OK, let's face it, when you cut through all the treacle and sugar-substitute, we ALL have preferences. There was a time when nobody would have had a problem with that (maybe in the 1400s, I dunno) -- but today, in whatever year this is, we're all expected to be PC and to spout drivel like "I don't care about looks" and "All that matters is what's inside."

Well, screw that.

Has anybody ever thought that maybe being shallow is a good thing? Think about it -- being shallow (and the fact that we have instant oatmeal) is really all that separates us from the apes. And they're going to take over the planet, anyway, right before Charlton Heston shows up in that spaceship.

So let's embrace our shallowosity and admit that we're all just superficial prigs with no real interest in substance or content!

As a self-confessed Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk* it's easy for me to take this additional step towards whatever it is that comes after this.

OK, here it is -- the ONLY person I'm attracted to AT ALL (outside of peripheral characters from insipid '90s sitcoms) is a tall, skinny blonde who works in a grocery store and drives a White Monte Carlo. Period, the end.

See, that wasn't so hard?

Now what's in YOUR wallet?

* See earlier thread of that name for further details.

aucutaly.. ive dated skinny. fat.. tall .. short. ugly.. HOT..
honestly.. looks are NOT what is importaint to me..
then again.. i dated the drop dead gerogous guy for 7 years who then tried to kill me on a number of occasions..

so feel free to be shallow..

and a fattie like me will continue to be out of your league..

(not directedat lex.. just a general statement)

Read between the lines, Iz....

"White Monte Carlo"

Oooops, I forgot who I was talking to....!

Let me start again....

"Green Monte Carlo"....

Well you certainly have a valid point.

When you look at the animal kingdom, mates are chosen for their appearance or ability to do some funny dance.....or some other attribute specific to what turns on that particular species.

I am certainly willing to concede that, where humans are concerned, we too are attracted to each other and pair up....initially on sight. As higher beings....we are subsequently drawn to each other and are held together by attractions other than the purely physical as well.

But physical attraction IS how is all begins.....

And girls who work in grocery stores have access to Pepsi and Pop-Tarts.

But, no, I'M the bad guy somehow....!!

You're a bad guy? Damnit, Lex....I'm not getting the memos.

it may start with looks but it takes more than that for me

I got kicked out of the "nice guy" club. I went on a binge -- took 5 Tylenols -- and then I turned into an Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk. The psyche is a fragile thing.

I hear ya. But all the same. The things that "hook" us women are those things like how he might stand too close to us...or the tone of his voice when he speaks to us....or.....the way he looks......at........


Anyway....it isn't unlike the mating dances that males animals do to attract their female conterparts.....

Very interesting point you brought up, Lex....you Arrogant Narcissistic Conceited Jerk.

Who else is gonna do it....?

The way I figure it, if people really didn't care about looks, if people really were serious about meeting someone, there would be a lot more matches happening. The fact that there aren't tells me that just maybe some people aren't being honest about what they're looking for, and are simply saying what they think they're supposed to say.

It's not "acceptable" to admit that you prefer Body Type A over Body Type B, or whatever....

Well, you know what? I don't care what's "acceptable." I like Body Type F, and that's that. Let's see how "the man" deals with that one, huh....?

I'm thinking, perhaps, that one very overlooked reason why more people aren't pairing up here, aside from most of us being severely damaged by previous relationships...might be that some people are pretending to be something they aren't to attract a partner, only to have their actuality be discovered somewhere along the way.....

or....


Some people, as you said, are afraid to admit that they have a preference.....and at some point have to admit it, though a courtship may have already begun.

Hey thanks a lot, Derek for opening THAT can of worms!!!

Yep friend, I have preferences. Finally mature enough to realize it too. Spent way too many years thinking this fat chick had to take bullsh*t because someone else might never come along. Now I'm ok with that eventuality. If my bullsh*t meter starts into the red zone, I'm listening to it.

Oh, I'm sure of that. I've seen it myself -- time after time.

But -- here's the thing I don't understand -- if we accept your premise about people holding back because they've been damaged (which I totally agree with, BTW), then isn't in their best interests to try to do something about that?

I mean, how does one become undamaged? Or less damaged, anyway, at least to the point where some sort of relationship becomes a realistic possibility once more?

I don't know the answer to that. I suspect, though, that it can't happen unless someone is willing to try to make it happen.



OK, but then that's an error in judgment on their part. Why pretend to be interested in someone who doesn't even fit your basic criteria? Who does that help?

Preferences are the exact replica of expectations...and I aim to kill and/or destroy every last one of them.

Some preferences are there out of survival, others are there out of public appeal...all just about suck and are worthless. I don't care what you look like, could give a rats ass if you are a barbie girl or a vampire. I don't care if your above level job is better than mine, could care less if your job is not worth the time it takes to get there.

Respect in the end is all I require, the respect to be both honest with yourself as well as with me. The respect that when you look in the mirror, you care about as much as I do on how you look...not much at all.

ell there is a certain something i look 4..but what that is varies..jsut what gets my attention..but I am a little picky...lol

like now I could say there is 1 I really want..and am trying hard to see if it will work..

I will freely admit I have preferences. I just don't want to be locked into them so rigidly that I might miss the best thing since Chocolate chips. Whether that is a love interest of a new friendship.

I prefer men that are taller than shorter. Has that stopped me from dating shorter men No.

The solution to that problem that I have found for myself is to make the conscious decision to boldly be nothing but myself....to be glaringly honest up front in regard to just what a man will get when he chooses to pursue me. The thing that I hope to acheive in this is that when I finally do find "the one"....he'll know he's fallen in love with the actual Laura...and Laura will know that too....

It's kinda like lying. If you never lie...you never have to worry about keeping your stories straight.




It doesn't help anyone. But sometimes people want something so bad...that they see what they want......when it isn't really there.

This makes sense to me, although it totally flies in the face of the typical "dating site logic," which is all about making yourself look as good and wonderful and appealing as possible, to the point where about 82% of people who actually bother to write anything in their profiles are apparently up for sainthood.



But I detect -- in many instances -- a mindset that counsels "I have to be better than everyone else in order to get noticed." And since they're not actually "better" (or can't quantify it properly if they are), they resort to the ritual stretching-of-the-truth....



Then, shouldn't this be a goal for those of us who originally came here for some specific reason....? To KNOW what's here and what's not?

Hmmmm a truly different concept may spring forth from this...at least for some?.. Maybe I am ridgid in my preferences too. But I know what I don't want.... I get sick and tired of the old expression "get to know the inner me"... hey basic instincts are your "attracted" to someone and hope all the rest falls into place.. are we talking about being honest with your self here? I can only hope this plan works...