woohoo!!
dirty good email!!
im perched on the edge of my seat!! **swoons!!**
hehehe..
thank you.

i can understand why there'd be plenty of women writing a handsome guy like you

That is hitting the Nail on the Head

she does that a lot

and she is usually right

sometimes its annoying

One of the first things I learned here was that unsolicited first e-mails never get responses. I don't even waste my time anymore. I've been here two years; anybody who wants to talk to me can do so, and I DO answer all my e-mail.

I've only been here a week, and I thought the very same thing, until last night. I just knew I wasn't going to get a reply, but I sent it anyway. And after a very nice reply and several hours chatting I was pleasantly surprised.

Only a WEEK? Hell, it takes months usually. Stop complaining.....

Well, I'm glad to hear it's working for somebody!



Seriously -- I've heard all the blah-blah-blah from women who complain that the reason they don't answer e-mails is because they're all "Wassup?" and "Nice boobs" and such.

But I never sent an e-mail anything like that, and -- ask anyone who knows me at all -- I'm quite capable of putting together an interesting, humorous, and topical e-mail. Hell, I wrote two books, I must be able to write a little bit! (Well, no, wait, there's still Michener....)

It doesn't matter. I learned my lesson.

So keep up the good work, you've obviously got a knack I will never have....!

I'm not complaining, the OP asked a question and I offered my input, as has everyone else. It still doesn't change the fact that there are rude people in the world and on the internet. And the bottom line is, it's RUDE to ignore an email that is sincere and not rude in it's content.

But I know, that's a dead horse.

you're right, in some sense.

not ALL the emails are like that and a lot of the time (maybe even half of the time) that i don't reply to an email is because the guy has done nothing to make himself stand out in any way, or offer anything that holds my interest. (this is over and beyond the fact that i have a love interest in my life and am not interested in chatting with men in private.)

it's sort of the same way that you go over profile after profile after profile and they all begin to sound so generic that nothing about them remotely captures your interest. there are the odd few that do stand out and those do get replies.

sure it might not be the polite thing to do by not replying but, in real life, a person walks by, nods their head, and you can smile in return and keep on walking. a 'smile' online leads the guy on and encourages more communication from someone who doesn't interest you at all.

oh, and another thing, is when you do say something along the lines 'i'm not interested' 'i have a partner', etc., it gets turned around into 'well don't get a swelled head, i wasn't interested in YOU' or 'what the hell is a taken person doing on a dating site anyway?'. sometimes it's just not worth the aggravation of responding when you anticipate the return email.

Have you stopped to consider that some people are not able to articulate themselves better than other people? Some people are more shy than others, some people aren't able to put what they want to say into words as easily as other people. Obviously, you are an attractive woman, and some guys might be intimidated by even starting an email to you, and when it doesn't get a reply, it doesn't really help their self esteem. They might be the nicest, funniest, warmest guy in the world, but he might be shy about talking to attractive women, especially "breaking the ice".

Then this, Internet Dating, is not the way to go.

There is excellent cognitive behavioral therapy out there for those issues.

Let me toss a hypothetical alternate scenario at you.

I think I can articulate about as well as anybody -- it's what I do, it's what I've been doing for a long time -- and I've had some success with it.

Now, if I send out ten e-mails to people I see on this site, just ten random locals who happen to be floating through "People You Might Be Interested In," or wherever, those e-mails are going to be very well-written. I can't do "wassup" or "nice boobs" or that sort of thing.

My e-mails are going to be (in my opinion, anyway, granted there's a certain subjectivity underlying the whole thing) interesting, amusing, and relevant. Probably most importantly, they're going to be different from what the person is accustomed to receiving -- that's an assumption on my part, yes, but it's based on my perceptions of the writing skills (or lack thereof) of most of the people I see on dating sites.

And you know what?

It won't make any difference at all.

I will not get one reply.

So -- just maybe -- I'd be better off sending "wassup" or "nice boobs." Maybe that would get a reply. Because being interesting and considerate and respectful certainly doesn't get me anywhere.

But I just can't do "wassup" and "nice boobs." It's too juvenile and stupid for me, and I can manage a pretty low threshold when need be.

But not that low.

So I just don't bother any more. They don't want crude and they don't want interesting. Fine, they can write to me, then.

Granted, that may be true, but it's probably why they are doing the "internet dating" thing in the first place, because they are shy and not as adept as others at articulating themselves. They might be handsome and a great person and alot of fun, they just happen to be shy around attractive women.

I'm not sure I understand why guys feel that if they give a woman their attention that she is obligated to give them attention back?

yep, i've considered it.

i used to reply to each and every email i ever received. based on my experiences, i don't do that any longer.

i'm not on this site to pump up men's self-esteem. if they have ego problems, then online dating probably isn't the best place for them to resolve those issues.

i do have a boyfriend currently but, prior to that, an articulate, outgoing, bold man is what interested me. i'm not into shy, reserved, hesitant guys. my friends have mostly been made by participating in the forums; however, i have befriended people in private email, some of whom still exist today, some of whom are not very articulate, outgoing, or bold.

oh, somewhere in all that there was a compliment, wasn't there, and i thank you. how's that for 'friggen common courtesy'?

I have made online friends thru emailing off dating sites. But I have yet to make a friend off of this BB. I did email some of the BB members when they viewed my profile, but only to let them know that I was only checking their profile because they had checked mine. I did get replies back acknowledging my emails. But if I really wanted to meet someone online, more than likely it would not be a BB poster.

So the question is, are you on this site to just mingle on the BB, to make new friends or to find someone to start a relationship with? If you are just looking to make new friends, why not state that in your first email. Tell them a bit about yourself but keep it short. On receiving your email, they will surely view your profile. If you do not receive any emails it could be because of what you said or did not say in your email or because of how your profile reads. If you are looking to date someone that you meet online, well that is a different story altogether. What do you think your chances are to get a date without getting to know the person you are interested in, or that person getting to know you? Very low percentage I would say. So why not become online friends first and take it from there once you get to know each other. Personality goes along way when it comes to getting someone to become friends with you or interested in you romantically. If you are an average looking Joe like me, let your personality do the walking. If you got looks and personality, you should not be having any problem getting replies to your emails.

For the girls who do not get replies, guess what? You can find better!

Brother I have no answer for that. I can't speak for the women, (and ain't about to try LOL)

I consider myself to be pretty articulate too, I have no problem speaking my mind on most any subject. Some don't like that, some do. I don't consider my opinion to be better than anyone else's, and I don't consider theirs any better than mine. I may not like their opinion, but I will fight for their right to speak it.

There was one member who caught my eye the very first day I signed up. My first thought was "there's no way in hell she'd give me the time of day" so I moved on. Got ignored a couple times by the rude birds, and got a couple "no thank you" replies. Chatted with one that I met through the forums, and went for pizza with her, had a great time. So last night, dunno why, but I finally got up the courage to email the one I had my eye on. When I clicked send, I told myself this was a waste of time. In just a couple minutes, I had a reply, and after exchanging a bunch of messages we ended up in a chat room for a couple hours and really hit it off. I'm not saying she's "the one", but we had a great time and we found out we have alot of common interests and experiences.

My point is, don't give up just because of a few rude birds. I didn't. If I hadn't sent that email last night I might have never known. If you don't keep trying, you'll never know. It's like my racing... I tried to get into racing with absolutely no experience. It took me 5 years, and I heard the word "no" alot. But I didn't give up, and finally I found a team owner who was willing to give me a shot. Now I'm racing. If I had given up, I'd still be sitting in the stands as a fan. Don't ever give up. The way I see it, the rude birds don't know what they're missing, it's their loss.

No one said you had to "pump up a guy's self esteem", my point is, a simple "no thank you, or "sorry I'm not interested" or "sorry I have a boyfriend" or SOMETHING should not be that big of a deal. (As long as the email is sincere and courteous... if it's rude you should delete it)

Just a little simple courtesy shouldn't be too much to ask for.

Oh, and yer welcome