thank you every body for your help

Hottie there issome great advice on here. However one thing that has
not been mentioned Ithink, is that you are a very beautiful person. You
stepped back, saw a problme and fixed it properly (the abusive father).
Now you see antoher problem, and are having issues with it and troubel
dealing and you are looking for help and advice. In my book that makes
you a very beautiful person and a very responsible and lovingmother.
Keep up the good work.
I am also glad to hear thatyou recognized the problmes enough to go ang
ask for the nurse. I am asusming she is there to help you with your
depression as well as other issues? I have never heard of depression
confusing a toddler before, but thats not to say it isnt possible. And
it is hereditary, somake sure as your daughter grows that you watch for
it in her, and teach her about it, so that she can watch for it when she
is old enough.
Keep up the great owrk hun, and everythign will be all right in the end.

Depression effect even kids.. toddlers.
I am thinking she might mean her own depression, and the consequences of
how it effects her, and behavior toward her child...( all the things she
has mentioned above..stress, fear...). Yeah, like someone else said,
kids are like sponges, and can take in everything around them.
Especially very young... it's the first three years that are the basic
learning through brain, cognative, muscles... everything! lol amazing
stuff!

Because the very young don't have the same reactions as we do
(illnesses, meds...), they don't typically show the symptoms we might
come to expect.
So, given they have only limited ways in the brain paths to
communitcate, and depdning on the childs level of growth, the most basic
things will show.
Crying, tantrums, sleep, and eating disturbances, changes in toilet
patterns, or reverting to an younger state...

I think she did say the nurse is there for it all.
And, how lucky!

She should (the nurse) be able to point you in the direction of some
type of family support, and some just for you.
Your daughter will be okay if you are=0)

so much luck to you...

thank you daniel it is nice to hear that i am doing good. i try so hard
to make my little girl happy. but i am only 21 and doing it alone is
hard. i get her on the right track then its time to send her to her dads
for the weekend. then she comes home on sunday and its hell all over
again. like last week she came home and when her father left she cryed
and called me a mean mommy. it hurt to hear my baby say that but to show
him i am better than him i well not tell her to say bad things about him
and if i have something to say about him i dont do it around her. but
thank you all on here you advice dose help

aww, damn it.

Hottie,

Hon, I have the same experience. Although my daughter is going to be 15.
When her Dad came for visits... it was most times aweful, and he would
say and act terribly.

Not sure about where you are, but do you have the option for supervised
visits? What are the custody issues...?

I had that option in the beginning, because her Dad was so abusive...it
provides a safe place for the child, and the parent gets to be with
them...

Might just be, too, that the back and forth change with all the
different schedules may be effecting her.
Just like us adults, we can get our times mixed up...

hottie you are doing fine and believe me after visitations all kids act
like brats.I'm not sure why she is visiting a man that you said beat on
both of you...I think you need an advocate of some sort as any visits
should be supervised.This is a violent man but I'm sure I'm not telling
you anything you haven't already thought about.
Kudos to you though because as a single mom I know it isnt easy but we
are here to help make it easier if you need to talk.
I have had problems with my son and thru talking I have found out that
even though he was a yr old the divorce is probally still affecting him
now (he is 6)...when he was her age I bought him one of those things you
punch and it comes back(a bopper).When he got mad I directed him to that
and let him flail away.Ask the nurse about play therapy and counseling
for you though.Some services are free if you can't afford them..
Daniels right you are a good mom..hugs and prayers to you.

Emotional Turbulance see i had him supervised but when we went to cort
and i got full costy he got every second weekend with her under one
condesion and that is that he can not drink or do drugs while shes with
him but i know he dose but dont got the proof i need to go back to cort
i have been in contacked my lawyer but i have to have more on him to
stop him and set it back to supervised visets.

you are a smart woman..((hugs))

ditto what jackie said...

As hard as it is, it will be worth it!

light to ya, and keep strong=0)

hottie, you are doing very well. I don't have children, but I helped to
raise my nephew and did sitting at a nursery. We had the time outs, it
works. Children seem to get hyped up and start to misbehave when they
are tired, so putting a child in their room is appropriate. Also after
the time out explain to the child why and what for they were punished.
Later on when the child is older, after the time out, have the child
explain why they were punished. It instills in them a knowledge that
when they do wrong they will be punished with a time out.

Always set aside time for togetherness, when the child gets your full
attention. Hug and praise the child when they put a toy away after
playing with it, even if that is the only chore the child does for now.
You can add putting clothes in the dirty clothes hamper too. Later as
the child grows so does the responsibles of their chores. A favorite
activity should be the reward at the end of the week just as if they had
a regular job.

When the child is taking a nap or asleep for the night, treat yourself
to something you enjoy a long soak in the tub, a rented movie, a hobby,
etc.

Take you time and enjoy your child while they are young for they grew up
too fast.

thank you all i knew raseing a child was not easy but i have leart so
much more i love my daugther.(Chloe mommy loves you baby) i would not
trade her for anything in the world. and best of luck to all you single
moms or single dads even. i am glad you all can give your advice to me
and thank you.

A lil quick smack on the butt will probably be okay, plus she is very
young, so im sure it will be no damage.

*Hugs to you and your child*

its been a ruff day with the little one today. i tryed to put her on
time out and thats a joke to her she just looks at me and laughts. so i
thought hey she cant get out of the play pin i well use it for time out
but that did not work either. she looked at me and spit in my face now
somebody had to of shown her that??? well i know shes not picking this
up of other kids there are no other kids around my place. anybody got
advice on how to get her to stop spiting i dont want her to do that when
we go out?? thank you all

Hi there,
I am a former stepfather with a stepson that AD/HD that I could not
handle, but I was trying.
But you have a toddler which is a little different. I don't know if you
used to watch Supernanny? You know a lady from England that helps
parents with troubled kids. I used to hit my stepson everytime that he
did not do what was expected of him. I know it is wrong to abuse your
children. Take from me, our kids were taken away from me and my ex when
we were staying at a shelter when we left our home to spend a couple of
months in another province here in Canada.
Don't ask me to go into details please.
If your child still don't do what is expected from them,TRY to put them
in a timeout for a bit. Ex: since your daughter is 18 months old, put
her in time out for 2 minutes. Minute per age.
Then ask to speak to her about her problems. But I think I know what it
could be, she misses her daddy. :0(
I know my soon to be 3 year old does miss me. Everytime I leave from my
visits with him, he starts crying.

Family doctor is a great place to seek advice. He/She will guide you to
the support and resources you need.

put her in the playpen and walk away for the two minutes.She will learn
her antics wont buy her amnesty.Timeout doesnt work for my son and
neither did spanking so I just take away priveledges.That really hits
home.Make sure you are interacting with her and correct her immediately
if she spits,hits etc.She will come around but like you she has just
escaped a abusive relationship and it will take time.
Reward positive behavior immediately.If she does something good hug her
and make a big deal( not overboard phoney).
Keep a journal so you can see the good times do out weigh the bad.hugs
to you and the little one.

(hugs to you and your daughter)

noone gets instructions on kids so all are different take your time and
let her know you do love her

Hottie, (hmmm, I dislike using that moniker given the gravity of the
post)

Anyway, I highly suggest counseling for the both of you. I realize that
her only being 18 months might make you believe that such pursuits are
useless, however much can be deciphered of a child that young through
their play, drawings, etc.

Parenting classes will help you to learn discipline techniques that
work. However, it must be noted that children are individuals thus it
may take several different procedures to try before finding one that she
responds to.

Your local health and police depts should have resources for abused
women and children that are free and/or sliding scale. I suggest that
you get into contact with these resources ASAP given your current level
of frustration and that it can take awhile to get in such programs.

Good luck.

thank you all

one more question is it wrong to let a child cry? when i try to get
chloe to nap she crys untill i give in and get her up and it makes it a
long day because she wont nap and bed time its the same she always wants
to stay up. Anyone got any advice?