when you get to know someone why as soon as they find out you have kids they leave you in the dust why does that happen

Hey, try being pregnant on here. I've had more guys run scared, block me, or even go as far as deleting their profile all because I'm upfront from the very beginning by telling them I'm pregnant.

It does get annoying sometimes. But it's better to find out in the beginning where they stand before deep feelings can develop.

You'll find someone who will accept you and your children, it will just take time. Just don't give up or get discouraged!

WHEN ONE MAN WALKS THE DOOR IS OPEN FOR THE RIGHT MAN HANG IN THERE HON, 2009 MAY BE YOUR YEAR BY THE WAY, MERRY XMAS

depends on the situation
but me, I've already done the kid raising thing.
It's ok if she has kids that already left the nest, but I don't want to raise anymore. JMO

It seems messed up but I guess they just don't want to deal with the stress of kids, or the chance that they might be a father figure. It's a responsibility to them even if a very small one in their eyes. I for one don't discriminate. If i like someone for who they are like a lot, then i may look past the fact that they have kids. So yeah.....

I've never done that so I can't say

You know what you're doing there Carmen? You're getting rid of the dog's real quick. Maybe we all should try that as a tactic to find who the real men are. The good men will step up o the plate.

I guess they see them as distractions or something...some people are just so ignorant and so shallow-minded because they are not in the same boat as you are... just the people you don't want to waste your time on....

Finding out about your children, is part of getting to know you!

So, isn't it better that you find out the he doesn't want children right now, than after you invest more into it?

In a way...he did you a favor now, instead of breaking your heart more later. JMO

You're absolutely right about that!

Course, I wouldn't recommend getting pregnant as a means to finding a decent guy, lol.

Ok so, that might be a bit extreme.

I don't think that is as bad or maybe it is but when a person finds out you have some type of disability of any kind they toss you away.. they don't want noting more to do or say to you. It's as if that person has aids or some kind of shi$.

So rather it's the same or not is beyond me but it almost reminds me of the same type of rejection. In one way or another that is.

However to get back on topic, I am open to a women having kids. Since most women have made mistakes etc.. it's not there problem that the loser they where out with didn't want noting to do with them like in most cases after having a kid or becoming to the fact of going to have a kid etc.

limited privacy ?

Maybe they don't want to raise someone elses kid. Maybe they have a fear of the drama that can come along with having kids and ex's. There are lots of reasons why, and I dont blame em. I don't want to date any man with kids for the reason of baby momma drama. It isn't shallow, its just life.

try finding someone without kids...almost impossible...myself,I like kids..have a son

I like kids too but I agree with HellKitten. It would depend on the dynamics involved.
If they're reasonably well behaved with basic manners, that's great but if they're little terrors and mom's oblivious of it, no way.
It can go both ways too. For example I've dated ladies that turned out to be borderline schizo with a bipolar disorder who had awesome kids that were easy to like, and after breaking it off I'd miss the kids more than their mom.

Perry, it might take you a bit longer in your age range to find that special man who will accept you all as a package, but I think you will find it. In my experience (although I am much older than you!) there are plenty of men who also have children and want the same in a mate so that you share that commonality. It would be really hard for me to date someone single without kids as there would be less understanding there regarding schedules and free time.

Good Luck.

I have no problem dating a man who has kids, but it depends.

I won't date "fun daddies" who take no real interest in their kids.

I won't date men with fat kids. That says to me, ohhhhh! You don't love your kid enough to tell them no (unless they have a verified health condition).

I won't date a man with several children by different mothers. That is just too much of an established pattern for me.

That's why when I start dating one day, I'd like to date single fathers only. Although that might not work out either.

I respect your post, but I wouldn't want to be with anyone who had to "look past" the fact that I had kids. I want him to love them and want them as his own......and if that doesn't happen, then goodbye to him...........NO LOSS TO ME!

I figure if a guy runs because I have kids that is his choice, and I'm not losing something, but rather checking off another person that I am not meant to be with, or at least not compatible with.

It, IMO, doesn't make them a bad person. Sometimes I wish I didn't have kids and if I could do it over I would not, or would have waited..........so IF I were a single person with no kids, I have the right to decide for myself, "Do I want to possibly become a parent of children who have been around a few years?"

I'm dating a man (living with for two years) who is struggling with being a "parent" but not the biological father, it is a hard job, and comes with a lot. I would not expect that, nor judge someone because they decided it was not for them.

Maybe they don't want to be a dad EVER...........it's their life, their choice.

It may be rude that they just "up and go" but maybe they feel the "pressure" to be a "good" person and don't want to feel "guilty" because they tell you they don't want to date you because you have kids and all...........sine that would make them an A$%

It's the internet, rather than going through that, they can just never talk to you again.

I'd rather them do it "now" than start dating, be together for a while, move in, and your kids get attached to them, you realize that YES they love you.........but they can't handle your kids and are incapable of making that "bond" with them.........and your "family" breaks up because he never really wanted to be their dad in the first place.

Personally, I think it is a good idea to date a guy a long while (learned from experience as I didn't do this and wish I had) without him meeting the kids, six months at least, though he would know up front that I have kids.

Then slowly introduce them into their lives, go on "family dates" where he is introduced as a friend.......and you go have fun together......this should last for several months. He isn't the parent, doesn't take on any parental roles, you are simply seeing how they relate to eachother.

Then if/when you feel comfortable have him babysit a few times, until a few becomes several. See how it goes, ask the kids how it went. Find out how he is with them when you aren't around, and if he can handle it. This should go on for a couple months.

Unlike many people (again found out late) I think it is imperative if you want a peaceful, loving home for the kids to have a relationship built with this person before you "move them in".

When you have kids, it is a family, and every family member should count. Yes, kids battle, when they aren't "daddy" but you can tell the difference between that and there being a real problem.

If he doesn't truly love them, and they them...........no amount of loving you can make up for that. It will be an unbalanced, screwed up family.

The process, that should happen, imo, would take a year to three years before you even talk about marriage/moving in or him becoming their "step" dad.............but most people are too impatient, and yes I know a lot of men wouldn't stick around and wait so long, as it is they want to know if you "like" them in the first email, but there again that roots out the ones not good for me and my children. I do understand that life circumstances and situations make it difficult if not impossible to do things this way sometimes. Especially if a woman is not financially stable on her own, etc.

Anyhoo..........I don't blame someone for not wanting to take on someone elses kids........I mean for the possiblity of the rest of their life..............I might "run" too.