They always want our opinions...but when they get'em. They dont want to hear it.

So all they do afterwards is try to justify their actions.

If for once they would ask the question then sit back and read and try to understand the comments. Then sit back in privacy and contemplate the responses and figure out what is the right thing to do.

Omission is a form of lying. To not tell him of your children dishonors your children. Just because your husband cheated does not make it ok for you to do so. And telling him after a year of some kind of relationship is going to put much concern into his mind...."What else is she NOT telling me?" You did the crime and it is now time to pay the price. If you are a good person, you will not drag him along in falseness and if he no longer wishes to be with you, so be it. He deserves the truth.

I don't intend to drag this along any further... Not fair to him.. I am ready to tell the truth or leave him alone.And be ready for the consequences of my actions.I adore my children and think I am a dedicated and wonderful mom. I did mention ton him that I needed to tell him something and I hoped that he wouldn't judge me... He knows something is not panning out.He doesn't understand why in a year we havn't seen each other and there has always been an excuse. He is waiting for me to see him or I feel he has to let go in order to redefine the relationship... If there can ever be one once he finds out the truth ...if i decide to tell him the truth ......or let go for good

I personally think you should tell him the truth and leave him alone. If he wishes to continue the relationship, that is his choice. At that point, you need to make the decision between him and your hubby.

agreed

the question is at this point , a year later, do I tell him the truth or just let go!!.....telling the truth is what burns in my heart... But letting him go will be more to preserve him from hurting.

point 1. you shouldve confessed sooner about your kids. waitin a year did i read correctly? thats a long lie to drag out.

point 2. your husband cheated on you.. ok. you are mentioining hes cheated on you numerous times like it justifies you cheatin on him. since when does two wrongs make a right??

point blank

But is that what you would like to happen to you? All of a sudden, you stop hearing from someone. "What happened? Is he hurt? Did he die?" You need to talk to him. If you do not wish to continue the relationship, he deserves to know so he can move on with life.

he hasn't called me... only wants to hear from me it seems when i give him the information on my flight to go see him...he may be the one letting go at this point.... he text me and said he thinks of me often but wants to know the flight no. and info... until then think he will let go. and no two wrongs don't make a right... I think I have been starved for some time now emotionally, so when was opened to that...been having more of an emotional affair...our conversations have not been sexual for the most part...we talk mostly about religion,health, education,music...wonderful convos..

So does he have a significant other that he needs time to clear his schedule if you are coming to see him?

no, says he is single and just let him know when i am on my way... says doesn't want anyone but me.... anytime

I still stand behind my advice. The proverbial ball is in your court.

Quite honestly, if one of the guys had confessed to something like this, most of the women would be ready to shred him.

You need to reverse viewpoints on this. If he had lied to you, would you want to know about it or would you want him to just disappear?

You said you think your a good mother - you need to ask yourself what kind of example you're setting for your children. Unless they're infants, don't think they don't hear your phone conversations or realize that Mom is different when she's on the phone. Kids pick up way more than anyone gives them credit for.

If you're not happy in your marriage, you need to make a decision, stay or go.

Touche!!

Tell him the truth. You made a mistake in allowing things to go this far. Not telling him is cruel. Not a good place to be. Demeans both parties. It may feel easier not to tell the truth, to just stop talking, but it isn't the best. Was recently on the receiving end of that. And did not like it at all!!!!!

Remember you are dealing with an adult and need to act as an adult as well. Not always the easiest to do...but doing the right thing does mean it will be without pain.

i know about making that decision...right now he (husband) has been gone at a training for job 4 5 months. Need to make a quick decision on the other situation first. Honestly, I dont know if i would be able to forgive something like this, or work past it. That is why i find it extremely difficult to tell him..

Would strongly and lovingly suggest some counseling. You both need a neutral party to work this out with...and with respect to the wisdom on this site...not from folks on the internet.

Redshirt........was it something shocking like my situation or lie...and if so how did u receive it and what was the outcome? Could you forgive someone for this? When you say both, are you referring to my husband and I.. If so we have gone sometime back...

Will e-mail you. Certain things do not belong on threads. Especially when they are on the same site.

I understand