. "If you want to know more, ask." Yeah, I'll get right on that.

6. Dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs. I am not a dog person. I have nothing personally against them for the most part, but I don't prefer them, and do not want one (or several).

I hate it when i read a womans profile and it says something like..'i am not here for dating, i am taken already', or 'I am just here for the forums' or 'please dont email me, im not interested in making new friends'.

Because we all know that ALL these women are GAGGING for it anyway, and are lying when they write such stuff...

Empty profiles.

Vapid profiles.

"I don't know what to write here."

"Anything you want to know, you'll have to ask."

"I'm laid back and easy going."

"I love my friends and family."

"I like to go out or stay in."

"I'm shy and quiet when you first meet me but once I get to know you I will talk your ears off."

"I like to see the glass as half full."

"I'm not going to write anything here until I see if the site is worth it or not."

Misspelled words: "I'm tired of dating looser's with no sence of humer." Also bad grammar and punctuation.

Profile pictures of more than one person, and they never tell you which one the profile belongs to.

"I'm a single mother of two kids and they are my world." My spaceship doesn't go to that world, thank goodness.

If you check out the "One Glorious Profile" thread, you can see (literally) thousands of examples of truly putrid profile writing -- with accompanying commentary from yours truly and a number of others. It's fun, it's cheap, it makes its own sauce.

People have asked me to help them with their profiles.

But then they always say, "I don't want it to be 1400 pages long, though."

Which completely baffles me. How can you write a good profile in less than 1400 pages....??

But thats wat i have written on my profile! lol!

I hate it when i read a womans profile and it says something like..'i am not here for dating, i am taken already', or 'I am just here for the forums' or 'please dont email me, im not interested in making new friends'.

Because we all know that ALL these women are GAGGING for it anyway, and are lying when they write such stuff...

the fact that you and others "hate it" and move smartly along serves the original purpose of writing such things doesn't it.

I dont move along, i send highly sexual emails to these ladies...

get ready for the wintery freshness of mace.